like, if I’m nice (as I would prefer to be), a man might get the wrong impression, but I’m also afraid to be rude or do anything to upset them so I have to be the right kind of nice or polite - it’s a real double-bind, and something I don’t experience with women
As someone who was raised male, I can shed some light on this because it is absolutely a thing: Men are starved of emotional connection in their relationships with friends and often emotionally stunted as a result. Our culture doesn’t allow men to have emotionally fulfilling relationships with other men outside of very specific circumstances, often revolving around life-or-death situations or simulacrums of such situations (stuff that replicates war usually, like sports or hunting), so any sort of attempt at an emotional connection like a normal friendship has comes off as intimate or as romantic interest. Normal stuff like hugging, cuddling, or even just physical touch is largely off limits for men.
I don’t know how to deal with it, but it’s not just you. This is a verifiable phenomenon and why we get so many “2 guys sitting in a hot tub, 5 feet apart, 'cause they’re Not Gay” style situations.
anyone who is male who opens up to anyone else, male or female or trans, gets socially rejected. anytime i have opened up about any experience in my life i am socially rejected. women don’t understand this because it is normal for them to express emotions constantly and often socially celebrated and rewarded. male expression is viewed as hostile, bizarre, and a symptom of mental illness.
the only place men can open up is in professional places, like your therapist or therapy group.
it’s pretty easy. just think of a woman crying on a bench after a breakup. people will be concerned. a man doing this, will be viewed with hostility and suspicion.
I say it with all my heart: you need better friends, man. What you’re describing is common but not normal
thanks for your comment, but unfortunately this community has a rule that only women are permitted to comment or post, so please don’t comment further
hope you understand 💚
Yeah the first thing I think when i see a dude crying on a be*ch is suspicion. Probably a suicide bomber, just waiting for someone to get close!
Maybe they should try being gay then.
Ironically, I heard somebody say once that straight men write the best gay romance because nobody is as desperate for validation from men as a straight guy is, and it makes perfect sense. Gay guys have emotionally fulfilling relationships with other men all the time.
That makes a lot of sense! Holy shit the straights are not okay, and if you tell them or offer them culture they get mad.