"How do I find friends?" is the most common question German influencers get asked on social media. Loneliness has become a pressing issue in Germany, with far-reaching consequences.
The same reason being nice to people makes them like you. That’s how humans work. If you’re mean to people they won’t like you. If you’re boring, people don’t find you interesting. If you say inappropriate things, they won’t like it. If your jokes suck, they won’t find you funny. We aren’t born perfectly socialised and wonderful human beings. We learn to become well integrated and liked by others. It’s a critical part of human development.
This is where idealism and reality conflict. It would be lovely if we were born as perfect creatures and everyone liked us. Many people are quite socially gifted. Many of us are not (and I include myself). We can’t force others to like us or spend time with us, so we are forced to work on ourselves and become better. Nicer. Friendlier. Funnier. More interesting. Better at listening. More empathetic. Etc.
And I posit that being nice or working on yourself, being funnier, etc. don’t make people like you any more. That is not something that matters to most people. They’ll dislike you regardless of character, speech, looks or personality.
The same reason being nice to people makes them like you. That’s how humans work. If you’re mean to people they won’t like you. If you’re boring, people don’t find you interesting. If you say inappropriate things, they won’t like it. If your jokes suck, they won’t find you funny. We aren’t born perfectly socialised and wonderful human beings. We learn to become well integrated and liked by others. It’s a critical part of human development.
This is where idealism and reality conflict. It would be lovely if we were born as perfect creatures and everyone liked us. Many people are quite socially gifted. Many of us are not (and I include myself). We can’t force others to like us or spend time with us, so we are forced to work on ourselves and become better. Nicer. Friendlier. Funnier. More interesting. Better at listening. More empathetic. Etc.
That is a different field from social skills.
And I posit that being nice or working on yourself, being funnier, etc. don’t make people like you any more. That is not something that matters to most people. They’ll dislike you regardless of character, speech, looks or personality.