Got a huge crashdown in the middle of the week and reach to my long-distance situationship for support. She was super cool and I came out to her. She was very accepting but she hasn’t seen physical changes sooo I dunno. We’ll see. But I met a trans friend and had a drink together. She’s pretty much a guide right now. She’s the only trans person I know and she has been for most of her life. So developing a friendship with her means something to me (she’s also very cool and nice obviously).

Strangely it did worsen my impostor syndrom for most of the evening. I felt like the eye of Sauron was judging whether I was legitimatly trans, which we can all agree is ridiculous. She even explicitly told me that imposter syndrom is very dangerous, and to be avoided as much as possible. I’m just vulnerable lately. But that was until she told me she clearly saw signs I was trans before I told her and she gave me one of the greatest gift I’ve ever received in my life : A bible on transidentity that’s not printed anymore (“Gender Stories” by Lexie, “Histoires de genre” in original language), wrapped with a film ribbon of a spaceship launching and with a hard label written “Aurore” on it (Dawn in French, my new name !). It was even sealed with a pentagram like a gift from witch to witch hehehe. The film and seal shall be my bookmark, and the label forever in my cardholder.

On the negative side, I missed my train back from the weekend and a queer friend of mine is seemingly not measuring how important this is all to me, despite what she told me… I intended to lean on her for my transition since she did gender studies and all, but I’m slowly assuming these are just a scam. The only other person I knew that did gender studies was just mean and performative :/

My plan for next week : buy clothes, more makeup and stonk my blahaj +++++