See title. How do I even cope with never being able to get pregnant? I mourn the fact that I never even once had the opportunity to get pregnant, to feel life in me developing, and all that. Of all things, this gives me the greatest dysphoria. I want to have wider hips and larger boobs, and even though I’m 28 (so hip widening likely won’t happen… maybe surgery?) and I’m 7 months on HRT, I feel like it’s not satisfactory yet. It has made me so much happier and I feel much more liberated having HRT, but even before I knew trans was a thing, even early on, I still had the desire to eventually be able to get pregnant.

I don’t care that it’s a lot of morning sickness, feeling miserable and extremely tired, heavy, and all that - I experienced long illness before. But having someone at the end of it, feeling the baby kick… I heavily miss that I cannot experience that. I’m happy for those who can, but I wish I could, and I want to actively fight for it. Even if I die or suffer horribly, then at least I will have contributed to further understanding so that people may one time experience it.

To that child whom I will likely not have the luck of carrying – may life find you when it calls you. I love you with all my heart and I wish I were able to see you. If I ever do succeed in that, then I swear solemnly to thank the world for its bounty and gifts; and regardless I will support all who struggle through life.

  • birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
    11·
    2 days ago

    Oh, I’m aware that plenty of cis women can’t either, and it doesn’t make them any less of a woman. I know a few of them myself from close - and we’ve got good bands. But that lack of being able to do what you feel like your right body should be able to - that is a dysphoria we share.

    I know that (active) motherhood is something for at least 18 years, not for just nine months. And even knowing how rough parenthood would be especially in the first while, I would prefer that.

    I don’t mind the physical toll, and in fact would like it. Even just knowing that it’s developing in me, would gladden me.

    I have relative peace with myself, but I just needed to vent this out. If Lili Elbe could get a uterine transplant, so too I think someone should be the first (and be able to make it). And I won’t let that gatekeeping stand in the way of liberation for us all!