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Honestly, life would be improved if people brought everything on fancy wooden planks. I would replace FedEx and UPS in a heartbeat if my stuff arrived like that instead of being spiked onto the ground like a volleyball.
Who says no to the random meat? The surface is largely inconsequential, unless it’s shit or uranium or somesuch.
vegetarians, probably
I’d eat vegetarians even though they’d probably be tough and bitter.
grass-fed long pig
Yup, personally I prefer my wooden boards loaded with beans.
Legumes in general rock. You just need to season them
A stranger once offered my wife a bag of raw kangaroo meat as a thank you for helping them. We have no idea where they got kangaroo meat, as we live in Canada.
She accepted it, but by the time she got home it looked highly suspicious and we didn’t eat it :(
use uranium to serve charcuterie, meat heats up, no one wants hot fuet and melted cheese :(
and they all died of radiation poisoning, the end
Cold cuts are a no from me - too unhealthy.
They’re high in protein, iron, zinc, and b12. Good in moderation, like most things.
Not according to latest studies, there is no safe level of processed meat consumption.
Cold cuts are often processed, rather than delivered raw.
Secondary News Article: https://www.sciencealert.com/massive-review-finds-no-safe-level-of-processed-meat-consumption
Original Study: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-025-03775-8
consuming processed meat (at 0.6–57 g d−1) was associated with at least an 11% average increase in type 2 diabetes risk and a 7% (at 0.78–55 g d−1) increase in colorectal cancer risk.
So eating a gram of processed meat per day would significantly increase chances of type 2 diabetes, and colorectal cancer.
1 gram ≃ 0.03 ounces (British imperial units)
Feels like it would be easier to list what doesn’t increase your risk of some horrible illness these days.
Fruit, vegetables, whole grains, exercise, some sunlight, some socialisation, an easy creative hobby.
You’re right, it is easier to list those things.
Isn’t fruit unhealthy except in low quantity?
Define low quantity. Fruit contains sugars, which can be bad if you have too much, but I find it’s hard to eat enough fruit to push my sugar intake above my daily limit. And fruit is generally a good source of important micronutrients like fiber, potassium, B vitamins, etc.
some sunlight
Are you sure that doesn’t increase your cancer risk?
Not if you get grass fed organic unprocessed sunlight
Pretty sure it does.
As someone who is on the Irish scale of paleness I can assure you sunlight is not healthy for me.
Fruit contains fructose.
Edit: Forgot veggies. Not tgat it matters much, cause they are also somewhat impervious to accusation. Best I can say is that lot of them contain sugars, but that’s weak on it’s own. And lead, but that’s mostly roadside ones xD
Sunlight literally birns your skin, even in small amounts.
Dunno about whole grains.
Exercise is literally damaging your body to rebuild it - done even slightly wrong can lead to long lasting problems.
Socialisation can easily turn into shunning, shaming and other mentally devastating actions over which you have no control whatsoever.
Easy creative hobbies…are a money drain. But that’s not unhealthy so your point xD
Random? I’m not seeing a 15 kg slab of raw horsemeat, no charred emu leg hanging off the side, no half digested contents of crocodile stomach, no unidentifiable roadkill from somewhere in Georgia (the country, not the state, but the state will do, too), no puréed human back meat, not even so much as a speck of walrus, ostrich, cassowary, kangaroo, or beluga; guess otters, marmot, geese, dog and cat (I don’t like it either, but they did say “random” ffs) don’t count as having meat…
The fuck do you mean, random? That shit’s about as well ordered as the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary, ffs.
Random might not be the right word, can we settle on “anonymous”?
It sounds a bit sinister, sure, but underscores the whole don’t-ask-don’t-tell nature of the contents of charcuterie nicely.
I was in a punk band called Anonymous Meat. Most of our songs were about masked orgies and charcuterie taste testing.
Given that language is prescriptive, “random” has, at least in regards to colloquial usage, rather lost its dictionary definition of “made, done, happening, or chosen without method or conscious decision”. Hell, I use it colloquially, as well. There’s nothing wrong with this usage.
I’m just trying to provide a bit of a humorous comparison between the usages by somewhat demonstrating what the charcuterie might look like if the dictionary definition was to be used, instead.
How about “arbitrarily chosen”?
Assorted meat? Meat arrangement? Selected meats? Meat clusterfuck? So many choices.
You had me until you said that Georgia the state is acceptable. Totally shattered my suspension of disbelief.
Pretty sure the state has its fair share of roadkill, just the country
Thinly sliced roadside sun dried leg of pitbull?
The dog, or Mr. Worldwide?
True, but the state is still in an unacceptable state 😉
Oh, for sure! Without a doubt.
It’s a slate.
Yeah, way better than some boring old board!
Looks like one of them shark coochie boards
More accurately it is a Melamine platter. We use this exact type and design in our catering op.
Soon as I saw those ripples I knew platter!
This also bothered me.
I’ve recently come to realize if you eat everything in a sandwich individually on a board it’s 10x fancier.
100x if you add 3-4 grapes around the edges.
Grapes? Or assorted gourmet jellies? Possibly including grape?
Here they’ve opted for olives, which seems surprising to me. Maybe they pair better with meat than grapes, dunno. Would eat
Cheeeeeeese!!!
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yes to both
