I’m 7 months into this job where I work in a 4 person office. This one coworker is a senior level staff member boomer who is generally cordial up front but seemingly pretty hostile. I sense that she’s tried to undermine my work, I swear I’ve heard her talk shit about me to the other coworkers, and I get the general sense she’s trying to promote an environment where I’m the one being bullied

I play nice at the office, engage in conversations with the others including her. We have plenty of conversations about general topics 1 on 1. I need to do this because I’m trying to ingratiate myself with the company and one of my job descriptions specifies that I work well with others.

I don’t really have much work with her. Today she came into the office and I said hi and she looked at me and ignored my greeting. Thought that was odd, but I ignored it. But it’s happened a handful of times now.

I’m happy to ignore as I fucking hate her for wanting to get me fired but I have to pretend I’m all lovey dovey with my coworkers and she can fuck my relationship with the others, one of them who is the fucking VP of the company. Another problem is that I don’t have much sway in the office and the other three are cordial and light hearted to my face but I don’t inagine they actually like me and that she has way more sway with them.

What do I even do? I’m sensing danger

  • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    12·
    1 month ago

    Start looking for another job on the down low. I know it’s not what you wanna hear, but there’s no magic bullet for making someone like you. Maybe stick it out and start a cash side hustle so you can pull unemployment when she throws you under the bus. Sorry, people are just shit sometimes. Good luck!

    I know it’s not what you wanna hear, but there’s no magic bullet for making someone like you.

    Well… You could gaslight her. There’s all sorts of psychological research (typically by marketers) about manipulating people into liking someone. One technique is by having them do small favors for a person. So like time to time, if you could get her do something for you that she can’t really say no to and then really make her feel good about doing it, by praising her etc. That would help. Also if you know her favorite bands or books or something start partaking in them and give her a reason to gush to you about them, make her see you as part of her in group… Etc.

    • Moidialectica [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      5·
      1 month ago

      if you can spend the time, and if the crowd is small enough, bake some carrot cakes and share it around. Get two sodas (preferably one that you know she likes) and give it to her, saying you got it by accident from a vending machine or that there was a sale for buy 2 get 1 type of deal

      • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        9·
        1 month ago

        That would read to me like toadying up, tbh. You want her to think whatever change of heart she’s having is her idea, not anything OP is doing. If we’re going for a specific scenario, I’d stalk her socials for her favorite media (preferably a book if she’s into that sort of thing) and then start reading it and leave it on my desk for her to see. (If it’s a movie, show, or whatever, I’d talk to somebody else about it while in earshot of her.) Wait for her to come to me and then ask her what she liked about it, other books she would recommend and then note them down. Then I’d wait a bit and ask if she had a copy of one of those books I could borrow (the favor) and continue building conversations with her from there. The supposed mechanism behind the favor is that when they do something for you they then justify in their own head WHY they’re doing it for you with the conclusion being that you’re not such a bad sort after all.