I’m 7 months into this job where I work in a 4 person office. This one coworker is a senior level staff member boomer who is generally cordial up front but seemingly pretty hostile. I sense that she’s tried to undermine my work, I swear I’ve heard her talk shit about me to the other coworkers, and I get the general sense she’s trying to promote an environment where I’m the one being bullied
I play nice at the office, engage in conversations with the others including her. We have plenty of conversations about general topics 1 on 1. I need to do this because I’m trying to ingratiate myself with the company and one of my job descriptions specifies that I work well with others.
I don’t really have much work with her. Today she came into the office and I said hi and she looked at me and ignored my greeting. Thought that was odd, but I ignored it. But it’s happened a handful of times now.
I’m happy to ignore as I fucking hate her for wanting to get me fired but I have to pretend I’m all lovey dovey with my coworkers and she can fuck my relationship with the others, one of them who is the fucking VP of the company. Another problem is that I don’t have much sway in the office and the other three are cordial and light hearted to my face but I don’t inagine they actually like me and that she has way more sway with them.
What do I even do? I’m sensing danger
Start looking for another job on the down low. I know it’s not what you wanna hear, but there’s no magic bullet for making someone like you. Maybe stick it out and start a cash side hustle so you can pull unemployment when she throws you under the bus. Sorry, people are just shit sometimes. Good luck!
I know it’s not what you wanna hear, but there’s no magic bullet for making someone like you.
Well… You could gaslight her. There’s all sorts of psychological research (typically by marketers) about manipulating people into liking someone. One technique is by having them do small favors for a person. So like time to time, if you could get her do something for you that she can’t really say no to and then really make her feel good about doing it, by praising her etc. That would help. Also if you know her favorite bands or books or something start partaking in them and give her a reason to gush to you about them, make her see you as part of her in group… Etc.
if you can spend the time, and if the crowd is small enough, bake some carrot cakes and share it around. Get two sodas (preferably one that you know she likes) and give it to her, saying you got it by accident from a vending machine or that there was a sale for buy 2 get 1 type of deal
That would read to me like toadying up, tbh. You want her to think whatever change of heart she’s having is her idea, not anything OP is doing. If we’re going for a specific scenario, I’d stalk her socials for her favorite media (preferably a book if she’s into that sort of thing) and then start reading it and leave it on my desk for her to see. (If it’s a movie, show, or whatever, I’d talk to somebody else about it while in earshot of her.) Wait for her to come to me and then ask her what she liked about it, other books she would recommend and then note them down. Then I’d wait a bit and ask if she had a copy of one of those books I could borrow (the favor) and continue building conversations with her from there. The supposed mechanism behind the favor is that when they do something for you they then justify in their own head WHY they’re doing it for you with the conclusion being that you’re not such a bad sort after all.
If you’re concerned and you can I’d try to make sure that anything you discuss with her remotely regarding the job is in writing, in an email; requests of her, confirming details of tasks etc. If it comes to nothing, it’s just a bit awkward. If she or the company try and fuck you over then you at least have a written record of interactions.to avoid a they said / I said heresay situation.
are you part of a larger organization that has HR or is it just the 4 of you? if it’s some family business or pet project and she’s loved, you’re probably fucked. if it’s a bigger organization then they probably have policies. follow those while grey rocking her and don’t rise to any bait. focus on the work and make sure your instructions are in writing. if you’re in a litigious country like the US then you might be able to make it a pain in the ass to fire you or could create a employment law claim that you could aim back at HR, but your odds in achieving that successfully depend dramatically on how much you both get paid, and how much revenue you both bring in, and how attractive you are.
if she really sucks she might be unpopular with other staff, but if she’s bringing in serious revenue and you don’t then you’re fucked. look for new work in the meantime.
It’s a larger organization. But again, one of the people in the office is the VP and she’s worked under this him for years. Then again, he also was the one who interviewed me, and I got hired off that interview.
… one of the people in the office is the VP… he also was the one who interviewed me, and I got hired off that interview.
If you feel comfortable enough, it seems like a light chat with the VP about what might be going on with your boss might be in order.
Something along the lines of, “Hey, big boss, usually the mini boss and I get along okay. I’ll say hi and they’ll say hi back. But I’ve noticed recently they’ve been a bit… distant. Are they doing okay? Is something going on?”
Duel to the death on the rooftops with sabers
How do you perform at the job? People who make valuable contributions and promote a healthy working environment will be looked upon much more highly than someone who is tearing that down.
Is there a chance that you’ll be at this job as long as 5 years? I think you mentioned this coworker is older, is there a chance she will retire out around that amount of time?
i like the idea about making cookies, except put ricin in theirs.
at the funeral, lean over the casket and quietly say, “checkmate.”
just kidding don’t do any of that no matter how hilarious and cool it would be.
What’s wrong with putting rice in cookies
