Hi, so me (29NB) and my partner (23F) of almost 3 years have realized that our goals and long term plans are incompatible and that we can’t stay together (not what I am here for, so no need to get into it) the thing is that we love eachother and get along great, and even after realizing that we are breaking up, we both still want to be friends. My question is, how? How to turn a relationship with plenty of sex and love into a platonic friendship without ending up emotionally stuck on each-other or having “slip-ups”?

At first I though that maybe starting with like 3 months of no contact can help make a clean slate to return to and start a new friendship on, but after discussion it I think that we still need eachothers’ support as friends and it would be quite hard for us to just cut contact.

I had another idea of slowely banning romantic elements until the relationship goes platonic, maybe something like every week ban a new element, first can be saying “I love you” or terms of endearment, second could be sleeping over (we don’t live together), third could be sex, etc, until we are essentially friends. But is this a terrible idea that will just leave us hung up on eachother?

Anyone with experience on how to turn mutual romantic love into a platonic love/friendship?

  • Septimaeus@infosec.pubEnglish
    6·
    9 hours ago

    IME it works differently for different people.

    Some folks float apart with grace, an amicable break and a parallel drift to a friend pace.

    Some need to basically say goodbye, a hard break, then rediscover each other later.

    Just know that at least half of that process is not something you can control. You can be supportive and kind. You can let them know you’re still in their corner if they ever need you in plenty of ways.

    But sometimes what they need most from you is to no longer need you, and sometimes they need to make space for someone else for that new relationship to have a chance.

    If you still want to attempt platonic right away: boundaries. My advice is to keep things light, especially if you have regular contact.

    If you want a hard break, maybe put an event on the calendar to meet up, like tickets to see your favorite band next season.

    For something in between, maybe occasionally send her stuff you come across that you know she’d laugh at, or replay the inside jokes, stories, adventures, mishaps, etc.

    Regardless, maintain the boundaries you agreed on at the start, especially re: her love life. You are happy if she is happy. That it. If you can’t feel that deep down, for real, go for the hard break.