For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.
I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.
We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?
We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?
They bought you thing they were sure you would like and tought they were thoughtful. Maybe they expected other kind of reaction and depending how you declined it, it very well may feel like you threw their nice thing against their face.
To most people, especially the spouces it may not be about the present, but the idea behind it. Like i dont generally think my wife knits very good socks. If i would go shopping socks my self i would never pay anything for that quality product. But i know my wife thinks i need to keep my feets warm and she is thinking me when she makes them. Saying her socks are bad would not be review of the product, but attack against her.
I would say just swallow your pride and use the newer nicer thing and thank them for thinking about you, but say in the future you want to get similiar things yourself.
They were not thoughtful if they tried to replace something that has enough value to the person that they actually love it more than a new version of the same thing.
They wanted to replace something that clearly didn’t need replacing but thought it would “look” better ignoring completely a well established pattern and preference for not having new things just because they are new.
The reaction to asking it to be returned and being hurt by it is manipulative and the entire thing is completely condescending
I disagree.
From what op wrote i dont get any malice from the spouces gift. I belive they sincerelly tried to do nice thing.
Would you not be hurt if you really tought you did a nice thing to your loved one and were scolded for it? I completelly understand how it might have upsetted the spouce.
Thats why i would accept the gift and very carefully tell the other side they should not do it again.
The only information started was (I wanted to return it)
Why are you claiming the partner was being scolded? We don’t know that happened
The last weekend almost the entire post expressing how confusing the gift was because of how obvious it is to them that the spouse had enough information to know they wouldn’t appreciate the gift.
I’ll accept that there is a lot we dont know so I’m only responding to what was presented in the post and attempting to accept it as is.
Please, I’ll actually listen, where did you get any impression of how the partner was scolded by op.
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