Is it clear?

  • RockBottom@feddit.org
    8·
    18 hours ago

    Also, if she SHOULD mean yes but says no she doesn’t deserve it, for bad communication skills.

  • ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
    17·
    1 day ago

    I knew a girl who said I wasn’t a man if I took no for an answer. She ended up raping me and giving me a disease but as a victim there was nothing I could do.

    • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
      9·
      22 hours ago

      Cool story, bro. One that totally happened, I’m sure. Maybe you should share it in a group where your posting isn’t explicitly against the rules?

    • SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      8·
      2 days ago

      Yeah I do basically the same thing, it’s rough when you actually want something but on the outside seem uncertain or reserved because you internally constantly think people hate you haha. And then it makes it difficult for the other person

      Probably why I enjoy saying like “do whatever unless I say [safe word]”. But still something that I need to work on, and actually be like, directly communicating. It’s healthy

      Edit: on a second read, I slightly misinterpreted your comment, but I’ll leave it

      • hazel@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        4·
        1 day ago

        Eh, it goes both ways. I don’t ask for what I want or object clearly to the things I don’t want. One of the many reasons I have just decided to abstain from absolutely everything for now. Still haven’t figured out the correct way to accept a drunken compliment without accidentally inviting further advances though.

        • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
          3·
          22 hours ago

          “Thank you for the compliment. Pity I can’t return it.”

          That would likely end any further conversation along those lines.

          Or to put it in the words of The Monks: “Nice legs, shame about yer face.”

  • QuantumTickle@lemmy.zip
    43·
    2 days ago

    Every piece of love advice I received as a kid in the 90s and 00s was equivalent to “try harder” or “pursue” or “don’t give up” and they made it sound so good. My poor wife… The early years couldn’t have been easy for her.

        • mika_mika@lemmy.world
          9·
          1 day ago

          Hey I’m a woman, why do you feel the need to say trans inclusive, and not just “women only” this is my first time discovering this instance. And it comes off as performative although I see you’re drawing a line in the sand between you and the terfs-- but imo you’re just acknowledging the existence of terfs more than validating trans women.

          • SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            5·
            1 day ago

            I don’t think it’s a useful strategy to not acknowledge the existence of terfs or trans people. In a lot of similar communities there is always the question of whether trans people are actually included or not, and even if so, who under the trans spectrum, which always makes me uncertain about my place.

            And also, just ignoring problems such as terfs is not a solution. They exist whether their existence is acknowledged or not, sweeping things under the rug isn’t helpful

            Though, yeah, it is made clear in the rules, which I appreciate

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
      8·
      2 days ago

      I’m go glad my mom taught me from a young age that no means no whether I say it or others do. Unfortunately the latter stuck harder than the former… Well actually if only one could stick I suppose the better did

  • garbagebagel@lemmy.world
    25·
    2 days ago

    A gross retort I heard that’s always stuck with me: “a boyfriend’s a speed bump, not a stop sign”

    🤮

    Wish I could go back to my younger self just so I could tell that guy (and the others) to go fuck themselves.

    • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
      7·
      22 hours ago

      It never “necessarily” meant anything. But even today it usually means something. And specifically if it’s being used in response to a pass, it means “NO”.

      But you probably already knew that, right? You’re just arguing to be argumentative, right?

      🙄

      • mika_mika@lemmy.world
        4·
        1 day ago

        I disagree with this sentiment that you are trying to convey. If language has to have intent assumed outside of context especially if the context is no – “no” should just be said and that should be respected fully.

        • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
          6·
          22 hours ago

          It must be nice to live in a world where there are zero men who behave like mental toddlers in the bodies of, well, men who become a real threat when told simple words like “no”.

          Most of us don’t live in that world, but are insanely jealous of those of you who apparently do.

        • Bongles@lemmy.zip
          6·
          1 day ago

          I mean if you’re in a situation and they say “I have a boy/girlfriend” you could say “is that a no?” If for some reason you think it might not be.

        • SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          4·
          1 day ago

          While I agree with you in principle, unfortunately a lot of people feel pressured to “soften the blow” from learned experiences or trauma or whatever else might be the case, as it’s not always the case that people take “no” for an answer and handle it respectfully. It’s a defense strategy

    • emeralddawn45@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      18·
      1 day ago

      If someone is daying it in response to you hitting on them, it definitely does mean something. Even if someone might potentially be open to poly in another situation, if you’re like “hey you’re cute, wanna hang out” and they come back with “i have a partner” then thats them blowing you off for sure.

  • Yeahigotskills2@lemmy.ml
    6·
    2 days ago

    https://youtu.be/6k0ZMPGFh9w

    Thoughts on this?

    Sex should always be 100% consensual. If someone says ‘no’, then you must stop. If you don’t then that’s rape as far as I’m concerend. But would you acknowledge there’s nuance in playful protest?

    Also, there’s also a growing (and understandable) feeling that consent can’t be given under the influence of alcohol. However, where i come from our population would probably be half it’s size if that were always true.

    Also, if you have sex drunk and regret it later, there’s an argument that the person you had sex with has taken advantage. That’s a tricky one to navigate.

    • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
      6·
      22 hours ago

      Bill Burr can be very funny, but in the end he’s right there just reciting the mantra of every man who heard “no” and thought “she just needs more persuasion”.

      Is he right that this sometimes happens? Undoubtedly. Sexual dynamics are EXTREMELY complicated. Is this the norm? Certainly not in my experience. A lot of the times people use the style he’s mocking there TO DISARM A SITUATION where SOMEONE WHO CAN HURT THEM BADLY WITH EASE might get VERY FUCKING ANGRY because you said “no”.

      I sometimes think “man or bear?” was the wrong idea. It should be “man and bear”. Locked into a room. So that men can learn what it’s like to be physically weaker in the presence of something stronger than them and very aggressive to boot.

      • Yeahigotskills2@lemmy.ml
        3·
        18 hours ago

        I hear you, but worth mentioning that most men have been in the presence of something stronger and aggressive, in the form of other men. From abusive father’s, older siblings, to the general school environment. Violence and the threat of violence is something men feel growing up and it doesn’t really go away.

        I’m not saying that threat isn’t more acute for women, or minimizing that lived experience - when a man is trying to force himself onto you it must be terrifying and I know from my sisters and wife that it happens a lot, and often in more subtle and low-key ways than outright aggression (although that’s often the underlying threat).

        But yeah… as someone who’s been beaten up a few times just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or wearing the wrong t-shirt, I’m under no illusion as to how dangerous men can be.

    • mycodesucks@lemmy.world
      4·
      22 hours ago

      If someone says ‘no’, then you must stop. If you don’t then that’s rape as far as I’m concerend.

      That’s not just as far as you’re concerned. That’s the DEFINITION.

    • Feathercrown@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      1 day ago

      If both people are drunk it’s inadvisable but not immoral imo. If only the other person is drunk, you’d definitely be taking advantage of them and I don’t think that’s right.

      • Yeahigotskills2@lemmy.ml
        3·
        18 hours ago

        Yeah, hard agree on that. Many, many people have made poor decisions when inebriated. They’ve got over it and moved on. But when one person is sober it definitely feels like an abuse of power.

    • SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      5·
      1 day ago

      Haven’t watched the video, but regarding the playful protest point

      Discuss it beforehand. Talk about expectations or wants, say that you enjoy playful protest and want it to happen, and, most critically of all, set up a safe word. Have a word like “red” or “banana” or whatever else you want, that both of you agree upon, that, when uttered, everything stops.

      • Yeahigotskills2@lemmy.ml
        2·
        18 hours ago

        Oh, for sure. Once you’re in a relationship then there’s a whole world to explore, as consent is established. But the video (comedically/crudely depending on your own sense of humour) alludes to very early flirtation and the games people play, where a grey area arises as one party wants the other to believe that they are somehow reluctant to proceed (although they’re not), to somehow present the idea that they’re not usually promiscuous, perhaps to massage the ego of the instigator. The concept of ‘sweet surrender’ is explored in countless romantic works and is definitely a thing - and not something that should be conflated with rape, is I guess what i’m trying to put across.

  • quacky@lemmy.world
    4·
    1 day ago

    Here is my best articulation for why this image irks me

    • insecure pose is related to its brethren of other insecure poses, such as the peace sign ✌️😉✌️, tongue sticking out😜, duck lips😙
    • there is this weird lust for such poses
    • the brand clothing indicating commodity fetishism aka lust
    • the coffee indicating lack of self control and gluttony/lust aka addiction
    • expectation for others to read your mind when speaking indirectly, vaguely, or with innuendo
    • closed-mindedness to the world of opportinity
    • the sublte implication of superiority
    • the callous disregard for the other person
    • the lack of empathy
    • the excessive self-conciet and pride in oneself
    • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
      4·
      22 hours ago

      Here’s my best articulation for why this post irks me:

      You are so fucking full of yourself that you are currently inhaling your own intestinal methane using the most efficient placement possible.

      • quacky@lemmy.world
        3·
        1 day ago

        One would guess that women drive consumerism, but the data shows that both men and women are equally materialistic and status-hungry on average in a population. The difference are the types of commodities they buy.

      • mika_mika@lemmy.world
        4·
        1 day ago

        I was gonna have my own qualms with this post until I read this guy’s comment and now I’m just gonna leave that be. Don’t wanna be grouped in with that lot.

        • quacky@lemmy.world
          2·
          1 day ago

          It it is possible to share your opinion w/o agreeing with what i said. This is not a 2 party system.

        • klemptor@startrek.website
          1·
          1 day ago

          It’s not, but if you actually need a rebuttal, let’s go:

          - insecure pose is related to its brethren of other insecure poses, such as the peace sign ✌️😉✌️, tongue sticking out😜, duck lips😙

          What about this pose is in any way insecure? She is confidently giving the finger to those who don’t respect consent.

          - there is this weird lust for such poses

          This is your own opinion and not substantiated by anything here as far as I can see.

          - the brand clothing indicating commodity fetishism aka lust

          There’s nothing wrong with people liking brand-name clothes. You personally may have a beef with it but calling it ‘lust’ is not justified by anything in the image.

          - the coffee indicating lack of self control and gluttony/lust aka addiction

          Again with the ‘lust’? Coffee is such a normal thing. There’s nothing here to indicate she’s addicted, or a glutton, or in any way out of control. You’re reading an insane amount into this simple drawing.

          - expectation for others to read your mind when speaking indirectly, vaguely, or with innuendo

          It’s not an expectation. She’s spelling out exactly the ways in which people try to ignore a woman’s lack of consent.

          - closed-mindedness to the world of opportinity

          Opportunity to what, have sex she doesn’t want to have? Are you serious right now?

          - the sublte implication of superiority

          Substantiate this please, because again, there’s nothing in the image supporting this claim.

          - the callous disregard for the other person

          You mean the person who’s callously disregarding her by ignoring the very clear lack of consent? Because that’s the type of person this image is aimed at.

          - the lack of empathy

          Same comment as above. Who exactly does she owe empathy?

          - the excessive self-conciet and pride in oneself

          Again, totally unsubstantiated in the image. She’s allowed to be proud of herself just like anybody else, but there’s nothing excessive here.

          You’ve read a lot of nonsense into this image. Maybe have a think about why that is.

          • quacky@lemmy.world
            1·
            1 day ago

            It seems like you’re in denial. To respond for the audience…

            • body language, such as poses, can indicate insecurity. The middle finger is an example of overcompensation as in acting intimidating or cool because deep down they feel vulnerable, anxious, fearful, etc.
            • “Lust is an intense desire for something. Lust can take any form such as the lust for sexual activity, money, or power; but it can also take such mundane forms as the lust for food or the lust for redolence.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lust
            • According to this definition of lust, there is clearly a lust, or intense desire, for the coffee for example. There is also lust or desire for “looking cool” as evident by the fashion & pose. Also, the desire for other people to change is a lust for power. Power is defined as ability to influence others. The image self-evidently is an attempt to influence others.
            • There are many harmful consequences with brand-name clothes including but not limited to environmental damage, psychological damage, and economic harm for self and others. This is empirical, not opinion – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0959652624036813 , https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144525001068
            • Negative (i.e., “no” and rejection) and aggressive body language are anti-social behaviors that implicitly assert superiority. “[Contemptuous people] are true specialists in looking you up and down, generally with a slight gesture of rejection, disgust and superiority drawn on their faces. They are real experts in making you feel bad. Making you believe that you are inferior, that you are not worth enough or that your vocation is failure.” https://psychology-spot.com/contemptuous-people-ways-to-despise/
            • Everyone is owed empathy. All sentient beings are deserving of compassion.
            • Pride is as defining characteristic of narcissism. “Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a need for excessive admiration, and the belief that one is unique and deserving of special treatment.”
            • The woman in this picture is exhibiting traits of narcissism by not having empathy for others and the grandiose sense of self-importance (aka pride) in acting superior to others with the aggressive (middle finger), dressing “cool” and “high-status” aka superior (fashion clothes, posturing), and negative behavior (no, rejection, the arrogance in believing one knows more than others). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
    • quacky@lemmy.world
      3·
      1 day ago

      I am prepetually being booed for being right on all platforms i go to. I think there is a mass psychosis and/or gen alpha has subpar critical thinking

      • Randomgal@lemmy.ca
        3·
        1 day ago

        I think you should pay more attention to what the common denominator is if this happens to you in all the platforms.

        • quacky@lemmy.world
          2·
          1 day ago

          I accept that I am a common denominator, though that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m wrong. I am a nonconformist by nature, and my lone dissent gets me in trouble in crowds where conformity is expected (even though it’s subconscious). The population of lemmy is big enough (>5) for crowd behavior/ dynamics to occur.