Emisar D4v2. That is the answer.
My gooner brain read this as “fleshlight”… I need to
he’s just a guy who’s autistic for flashlights why are you all being so mean
his point about the ui needing to be simple is immediately clarified by his allusion to their lack of flashlight enthusiasm or experience (not any disdain for the female brain)
much better people to bully
yeah Idk why people are so bent up about the interest in flashlights and not the funny part about needing a specific kind for women lol
I like to imagine the person is just complimenting their strong mothers, aunts, sisters, etc. Obviously they deserve the right tool for the job, not some chintzy product that is colored pink. So many companies, which once made reliable products, no longer make anything worth the paper money needed to purchase them. Plus it’s a flashlight, less features means less ways to break, so it really needs one or two buttons. Some of the best tools are simple. At least the person didn’t use feeeemale as a noun.
Probably a chud, though, but I like to give the benefit of the doubt.
I’m just looking for a flashlight with boobs.
This is what happens when someone is so hollowed out by hyperconsumerism that buying a fucking flashlight becomes a substitution for an identity.
This sad motherfucker soyfaces over flashlights like they were funko pops and knows more “boutique” flashlight brands than he knows people.
He has strong opinions on every minute detail of his purchases like the bevelling on the glass rims or the best method to turn the fucking light on.
He probably follows the companies’ management on twitter and has intense opinions on the companies, in the way a lib redditor will know every minutiae of his political party’s niche actors and figures.
A perfect consumerist zombie with no thoughts or actions that aren’t filtered through consuming his Product™.
Absolutely horrifying.
I got sucked into the flashlight subreddit years ago and have a small collection (11) of cool lights. I have some that can actually start fires, customizable UI, lots of fancy shit. I will say, having a good flashlight has actually saved my ass and likely helped me save lives more than once when happening across car accidents. I literally helped outfit a small group of people to rescue a husky that got out in the middle of the night one time. Power outages and camping too of course.
Do I need all the ones I have? No, and there’s probably only 3 that I would keep if I sold them off. But they’re fun things to tinker with, the charm wears off after a while though. Some people go on that subreddit and just show off their disposable income to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars, individual lights that cost $1k+, it’s wild.
In my oppinion it never hurts to always have a few tools at hand. A knife, a light, and something that can be improvised as a screwdriver or a hammer is ideal (most of the time that may be the knife and a sturdy flashlight). Man or woman or anything in between or out of bounds, does not matter, having things, when they are needed, is always helpful.
Ofc you could also go the “survival” route and pack survival kits and emergency bags, to have everything for every opportunity at hand, but that may be overkill.
and likely helped me save lives more than once
“Mam! Are you alright!?”
"OMG she’s having a seizure!
“Mam!?”
“She’s an epileptic, turn that fucking strobe function OFF!”
“Oh shit!” click click
“Turn it off!”
“Fuck!” click and hold
“WTF ARE YOU DOING!?”
“It’s a new UI!”
“What dose that even mean?!”
This is gold, thank you!
The actual story is I’ve come up on accidents when it’s completely dark out and the lights on the crashed cars were inoperable from the battery being broken. I have a diffuser wand thing to attach to the light to redirect traffic. Other times it’s been in fog or white out conditions.
Women enter the “big strong” category once they have enough physical strength to hold a normal-sized flashlight.
Flashlight… UI?
Some have many modes (high-mid-low beam, fade output, lock switch,… A lot) but most only have 1 push button - the combination of hold / click / double-triple click can get complicated.
My Thrunite has “only” 4 main functions that I use, and probably at least 2 or 3 more that I am not aware of.
Disclaimer: I’m a tech for theatre, I live in the dark and use it all the time!
No, I don’t get the gender part either. Tho I would go with rechargeable for someone not used to them, it’s easier to plug when needed rather than cry because the batteries are dead and the shop is closed.
Modern flashlight: click click click click and hold
Traditional flashlight: click
Mine’s not bad: Long press will activate 2lm crawl-like-a-ninja mode, single-click activates Last State of normal operation, and back button bangs the 2000lm output
When switched on “normal”, long press will fade up or down
It took a bit of research I must say
My thoughts exactly. How many buttons/functions does a flashlight need?
Serious, use everyday:
- ultra-low 2lm output for crawling in aisles, not bothering/disturbing anyone
- ultra-high 2000lm for pointing at things, and for emergency illumination where the brightest, the best (point at ceiling to not blind anyone)
- fade-up or down the mid-range for general work situations where ambiant light isn’t sufficient (or you’re just getting old, uh)
Some people would argue about the strobe and S.O.S functions out in nature, or even sell the 2000lm as defence against aggression
Ok then I see that now. I guess I don’t use flashlights that much to think about feature rich ones.
Very low, low, medium, high, turbo
Enthusiast/custom lights may have more complicated lights that have different patterns, custom programming, presets, etc
The instructions for my Emisar flashlights look like a map to a pirate’s treasure but in space
That’s crazy. All my experience with flashlights has been off-mid-high at the most complex.
Isnt he kinda implying the other flashlights would be too complicated for women or I’m reading too much into it
Never underestimate how confusing people can make a basic task.
Some flashlights and a brightness feature. I’m sure that’s too difficult for a woman to figure out…
Can confirm, I know a woman in person and she definitely wouldn’t get flashlights.
mfw gender
Theres too much Yang Energy in the light of a flashlight
A woman should use the Yin Light of the moon to navigate at night
you can go onto so many places where people will argue about like… the water taste in new york vs boston and form a mob to kill you if you have the wrong opinion
Okay…to be fair, tap water tastes wildly different in different places. And the place I’m from tastes the best.
is that only in the US lol
My aunt and uncle went to Lebanon to visit his extended family. They were extremely lovely hospitable people to my Aunt and Uncle. They were also visibly disturbed that my aunt and uncle pronounced words like a Syrian, the Arabic tapes they were learning from were Syrian. Also apparently it is very bad to buy Syrian Za’atar. Based on the way my Aunt told the story they’d absolutely be willing to throw hands over who makes the best Za’atar. So, I think feuding over niche inconsequential things is pretty universal.
Ah, I flew a little over my head, I mainly thought of the water scenario lol, my bad
Yep we have similar here especially related to language and food
That shit is a goddamn miracle though, can save almost any dish from blandness. I think it’s justified.
There is a direct correlation between my masculinity and the size flashlight I use. It’s biology.
For reference, here’s the size of flashlight my lobster uses
I don’t think I get this joke at all but also I really like this joke and maybe it would be less amusing if I did understand it.
Seems kinda small for a male lobster…
Oh my goodness, as a woman I’m so glad A MAN is there to make sure a freaking flashlight doesn’t come with a too complicated UI for my lady brain…
Complicated UI? It’s a torch, or “flashlight” as this guy calls it. It has like, 2 buttons at most, maybe a button and a twisty thing on the end. I don’t think this guy knows what “complicated” or “ui” means.
He means shit like this
What about the vibration setting?
But really, it amazes me the fact that people assume woman can’t figure out how to use tools or appliances. My wife was repairing drywall the other day, she spent the week prior watching YouTube videos and reading about different methods. It’s not hard to read, comprehend, and utilize the knowledge in order to build up a skill, in fact it’s the same way the manly men would handle it.
I wish they had more complicated UIs because having to cycle through the modes with one button on things fucking sucks.
I don’t think they can make them too complicated, because they’re a tool designed to be used in the dark, so having a complex UI would make it really difficult to use (even if you’re a big brained alpha chad man)
what kind of flashlight has a complicated UI
Ones running on Anduril 2
I have several flashlights with customizable and flashable UI. It’s called Andril, there’s others out there. There’s various beacon modes, battery check, timed dimmer, customizable floor and ceiling brightness, thermal limiters, etc. Kinda becomes a necessity with some of my lights as some can actually start fires.
I have a bunch of lights…
Why? How many could you possibly need.
Having small, cheap lights all around the house, car, backpack, etc. is pretty useful. The ones commonly sold at grocery stores often only run on alkaline which leaks before you can actually use them
Having small, cheap lights all around the house, car, backpack, etc. is pretty useful.
But you have a light in your pocket 99% of the time. I cant think of single time I’ve been caught without it and needed a light. Can you give me an example that justifies having several small flashlights scattered around the house.
which leaks before you can actually use them
Right, because you have too many light laying around…
How big is your house anyways? You can’t fumble your way to the kitchen cabinet or wherever. Are you walking around in a giant mansion in the dead of night traversing long hallways and desolate corridors to find the fuse box. I’m sorry, it doesn’t make sense to me.
What people need is a powerbank, that way you can watch movies while the power is out or call the emergency service or… use it as a flashlight,
- Phone flashlights arent bright enough for long distances - if you walk in the dark, you’ll see a couple of inches in front of you. You’ll have to be very up close to see finer details. A powerful flashlight can come in a small and cheap package and light up the entire block like a helicopter searchlight. Makes things safer because not every street is lit, and a tiny phone light can be ambiguous when seen by someone else.
- I dont want to pull out my phone for every single task
- “ Right, because you have too many light laying around…” What? You do understand that it will still leak if you have a single flashlight right? That’s how alkaline works
- If your phone dies, you won’t have a light
- Powerbanks will, again, drain as you use them. What happens when it’s gone?
- You can’t be hands free with your phone light
- An unused flashlight with proper batteries will last a long time. You will likely use your powerbank frequently and drain it.
- A dead phone requires several minutes of charging before turning on again, and even then you only have a few minutes before it dies, and you may not be able to afford to wait to get a decent charge. You can instantly swap batteries in lights and get it to 100% capacity.
- You can check the health of your battery cells ahead of time and be prepared. Your phone will likely have a vague percentage health indicator, and if you have an iPhone, replacing it with non Apple batteries completely destroys your ability to check your battery health. This could make charging even worse as it’ll drain even faster without any warning, or not charge at all
- Phones break. If you send it off for repair or drop it at certain angles, you break your screen or your flash lens, you no longer have a light. Good quality flashlights will not break if you drop it on its lens.
- Not everyone knows how to use or own a phone. A child or old person will intuitively press a flashlight and the light turns on. There is no gesture or swiping or pressing some icon. A child might not be able to afford or be allowed to have some smartphone with a light, but he can rummage in their drawer for a flashlight.
- Phones are getting larger by the day. I can carry a tiny flashlight and maneuver in tight spaces
- Sweaty or wet or bloody hands won’t be able to swipe around or press buttons on phone 100% of the time. You can simply press a flashlight button to activate it
- Phones can be tracked. Flashlights cannot
- Phones are expensive. Batteries and flashlights are cheap
- You might need your phone and a light at the same time. Certain apps or activities restrict flash usage, and certain activities require you to have exclusive retention of the phone so another person cannot navigate, or you may to create more problems by trying to shine your phone around while using it for other purposes. Do you want to put your phone on speaker while you’re walking around just to shine its flashlight at the same time?
- Although alkaline is inferior, they’re still more common which means you can quickly get a working light. You will not find a phone battery at a grocery store.
- Phones are planned obsolete items. It’ll get slower as time goes on, stop being updated and supported, or even deliberately sabotaged by the manufacturers (see apple). A good flashlight will last practically forever. Flashlights can have poor QC, but you will probably never need to wonder whether someone forgot to put a parenthesis in their code and brick your light a year from now.
- Your phone can be hacked and locked. Sure, supply chain attacks can work on physical items (see stuxnet, recent hezbollah pager bombings), but it’s unlikely that you will be a target for a flashlight bomb. You WILL be a target for phishing, scams, ransomware, viruses, etc. Especially if you use Android.
- Flashlights are faster to use. I’m on my phone right now, and I have to unlock my fucking phone just to adjust the flashlight brightness. Sometimes face ID will just be disabled and I have to press my passcode to unlock. Turning on your phone too fast makes it think you did it on accident. And certain phones lock your entire phone of all functions except SOS phone call if you enter the password wrong too many times. My flashlight can be adjusted to reasonable brightness within two clicks - again, intuitive and easy for anybody to use.
I find it very strange that you’re unable to imagine a single scenario where a flashlight is useful. If I’m in an emergency situation, I don’t want to risk my phone being damaged or dying because there’s no other way to effectively communicate. I rather have specialized tools because an all-in-one tool can break, and then it risks becoming a nothing-in-one. What’s the point of a screwdriver set when you can just buy a swiss army knife? I’ve had very few instances where I needed anything more than a small phillips head.
