That’s a really nice ladel, though.
Honestly, I’d be completely happy with that.
Telling people what you want for your birthday feels weird though.
It feels like either we should be close enough that you can think about my hobbies, interests, and life and come up with something that fits, or we’re not close and you get me something fun and generic and it’s nice because I didn’t expect anything from you.
But the middle ground of being like 'its your birthday and I’m willing to spend an amount of money that I won’t really notice on you, but put in no mental effort whatsoever and in fact ask you to put in the mental effort of thinking of an appropriate gift" feels less like gift giving and more like making someone else do all the work so you can check a box.
Ya I hate it when people tell me what they want for their birthday or whatever.
Because if I had already been planning on getting it I’m like “GOD DAMNIT now they’ll think I only got it because they told me to and not because I know exactly what they wanted and was listening to them in the conversation we had about it 3 months ago!”
I also hate gift cards, because you might as well just give cash which can at least be used to pay the bills if need be instead of forcing them to buy something they don’t really need.
Part of it for me is, for the amount of money I’d feel is appropriate for a gift, I can and usually just buy those things for myself. If not, it’s probably not something I’m really that interested in.
If you don’t tell me exactly what you want, then you’re most likely getting either nothing from me or just a gift card. This goes for both friends and family and not just birthdays. Every year when it gets to Christmastime, my mom says she doesn’t want anything. So I just get her the same gift card I always get her for her favorite restaurant.
The point of a gift isn’t its material worth.
When I’m picking out a gift for someone I specifically try to pick something that I think they will like and use but is also reflective of my own personal quirks. I’m a bit more tech and DIY inclined then most of my family (clearly, I’m on Lemmy) so most gifts from me tend to be tools or computer related or electronics. Sometimes that’s a miss, sometimes it’s a home run and I get them a gift that never would’ve occurred to them on their own, but they end up using regularly.
The goal is something that fits into their lives while also carrying an element of me that using the gift will remind them of. It’s personal, it’s meaningful, and it exhibits a degree of thoughtfulness that makes the gift special.
All that said… I’d never turn up my nose at a gift card. I’ve received many, I’ve given several. Sometimes you’re just not sure. Sometimes a person has everything you’d think of wanting to give them. Sometimes you just don’t have the time. Sometimes the entire gift-giving ritual is just too much to deal with.
That’s perfectly fine. I will never begrudge someone for choosing a simpler path at a time that’s already fraught with expectation and other assorted stress.
Begin Rant:
I have found that any ‘weird feeling’ I have that effectively causes more useless and unnecessary things to be purchased is almost certainly been ingrained in our culture by some ancient and effective advertisement campaign. Giving cash is tacky, giving gift cards shows you care more; They should be able to guess what I want for a gift; Wedding Registers; Anniversary Gift Tiers (year of Paper?); Etc.
I don’t even bother checking anymore when I encounter something like that - I just try to recognize it when some POS has mind fucked me by having previously brainwashed one of my ancestors and try to restore sane thought.
Any unease and obligation can be replaced with the certainty that Cash is always welcome and useful, at least for now. That said, if you have some true knowledge, or genuine interesting and an attainable plan then by all means act decisively.
:End Rant
Personally, the more interested in something I am, the harder it will be to get me a related gift I’ll be happy about. I’ve probably already got the more obvious stuff, and decent versions of them that I put a lot of thought into selecting.
That’s why I personally try to avoid interests and give gifts that are generally useful but less obvious. Things that people might have on a mental “that would be nice to have but I can’t be bothered right now” list.
A great gift giving philosophy, because it also requires thought and intention.
They know I like games. They even know what games I tend to like. They don’t know every game I own.
They get me a game. I already own it.
Would have been better to just tell them what I’d like. 🤷♂️
You might think you know what they want and be totally wrong.
Asking never hurts. They can give you a list of options or say “whatever”, but you don’t have to be a baby about it.
If they say whatever, it just means they’re letting you know you don’t have to stress about it, but you should still make a genuine effort to get something they might want.
You might think you know what they want and be totally wrong.
I’d rather see someone put in thought and effort and be wrong, then ask me to put in thought and effort and be right.
Asking never hurts. They can give you a list of options or say “whatever”, but you don’t have to be a baby about it.
You’re literally putting all the gift giving work on them by asking them to think of a gift that they might like, that someone else isn’t likely to get them, and that would be in an appropriate price range for you.
If it’s a one-off like ‘hey, I’m really racking my brain this year and struggling coming up with a gift for you, got any ideas I can use as a jumping off point?’ then it’s one thing, if you’re doing it for everyone, every year, then you’re just throwing money at relationships, trying to give gifts without actually putting in the thought or effort that counts.
Well not everyone thinks like you
Everyone gets defensive when they feel criticized though.
You keep feeling superior, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing
So you admit I did hit a nerve? And this is about how you feel about your own gift giving habits?
I have people in my life I care about deeply, yet I never know what gifts to get anyone. Not everyone thinks the same way as everyone else.
And how much time do you actually spend sitting down and brain storming and trying to think through each gift? Or does the obligation just come up in passing and you immediately go, ‘huh don’t know what they want, I’ll just ask them’, and stop trying?
My SO gets people gifts he would want, things he’s interested in at the time. I stopped looking forward to gifting a long time ago, I put a lot of thought into his, but now it’s like, how about we each buy a pair of shoes we like for our birthdays.
I forget who it was, but a public figure once said that birthdays are horrible because it allows people you thought you were close to to demonstrate how little they really know you
Slight misunderstanding when she said, “I want the receipt with the gift.”
fuck yeah, ladle. i think most people need a new ladle.
edit:spelling
I spent way too long wondering why your sentence looked wrong. I re-read it several times but it all seemed fine, I mean, that’s obviously how you spell ladel. But then I realised it’s actually ladle, and English is stupid.
and so am i! updated <3
A while back, I got one of those ladles that separates out the theoretically undesirable fat/oil from soup. We don’t consume a lot of soup, but have occasionally had the opportunity to appreciate the ladle. I’d recommend one, but probably wouldn’t give it as a gift.
edit: At least not a special occasion gift.
I’d be mad if i got a plastic cooking utensil
I would just laugh. At least they’re thinking of me.
But would you answer “Whatever lol” to someone trying to be nice to you ?
Hopefully not.Is it nice to make someone do the mental labor of coming up with a gift?
laminiert
After 36 years of marriage, it do be that way.
Many people just stop giving each other gifts at some point
l will never give in!
Bringing the receipts works for most situations… not this one.
So the gifter decided their friend needed more microplastics in their life
