It’s not shaming them for not performing patriarchal masculinity, it’s shaming them for hating women. You are being disingenuous if you think that’s all we hate incels for.
whenever incels are mentioned there are dozens of posts pointing and laughing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing
cool on you for getting help for your schizophrenia im just a weaker person who deserves to die i guess
I have never kissed a woman, I have never slept with a woman, even though i have craved companionship all my life. I feel lonely every time I go to sleep and every time I wake up. I feel ashamed for this and feel like there’s something deeply personally wrong with me. My favorite movies are romance movies.
There’s nothing wrong with you, and that doesn’t make you an incel. I had a lot of these feelings when I was younger too. The difference between not getting laid and being an incel is the mindset you have. An incel uses their loneliness to fuel their loneliness and hatred towards other people. A normal person just gets a bit down about it. You don’t have to play defense for hateful people because you’re not included in that group unless you choose to be.
I feel for the people who just can’t find companionship. It is hard in this capitalist hellscape to find it. But ultimately the best way to find that companionship is to get out there. I do pretty well on queer dating apps, high rates of neurodivergence and more leftism than normal dating apps, albeit still a lot of libs. Maybe you’ll find someone on a discord server. I know long distance stuff kinda sucks, but it can be nice to have someone to fall asleep on call with and have that be your little “snuggle” fix.
Something I think you should remind yourself though is that you’re often romanticizing romance. Many people in relationships are in messy relationships that they shouldn’t be in. My last relationship existed, but was absolutely horrible for me. I was in that relationship because I felt the need to not be alone, and it destroyed me. Just put yourself out there in your own way, and you’ll find someone eventually. Feel free to be a little flirty, as long as you’re able to shut it down if someone asks you to.
no one has desired me in a decade. ive never felt part of a group. ive grown so much as a person over the last ten years, ive become such a more well-rounded more interesting person but none of that seems to matter, even at my most out-going there was just no one ot there for me. i just moved and i searched three years for a place and the place is much nicer but i just feel even more like shit. there seems to be less “out there” day by day and i live in a big fucking city and i am in university with people who have the same interest but everbody is too busy to have time for me and nobody wants to connect and im sure they all feel as lonely as i do but nothing ever amounts to anything and i got active in our institute and did events but nobody went to them
and im not queer i do not feel like a gender i do not feel like presenting any different or being anything and if people want to say he that is alright and if they want to say my name thats alright i dont care i just want to be wanted and for people to talk to me and be nice to me
of course i am romancing romance why do you think its called romance thats what romance is for, love transcends everything if you let it, love is the greatest force in the universe, theres this whole other world of experiences out there that i am just not privy to ive got all this skin that nobody has ever touched. if a woman gently caressed my thigh she could then stick a knife through my heart and that would be alright
Yeah, the only existing third spaces nowadays seem to be digital. Atomization of the working class is very real, and has very real impacts on social networking. All the people who want to interact with more people are moving to spaces like discord or places like this website. It sucks, but at some level you just have to roll with the times. I personally hate discord, but I still have it specifically for those third spaces.
And I’m not saying there’s anything abnormal about romanticizing romance, I’m just saying that waiting for the right person is worth it. The wrong person will absolutely ruin your life and you’ll just be addicted to it. Other people may have relationships, but there’s no speaking on how healthy or unhealthy their relationships may be.
Something I will say though is that you gotta chill out on defending incels, because it makes you seem like an incel and that will turn people away from you. You don’t have to ridicule them, but playing defense for them is a really bad look to say the least. Just try to be chill and try to appreciate people for who they are, and people will appreciate that you do that. Being nice and helpful are super attractive traits that will boost your self esteem and get you far.
Yeah, the only existing third spaces nowadays seem to be digital. Atomization of the working class is very real, and has very real impacts on social networking. All the people who want to interact with more people are moving to spaces like discord or places like this website. It sucks, but at some level you just have to roll with the times. I personally hate discord, but I still have it specifically for those third spaces.
this cannot be life. this cannot be the life i have to live. i have maybe 70 to 80 years on this earth and i need to put all of my existing into that time and a single second together with a friend is worth more than a thousand hours on discord. i want to be able to touch my friends, i want to smell them, i want to hold them, i want to feel them fill the room. i want to see them with my own eyes, without interruption and delay, without translation, i want to shout with them and sing with them and dance with them and make music with them and the world just doesn’t want me to and there are people who can do this so why can’t i what the fuck is wrong with me. why am i neither a person who can just live online nor someone who can just live offline
Something I will say though is that you gotta chill out on defending incels, because it makes you seem like an incel and that will turn people away from you. You don’t have to ridicule them, but playing defense for them is a really bad look to say the least.
i feel for the incel because never feeling desired will break your spirit and your heart and your body and your soul. i obviously don’t defend incels in real life, but i genuinely think the way people write about these things on here is wrong and disgusting and just as wrong-headed as the way incels talk.
Just try to be chill and try to appreciate people for who they are, and people will appreciate that you do that. Being nice and helpful are super attractive traits that will boost your self esteem and get you far.
i am chill and appreciate people, i live a genuine life and have hobbies and friends and i go out sometimes and im nice an helpful. if you saw me in a group of people you couldn’t pick me out (i think). this has not gotten me far. in fact it has gotten me absolutely nowhere. im just as much of a virgin as i was ten years ago and believe me ive become a much more genuine and nice and helpful and interesting and interested person in that time and i treat everybody with respect and interest and all i want is someone to hold me and to say they want me and that they want to spend time with me and that has never happened and the whole weight of the world lies on me and there’s nothing beneath me but an endless abyss and if i die without ever having received love then that would be a fate infinitely worse than never having lived at all. life with love is everything and life without love is nothing
I think you’re making a very dangerous conflation here. Yes, there are lazy assholes on the board who like punching down at miserable mentally ill people because ultimately the board is full of shitty people to only a slightly lesser degree than most places, and they fucking love being given permission to designate someone as subhuman if that designated subhuman doesn’t have a visible identity they can whip out to say they’re one of the good guys because they’re also socially minoritized. This leads to attacking a lot of mentally ill people, but woke.
However
“Incel” does not mean miserable loner with mental illness. There are a lot of miserable loners with mental illness who are not incels, and I know that because I’m one of them and have spent many years as one, but I’ve never called myself an “incel,” I don’t spend my time on internet boards with nazis ranting about why women should be slaves, as I said before, there’s a difference between having a rough time with being mentally ill and unloved and making a political project of hating women and seeking their terror and subjugation.
While it is totally within your capability to stop making this conflation, I don’t think it started with you nearly as much as it started with people masking their antisocial attitude towards, uh, let’s call them sad virgins by couching it in terms of rightful criticism of the politically heinous project of incels, the way that some “socialists” love going “white women be like” because they want to say “women be like.” They just phrase it differently to make their disgusting attitudes palatable to certain other self-styled progressives. My guess (I apologize for using italics to much here) is that you at least intuited this pattern of behavior but just drew a poor conclusion from it by letting those “fake woke” assholes convince you that you and incels have common cause when that could not be farther from the truth.
[In reference to some of your other comments] I’ve known guys like you who let the not getting laid thing develop into an obsession and have had such an obsession myself a long time ago. I can’t really help you with that, I couldn’t help the other guys and I myself only really understood how ridiculous that attitude is after I spent some time in a relationship, so I didn’t really need to outgrow it. I’m lonely again now and have been for years, but my experience tells me that fucking wouldn’t somehow make me whole and it’s not worth obsessing over. I can’t transmit that to you, so basically there’s just the drop in the bucket as my anecdotal evidence.
I think very few people on this board are going to engage with you constructively on this, so if their being gross is intolerable to you, it’s probably not good to keep complaining to them because you’re just an other to them. Some people can engage on this and I see one or two have though (e.g. the person who explained the significance of the fact that most people don’t like ER).
Edit: I should say that there’s also a lot of rightful incel-bashing that doesn’t make the conflation that I mentioned, it’s just that it can be misconstrued that way if you have already bought into “incel” being a codeword for “miserable loner with mental illness”.
I’ve known guys like you who let the not getting laid thing develop into an obsession and have had such an obsession myself a long time ago. I can’t really help you with that, I couldn’t help the other guys and I myself only really understood how ridiculous that attitude is after I spent some time in a relationship, so I didn’t really need to outgrow it. I’m lonely again now and have been for years, but my experience tells me that fucking wouldn’t somehow make me whole and it’s not worth obsessing over. I can’t transmit that to you, so basically there’s just the drop in the bucket as my anecdotal evidence.
So you were in a relationship? Some person told you “I love you” and no matter how short it was for a single faction of your existence you were loved and desired by somebody? Somebody told you “I want to share my life (however brief) with you?” That’s all I want, just give me a single second of that and I’ll never complain again. It’s not about getting laid, it’s about being desired. And being desired is a basic normal human need and when that need is not met and has never been met you’ll lose your mind.
That’s why you grew out of it when you had a relationship.
Sorry for having a mental illness, sorry for being stupid, sorry for being socially inept, sorry for not being a productive worker sorry for not being normal sorry for being born to poor parents who beat me, sorry for not rising above my class, sorry for being not normal, sorry for being such a loser, do I now deserve love???
Removed by mod
It’s not shaming them for not performing patriarchal masculinity, it’s shaming them for hating women. You are being disingenuous if you think that’s all we hate incels for.
whenever incels are mentioned there are dozens of posts pointing and laughing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing
cool on you for getting help for your schizophrenia im just a weaker person who deserves to die i guess
So are you an incel?
I have never kissed a woman, I have never slept with a woman, even though i have craved companionship all my life. I feel lonely every time I go to sleep and every time I wake up. I feel ashamed for this and feel like there’s something deeply personally wrong with me. My favorite movies are romance movies.
There’s nothing wrong with you, and that doesn’t make you an incel. I had a lot of these feelings when I was younger too. The difference between not getting laid and being an incel is the mindset you have. An incel uses their loneliness to fuel their loneliness and hatred towards other people. A normal person just gets a bit down about it. You don’t have to play defense for hateful people because you’re not included in that group unless you choose to be.
I feel for the people who just can’t find companionship. It is hard in this capitalist hellscape to find it. But ultimately the best way to find that companionship is to get out there. I do pretty well on queer dating apps, high rates of neurodivergence and more leftism than normal dating apps, albeit still a lot of libs. Maybe you’ll find someone on a discord server. I know long distance stuff kinda sucks, but it can be nice to have someone to fall asleep on call with and have that be your little “snuggle” fix.
Something I think you should remind yourself though is that you’re often romanticizing romance. Many people in relationships are in messy relationships that they shouldn’t be in. My last relationship existed, but was absolutely horrible for me. I was in that relationship because I felt the need to not be alone, and it destroyed me. Just put yourself out there in your own way, and you’ll find someone eventually. Feel free to be a little flirty, as long as you’re able to shut it down if someone asks you to.
no one has desired me in a decade. ive never felt part of a group. ive grown so much as a person over the last ten years, ive become such a more well-rounded more interesting person but none of that seems to matter, even at my most out-going there was just no one ot there for me. i just moved and i searched three years for a place and the place is much nicer but i just feel even more like shit. there seems to be less “out there” day by day and i live in a big fucking city and i am in university with people who have the same interest but everbody is too busy to have time for me and nobody wants to connect and im sure they all feel as lonely as i do but nothing ever amounts to anything and i got active in our institute and did events but nobody went to them
and im not queer i do not feel like a gender i do not feel like presenting any different or being anything and if people want to say he that is alright and if they want to say my name thats alright i dont care i just want to be wanted and for people to talk to me and be nice to me
of course i am romancing romance why do you think its called romance thats what romance is for, love transcends everything if you let it, love is the greatest force in the universe, theres this whole other world of experiences out there that i am just not privy to ive got all this skin that nobody has ever touched. if a woman gently caressed my thigh she could then stick a knife through my heart and that would be alright
Yeah, the only existing third spaces nowadays seem to be digital. Atomization of the working class is very real, and has very real impacts on social networking. All the people who want to interact with more people are moving to spaces like discord or places like this website. It sucks, but at some level you just have to roll with the times. I personally hate discord, but I still have it specifically for those third spaces.
And I’m not saying there’s anything abnormal about romanticizing romance, I’m just saying that waiting for the right person is worth it. The wrong person will absolutely ruin your life and you’ll just be addicted to it. Other people may have relationships, but there’s no speaking on how healthy or unhealthy their relationships may be.
Something I will say though is that you gotta chill out on defending incels, because it makes you seem like an incel and that will turn people away from you. You don’t have to ridicule them, but playing defense for them is a really bad look to say the least. Just try to be chill and try to appreciate people for who they are, and people will appreciate that you do that. Being nice and helpful are super attractive traits that will boost your self esteem and get you far.
this cannot be life. this cannot be the life i have to live. i have maybe 70 to 80 years on this earth and i need to put all of my existing into that time and a single second together with a friend is worth more than a thousand hours on discord. i want to be able to touch my friends, i want to smell them, i want to hold them, i want to feel them fill the room. i want to see them with my own eyes, without interruption and delay, without translation, i want to shout with them and sing with them and dance with them and make music with them and the world just doesn’t want me to and there are people who can do this so why can’t i what the fuck is wrong with me. why am i neither a person who can just live online nor someone who can just live offline
i feel for the incel because never feeling desired will break your spirit and your heart and your body and your soul. i obviously don’t defend incels in real life, but i genuinely think the way people write about these things on here is wrong and disgusting and just as wrong-headed as the way incels talk.
i am chill and appreciate people, i live a genuine life and have hobbies and friends and i go out sometimes and im nice an helpful. if you saw me in a group of people you couldn’t pick me out (i think). this has not gotten me far. in fact it has gotten me absolutely nowhere. im just as much of a virgin as i was ten years ago and believe me ive become a much more genuine and nice and helpful and interesting and interested person in that time and i treat everybody with respect and interest and all i want is someone to hold me and to say they want me and that they want to spend time with me and that has never happened and the whole weight of the world lies on me and there’s nothing beneath me but an endless abyss and if i die without ever having received love then that would be a fate infinitely worse than never having lived at all. life with love is everything and life without love is nothing
there was a woman who had interest in me ten years ago since then nothing even at my most social times i have many friends but most have moved away
I had a dream where I kissed a woman a few days back oh boy was that fun I wish I had never woken up
I think you’re making a very dangerous conflation here. Yes, there are lazy assholes on the board who like punching down at miserable mentally ill people because ultimately the board is full of shitty people to only a slightly lesser degree than most places, and they fucking love being given permission to designate someone as subhuman if that designated subhuman doesn’t have a visible identity they can whip out to say they’re one of the good guys because they’re also socially minoritized. This leads to attacking a lot of mentally ill people, but woke.
However
“Incel” does not mean miserable loner with mental illness. There are a lot of miserable loners with mental illness who are not incels, and I know that because I’m one of them and have spent many years as one, but I’ve never called myself an “incel,” I don’t spend my time on internet boards with nazis ranting about why women should be slaves, as I said before, there’s a difference between having a rough time with being mentally ill and unloved and making a political project of hating women and seeking their terror and subjugation.
While it is totally within your capability to stop making this conflation, I don’t think it started with you nearly as much as it started with people masking their antisocial attitude towards, uh, let’s call them sad virgins by couching it in terms of rightful criticism of the politically heinous project of incels, the way that some “socialists” love going “white women be like” because they want to say “women be like.” They just phrase it differently to make their disgusting attitudes palatable to certain other self-styled progressives. My guess (I apologize for using italics to much here) is that you at least intuited this pattern of behavior but just drew a poor conclusion from it by letting those “fake woke” assholes convince you that you and incels have common cause when that could not be farther from the truth.
[In reference to some of your other comments] I’ve known guys like you who let the not getting laid thing develop into an obsession and have had such an obsession myself a long time ago. I can’t really help you with that, I couldn’t help the other guys and I myself only really understood how ridiculous that attitude is after I spent some time in a relationship, so I didn’t really need to outgrow it. I’m lonely again now and have been for years, but my experience tells me that fucking wouldn’t somehow make me whole and it’s not worth obsessing over. I can’t transmit that to you, so basically there’s just the drop in the bucket as my anecdotal evidence.
I think very few people on this board are going to engage with you constructively on this, so if their being gross is intolerable to you, it’s probably not good to keep complaining to them because you’re just an other to them. Some people can engage on this and I see one or two have though (e.g. the person who explained the significance of the fact that most people don’t like ER).
Edit: I should say that there’s also a lot of rightful incel-bashing that doesn’t make the conflation that I mentioned, it’s just that it can be misconstrued that way if you have already bought into “incel” being a codeword for “miserable loner with mental illness”.
So you were in a relationship? Some person told you “I love you” and no matter how short it was for a single faction of your existence you were loved and desired by somebody? Somebody told you “I want to share my life (however brief) with you?” That’s all I want, just give me a single second of that and I’ll never complain again. It’s not about getting laid, it’s about being desired. And being desired is a basic normal human need and when that need is not met and has never been met you’ll lose your mind.
That’s why you grew out of it when you had a relationship.
Sorry for having a mental illness, sorry for being stupid, sorry for being socially inept, sorry for not being a productive worker sorry for not being normal sorry for being born to poor parents who beat me, sorry for not rising above my class, sorry for being not normal, sorry for being such a loser, do I now deserve love???