I’m including Samwise and Déagol, I know Déagol only had it for a couple minutes but it still counts, and Samwise had it for about a day in Cirith Ungol.

Tom Bombadil only handled it, so I get to 6, too.

Nothing like going into the living room talking to be greeted by shushes, everyone’s around the TV listening intently to ‘el mentiroso’ for their horoscope like an absolutely major world-shattering announcement gonna drop, and my luck near everyone, even my grandma was a Sagittarius, so whatever I needed to say was gonna wait a good long min while you could hear a mouse fart. I had a bit of a crush on him when I was little tho, lol.

I always thought it was hilarious that a guy who was so clearly and unashamedly grifting had Market for a last name.

In the opening verse, Sir Mix-A-Lot professes his affinity for large buttocks and his inability to conceal this fact from others. He goes on to describe other desirable physical attributes such as a trim waistline, tight fitting garments, and unblemished skin. Though the song does not contain a distinct narrative, the author does visit upon recurrent themes such as, female body image as depicted in media, male attitudes towards dating and relationships, and the author’s own sexual prowess.

In later verses he expresses his exasperation with the entertainment industry’s portrayal of the ideal female form. He soundly rejects the notion promulgated by fashion magazines that smaller diminutive buttocks are more desirable. His critique of the women that appeared in contemporary music videos was particularly scathing, likening their appearance to those of prostitutes. To further illustrate his point, he stipulates the purported ideal proportions of 36-24-36 (measuring the bust, waist, and hip diameter respectively) would only be pleasing on women with a standing height no greater than 63 inches.

Mix-A-Lot also briefly touches upon the rolls that ethnicity, nutrition, and physical fitness play in determining the shape and size of the female buttocks. He recommends that any exercises performed should be limited to the abdominal area. He cautions against a fitness routine strenuous enough to diminish the heft of the gluteal muscles. Though he offers no broad dietary guidelines, Mix-A-Lot contends that the dish “red beans and rice” is an important food staple for maintaining a healthy buttocks.

Various lyrics address the fact that some men find no intrinsic value in large buttocks and consequently feign disinterest. Mix-A-Lot makes clear that he would eagerly strike up relations with any woman overlooked or discarded by such men. The remainder of the narrative is fleshed out with the author’s various attempts to entice women into enjoying a ride in his luxury automobile, presumably in exchange for sexual favors.

It’s an accurate description, wiki fascists spoil our fun

Not snappy enough, plus the '99 web design look makes it hard to take seriously