I’ve had loads last night.

Sleep paralysis demon that looked like someone I knew climbing into my bed and choking me.

Playing through a video game where I fall through multiple traps, fall off the stage and then have the devil turn towards me (looking like a more realistic black-haired version of Alastor from Hazbin Hotel and say “You told them, didn’t you?”

One where I was working an evening shift at my local supermarket, had to close up and help clean up the store.

Sleep paralysis where I was being dismembered like a horror film. Luckily my partner heard my vocalisations and woke me up.

Me and my toddler in bed (as in real life too), and some guys i knew from work say they need to “clear the infestation”. And start stabbing randomly at the bed with daggers. A big lump appears in the bed running around while they try to hit it.

One of the guys says “look, yermaw, you need to change its nappy before we stab it its fucking rotten”. I lift the covers to find a toddler. I dont recognise it as mine, or even human, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with its shape/colour/size.

I go to ‘change its nappy’ and instead run outside with both toddlers, steal a car and race to the hospital. I explain that I need to see a mental health doctor immediately, and explain that this child might be mine and I might be suffering some weird mental health crisis, but the other is definitely mine. They explain to me that its a 6 month waiting list, and im in no fit state to care for either child and take them off me there and then.

Then the guys from before show up, and they’re pissed at me for “letting it get away”, and apparently I’m a traitor to the entire human race AND ive lost my daughter and possibly a son, who knows.

I woke up panicking then, but its a shame because that had all the makings of a tense psychological thriller.

I have a weird dream right now looking at all the sh**t happening around the world

Okay, I remember a dream I had the other night. I forgot it only to remember later. I’m sort of scatter-brained. I was hugging a dog and crying. I’ve never had a dog before. I like dogs.

I dreamt I had a really bad bed bug problem. And when I woke up I had itching on my arm as I guess a lingering effect of the dream. But in my just-woke-up haze I was thinking maybe I actually did have a bed bug problem and the dream was my body’s way of trying to warn me.

Recently, can’t remember shit. When I was younger I used to have nightmares (weren’t really scary, more so unpleasant) where my dick fell off. Also of other things falling off.

I went on a hike and stopped to get a soda. The soda store had a door where you had to tap your phone to open it. But first you had to put a credit on your phone. To do that there was a toy pig you had to feed and I couldn’t get it to work.

I was sitting on a park bench with a giant bowl of grapes, slicing them in half with a butchers cleaver and eating them. I don’t really like or eat grapes…

I got fired for disabling our company VPN too often. Made me chuckle once I woke up.

I had one that my best friend’s fiancé started hitting me up. Freaked me out becuase they are lesbian and I am a man. That was honestly weirder than the one where I was doing a bicycle demolition derby against Goofy, Mickey Mouse, and Bill Nye

Doing product design and photography with someone I was close with. I often dreamscape my life if I had not been physically disabled. It is like alternate self universes, a haunting nightmare really.

I had a dream that I was a commander in the Imperial Ace Hardware Army and I was tasked with a campaign to take over a small mom and pop hardware store in rural Mongolia and assimilate it into the Ace Hardware chain.

Every single night I have a strange recurring dream, where I am wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream…

Every night hehe,