For context: This Monday I came out to my work colleges and asked them also to call me by my new name and pronouns. Everyone is very supportive which is all that I could hope for. The only issue is, since in my family noone calls me by my actual name, not many people in my life actually call me by my chosen name (at least up until now).
With everyone at work calling me by my chosen name now, it actually feels quite a bit strange, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassing.
I did talk to my therapist about something like that once and he said that, yes, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and yes, that is uncomfortable but it’s a necessary step to get better.
And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like “how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable” and so on.
And now I’m here, asking you for similar experiences you’ve had to hopefully get it through my fat skull that it’s a normal thing to feel (hopefully).
So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?
You have spent literally your entire life, drowned in anti trans messaging. And somehow, here you are, telling the world who you are anyway. That’s not the experience of an imposter. That’s the experience of a trans person trying to deal with a lifetime of negative indoctrination. Even when we recognise it for what it is, it still impacts us, because that’s how indoctrination works.
It’s going to take time to work through all of this, and undo some of that damage. Give yourself permission to work through it. It might be two steps forward, one step back, but you’ll get there :)
One day, you’ll realise that you haven’t thought about it for days. Thats when you’ll know it’s clicked :)
I’ve got no words… Thank you so much TwT