For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.
I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.
We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?
We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?
Yes that’s why there is a problem with the reaction wanting to return the gift. Maybe we didn’t understand the same thing.
The giver was hurt because the reciever expressed that they didn’t want the gift so they should return it because it won’t get used. “Sorry, I’m happy with the one I have and don’t want to replace it.” There is no indication that how you phrased this isn’t exactly what op did. Unlikely, but we don’t know any more than after expressing they don’t want a new version that they suggested it be returned. To me that says I’m sorry but this was a waste and I don’t want your effort to be wasted.
If this was an acquaintance and not their partner I could see it differently, maybe. I’m trying not to make assumptions about anything here and using the post on its own merit. So as far as I’m concerned OP didn’t do anything wrong and is confused by the hurt reaction. Coming here to try and get an outside perspective is an attempt to get a less biased perspective on the situation which is evidence that OP actually cares a great deal about why this is a problem and is literally asking us to help understand.
A lot of the comments have made wild assumptions about OP “scolding” their spouse when that’s not information we know and it is being assumed.