See title. How do I even cope with never being able to get pregnant? I mourn the fact that I never even once had the opportunity to get pregnant, to feel life in me developing, and all that. Of all things, this gives me the greatest dysphoria. I want to have wider hips and larger boobs, and even though I’m 28 (so hip widening likely won’t happen… maybe surgery?) and I’m 7 months on HRT, I feel like it’s not satisfactory yet. It has made me so much happier and I feel much more liberated having HRT, but even before I knew trans was a thing, even early on, I still had the desire to eventually be able to get pregnant.
I don’t care that it’s a lot of morning sickness, feeling miserable and extremely tired, heavy, and all that - I experienced long illness before. But having someone at the end of it, feeling the baby kick… I heavily miss that I cannot experience that. I’m happy for those who can, but I wish I could, and I want to actively fight for it. Even if I die or suffer horribly, then at least I will have contributed to further understanding so that people may one time experience it.
To that child whom I will likely not have the luck of carrying – may life find you when it calls you. I love you with all my heart and I wish I were able to see you. If I ever do succeed in that, then I swear solemnly to thank the world for its bounty and gifts; and regardless I will support all who struggle through life.
tbh just not thinking about it and avoiding triggers … I never wanted children until I was on estrogen, unfortunately that flipped my biological switch and now I wish I could get pregnant and have kids 😞
my voice and face are much greater daily sources of dysphoria, usually the pregnancy issue comes up when I see other mothers and I yearn to be like them.
That said, it’s tempered some by knowing even if I could get pregnant, I’m not sure I would do it - I don’t feel ready or competent enough. I feel like I haven’t figured out how to care for myself yet, let alone be well enough that I would feel confident I wouldn’t screw up my kids. I see how little is in my control, and I just couldn’t stomach participating in perpetuating cycles of generational trauma.