Imagine turning on a black light inside the Vomit/Semen Comet.

This is why I follow every single text or email with a, “Hey, did you just see my message?” phone call.

I’m ranked platinum in Rocket League, which is pretty damn impressive if you know nothing about Rocket League rankings.

That would require a functional system of government.

OCCULT CARS? Maybe a Tesla shirt?

You’re not how orbital mechanics work.

Land in ocean, suddenly Tom Hanks is involved.

See? They still landed amongst the stars.

Damn. That’s worth savoring.

That was the day OP learned to slice bread like a machine.

The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam in Southend-on-Sea.

Love the sinner, not the sin.

Oh, I’ve touched a horse.

Nicolas Cage’s The Wicker Man is the only John Wick spinoff worth your time.

I wish women’s screams still riled me. It’d sure make mornings a lot easier.

I hate that I missed out on Conan’s talk show years, because I was going to kill on there with my humorous vignettes.

WE’RE NOT GOING BACK!!!

Get out and vote, people! Let’s not wake up a few months from now and find we’ve re-elected Donald Trump.

As in “FWD: FW: Fwd: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw:?”

Or…?

This person makes really beautiful digital art that features a lot of power lines. I think it’s really cool. Example:

Yeah, I’ve seen it in the south and in Utah, both very religious, very odd areas.

You don’t care so much about Jesus’ blood covering up your sins unless you’ve got some shit to cover up.