I don’t hate my dick. I derive a lot of pleasure from it. I really don’t experience dysphoria from having one, and in many ways I’m glad that I feel I can integrate my experience of womanhood with having a cock. And yet… I wish I had a pussy. I wish I could finger myself, I wish I could receive penetration vaginally. Yes I’ve tried anal, yes I’ve tried muffing. They don’t do anything for me. I wish I had access to the rich range of non-anal sex toys available to people who have a pussy.

But it also isn’t something that feels like a distressing yearning either? And having such a huge surgery which high risk of complication (I assume?) doesn’t feel proportionate or worth it, but I’m also unsure if this is just because the prospect feels so out of reach anyway it doesn’t even feel like an option. Because I’ll likely never have the money to do that anyway.

To make it worse, I’m chronically ill and very disabled. Signing up to that much (albiet short term) pain, and higher risk of complications with my heart and hEDS, it just makes it all so much more complicated.

Idk what I’m looking for out of this other than: does anyone else relate? lol

  • beliquititious@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    2·
    1 month ago

    I have pretty mixed feelings about it. I have a lot of dysphoria using the bathroom because my penis has gotten so small from HRT I can’t just sit down and pee, I have to physically manipulate it to not make a mess. It’s a constant reminder of how different I am from other women and it’s very invalidating. On the other hand that’s kind of a perk too because I haven’t needed to tuck in several years.

    But at the same time, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have health insurance again because I decided to abandon my career for unrelated reasons so footing the $50k-$100k bill is out of the question. There is also the fact that I am grey ace and don’t have much interest in most kinds of sex so having one genital configuration or another doesn’t matter all that much. Though I do wonder how much of that is related to the dysphoria because vaginal sex is still appealing if the vagina was mine. I’ve also kind of come to the decision not to pursue romantic or sexual relationships anymore because of my body, but also a lot of unrelated mental health stuff so probably the only thing that will interact with my genitals in the future is my magic wand, Keanu.

    I’ve also heard there are some serious, potentially life threatening complications that can come from bottom surgery and that dilating a neo-vagina after surgery can be extraordinarily painful and take months to finish.

    • isleepinahammock@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      2·
      1 month ago

      But at the same time, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have health insurance again because I decided to abandon my career for unrelated reasons so footing the $50k-$100k bill is out of the question.

      You can fly to Thailand and get SRS for $10-15k from some of the most skilled and experienced SRS surgeons on the planet.

      I’ve also heard there are some serious, potentially life threatening complications that can come from bottom surgery and that dilating a neo-vagina after surgery can be extraordinarily painful and take months to finish.

      Eh. The first year sucks, but after that it’s not too bad.