"How do I find friends?" is the most common question German influencers get asked on social media. Loneliness has become a pressing issue in Germany, with far-reaching consequences.
Why would you require a good socializing skill though?
Making this some requirement doesn’t seem to solve any issue. Just let people be the way they are. They should still be able to have friends.
You exercise skills to be better at them because it gives you a better life. If you’re bad at socialising it might mean you end up with few friends, and that might make you lonely. So you practise socialising to expand your friend group so you won’t be lonely. It sounds like you prescribe to this weird new age “who you are is amazing and you don’t ever need to do any self improvement! If someone doesn’t like you it’s their problem!” No, sometimes it is in fact your problem. None of us are perfect. We can all improve in many ways.
I don’t think you’re seeing the connection you’re making.
What I’m saying is why should a socializing skill be a requirement to have friends? That is a basic human need, not something you should have to exercise for.
The same reason being nice to people makes them like you. That’s how humans work. If you’re mean to people they won’t like you. If you’re boring, people don’t find you interesting. If you say inappropriate things, they won’t like it. If your jokes suck, they won’t find you funny. We aren’t born perfectly socialised and wonderful human beings. We learn to become well integrated and liked by others. It’s a critical part of human development.
This is where idealism and reality conflict. It would be lovely if we were born as perfect creatures and everyone liked us. Many people are quite socially gifted. Many of us are not (and I include myself). We can’t force others to like us or spend time with us, so we are forced to work on ourselves and become better. Nicer. Friendlier. Funnier. More interesting. Better at listening. More empathetic. Etc.
And I posit that being nice or working on yourself, being funnier, etc. don’t make people like you any more. That is not something that matters to most people. They’ll dislike you regardless of character, speech, looks or personality.
I am saying that because it seemed to me like you’re implying people need to learn and train their socializing skills, even when it’s not in their nature.
It’s not a requirement per se, but people without social skills make contact with others harder. The proliferation of online “meeting places” lead to the degradation of social skills that is then making people connect more difficult, making everyone lonelier.
Why would you require a good socializing skill though? Making this some requirement doesn’t seem to solve any issue. Just let people be the way they are. They should still be able to have friends.
You exercise skills to be better at them because it gives you a better life. If you’re bad at socialising it might mean you end up with few friends, and that might make you lonely. So you practise socialising to expand your friend group so you won’t be lonely. It sounds like you prescribe to this weird new age “who you are is amazing and you don’t ever need to do any self improvement! If someone doesn’t like you it’s their problem!” No, sometimes it is in fact your problem. None of us are perfect. We can all improve in many ways.
I don’t think you’re seeing the connection you’re making. What I’m saying is why should a socializing skill be a requirement to have friends? That is a basic human need, not something you should have to exercise for.
The same reason being nice to people makes them like you. That’s how humans work. If you’re mean to people they won’t like you. If you’re boring, people don’t find you interesting. If you say inappropriate things, they won’t like it. If your jokes suck, they won’t find you funny. We aren’t born perfectly socialised and wonderful human beings. We learn to become well integrated and liked by others. It’s a critical part of human development.
This is where idealism and reality conflict. It would be lovely if we were born as perfect creatures and everyone liked us. Many people are quite socially gifted. Many of us are not (and I include myself). We can’t force others to like us or spend time with us, so we are forced to work on ourselves and become better. Nicer. Friendlier. Funnier. More interesting. Better at listening. More empathetic. Etc.
That is a different field from social skills.
And I posit that being nice or working on yourself, being funnier, etc. don’t make people like you any more. That is not something that matters to most people. They’ll dislike you regardless of character, speech, looks or personality.
It’s interesting that you oppose “being yourself” to “socializing skills”…
I am saying that because it seemed to me like you’re implying people need to learn and train their socializing skills, even when it’s not in their nature.
No no. They only have to, if they want to live in society. If they are fine on their own, there’s no need.
If they want to live in society, training is actually the best way to do something that is not “in your nature”.
It’s not a requirement per se, but people without social skills make contact with others harder. The proliferation of online “meeting places” lead to the degradation of social skills that is then making people connect more difficult, making everyone lonelier.
In my opinion at least.