Earlier this week I went to see my therapist like I usually do and today I told her that I’d like to start HRT sooner rather than later, I know that people sometimes wait months if not years before starting but I’m not okay with waiting that long. Unfortunately she said that she wasn’t sure it would be a good idea and that I should wait longer to be sure. I told her I wasn’t waiting and that if she didn’t write the note for me I’m going the DIY route, and she told me that that would be a very bad idea since she believes I would regret it due to my unwillingness to “fully girlmode” (which just means she thinks me wearing makeup and having long hair alone isn’t enough) and the fact that I enjoy many manly things like bodybuilding. I for some reason mentioned that I could stop after I got the permanent changes I wanted and she responded that if I’m already considering detransitioning it’s not a good idea. What the fuck? How the fuck is stopping HRT later detransitioning? That made me so pissed off that I told her to fuck off and I just left early.
I took the advice of someone and decided to go to planned parenthood and just like that I have officially begun my journey. Kinda wish I’d done this sooner, I could’ve been 3 months along by now if I hadn’t tried to go through my therapist like a dumbass. Shame though, I did like her, she seemed nice for a long time but I don’t think I can continue to see her anymore if she thinks after all I’ve told her that I’m in any way at risk of “de-transitioning”.
Moral of the story kids, do DIY. It’s better to ask for forgiveness than wait for permission. Also be really careful how you choose your therapists, they might seem to understand you but they can screw you over in the last second.
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Some things I wish your therapist knew:
- being masculine and enjoying hobbies that are male coded don’t invalidate your gender, e.g. there are women body-builders, there are also legitimate trans women who have male-coded hobbies - there are also tomboy trans women and so on
- HRT can be diagnostic - you can stop after taking it for a couple months without any long term changes and that time on HRT can be useful to help evaluate whether long-term HRT is for you or not
- some trans people don’t ever take HRT but socially transition and live full-time presenting as their gender; some people take HRT and don’t socially transition - transition and HRT are related but not the same
It sounds like your therapist might have outdated information about trans people and transitioning, for example expecting strong commitment and fully girlmoding before starting HRT sounds like old Benjamin rules to me. WPATH guidelines have changed significantly and no longer require “full-time real-life experience” before starting hormones.
All that said, your body like many bodies, probably will need sex hormones or you might experience some symptoms. Starting HRT and then just stopping is probably not a realistic way to approach this, but I do know some enbies who maintain low doses of estrogen to achieve their goals. Still, if you go that route you will want to watch out for signs of menopause and avoid hormone levels that are too low. Your experiences and desires might also shift once you start HRT, they certainly did for me.
This is a minor point, but going to Planned Parenthood and getting HRT is called “informed consent”, not DIY. DIY is when you buy your hormones from a grey market without a prescription (or homebrew it yourself), which doctors see as more risky. At least your hormones through Planned Parenthood are sourced from a regulated pharmacy, for example.
Either way, congrats!!
On your first point, I’ve been treated like I’m engaging in male-coded hobbies because I’m still very into cars and motorbikes, and I honestly just find it horribly sexist? As if cis women aren’t allowed to have these hobbies. But if you wear skirts, grow your hair long and put makeup on, you’ll be told you’re the one being sexist because womanhood is more than that. I think it all just really proves how ridiculous cis people’s perceptions about gender are, OP’s therapist definitely included.
