linkedin is the new place to post greentexts?

I’m glad someone’s actually doing bits on LinkedIn, it’s otherwise full of the most self-serious bullshit, corporate bootlicking and ”motivational” posts imaginable.

That one article about trolling LinkedIn was good too, it had stuff like ”all of connections get notified when you have a work anniversary, so add a bunch of executives and a bunch of jobs, so you’ll waste their time with notifications about your anniversary at the Pig Boy job”.

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This is the best LinkedIn post I’ve ever seen. Usually it’s just BJP animation about how hard work and loyalty will make you transcend the bounds of human limitation

I want to connect with you, emotionally :)

Ken Cheng is a comedian.

LinkedIn is like if hexbear was filled with PMC liberals and neolibs.

The only thing good about LinkedIn is the “Apply with LinkedIn” button on job application sites. It makes it much easier, especially because those sites’ algorithms are terrible at picking stuff up from your resume.

amazing bit

Royce du pont method

Sad part is some ghoul actually “liked” this post, like yeah this is a totally good and fine thing to do. Fuck me

Incredible

I’m attempting to be self-employed in the very near future. And one question I keep asking myself is “where do I find clients?”. So, obviously I’ll have a website, some sort of social media,etc. But, some of my target clients will be businesses/organizations…

And every time, without fail, I’ll think “hmm, LinkedIn is a good place to find businesses to reach out too”. But the first thing I see is always some variation of this insane bullshit. Is it a requirement to embellish that badly?

Like, what am I supposed to do with that information? There must be a better way? Or do I need to start saying:

" Business is much like the chicken on my sandwich: covered in sauce which has too much fat. People, like little Abby at the orphanage, see my sandwich and say, “there’s too much mayo”, to that I say, “you don’t know sandwiches the way I do”. Without fail, the orphans are always enthralled. They see that all they need to do is make a better sandwich, learn about the fats in sauces, and work hard. They volunteer their time making sandwiches for me, so they can get the experience. And then, they go and start their own business, rising out of poverty."

“I have done this no less than 5 times already. And each time, the orphanage renames itself after my sandwich business “sloppy seconds”. It’s amazing what a little hard work can do.”

“DM me if you would like to learn more.”

I think that’s unhinged enough. Let me know what you think!