Also, fixed and growth mindset.
Fixed mindset believes that you are born with the talents you have, if you aren’t good at something, why try, and base whole ego systems around talents. Therefore crashing entire ego systems upon any failures.
Growth mindset understands that failures are able to be utilized as amazing teaching tools, and practice is always a pathway to levelling up.
Heaps more to them than just that, though.
I also want to point fingers to the meat grinder that capitalism is, against neurodivergent grains, and that being gifted, in and of itself, is a neurodivergence.
Flashbacks to me in college thinking “Oh, I actually have to study? WTF is this nonsense?”
I genuinely only had a couple classes in college that required studying.
They were a horrific struggle and brought my gpa way down.
Needless to say the real world is a lot more like those few classes than the bulk of them…
Yeah they just kinda fucked us up. Not only does it make kids less likely to develop resilience to challenges when you single them out and praise them for being ‘smart,’ it ties their self worth to being ‘smart’ and doing things easily. Kids who are praised for their hard work and effort, on the other hand, tend to do better long term because they internalize what is valuable about them isn’t immediately understanding things or having it come easily, but the persistence to do it even when it’s not easy.
100%. Thanks for putting this into words.
Yeah… I wasn’t even that smart. I just have really good reading comprehension and recall stuff I’ve read. Since like everything in school was memorization based it was pretty easy for me to do well enough to get by without trying too hard. If I actually had to apply knowledge though I was average at best. I figure most shit out just by being stubborn and ramming my head into the wall until I break through. Which doesn’t help when it’s something I don’t actually want to do. The transition into college was rough.
I mean, the reason you have no work ethic now is because… you don’t put the work in. Literally all work ethic is is deciding to put the work in over and over again until it becomes a habit. Having a work ethic is not an immutible trait that you developed in childhood - it is a habit you can develop, whivh will also always be dependent on your circumstances at any given moment and the actions of those around you.
Want a better work ethic? Improve your sleep, pick meaningful goals, and surround yourself with other people who are aggressively working towards similar goals. Then just keep showing up.
I get that, but guess what, me can’t.
I do something, then i need a break, and apparently having negative work ethic is possible, because during my break I need a break.
And when I am knee-deep in breaks, then suddenly the day is way over.
Three things.
First, you likely need a break because you are using some kind of willpower to keep going. The easiest way to not need willpower of your own is to rely on someone else’s. You learn to work hard by having someone else working hard next to you. I’m currently working on landscaping my back yard. Each day, all I can bring myself to do is fill up one wheelbarrow full of dirt and then distribute it, because I am doing it all alone. But for the past 4 days, I have been working 8/9/10 hour days of constant physical labor, because I am doing it with a group of people. I don’t really care about the project, but I’m getting paid. But the reason I can keep going when I’m fatigued and my body aches is because I see the people around me working, and want to help them. After all, if I don’t work, it is more work for them. I want to help my coworkers and do my fair share. I want to avoid being shamed for being lazy, and I want the social praise of working as hard or harder than anyone else. If you really want the secret to being your best self, fhe answer is: love other people enough to help them.
Next, saying you need a break from your break is a feeling I’m familiar with. You know why I need a break from my break? Because I am on my phone. Being on your phone, or staring at a screen, is not relaxing or restorative. If you “take a break” by scrolling lemmy or watching netflix, you aren’t really taking a very restful break - at least mentally. Why? Because the way these things keep you interested is by being exciting, and the way to make things exciting is to introduce fear and conflict. These emotions will ramp up ypur stress level and make you feel more tired. If you are taking a break, actually take a break. Sit down and close your eyes for a bit. Lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. Meet a friend and spend and hour laying in the grass at the park talking about nothing in particular. Be bored. The one thing I know that consistently motivates me to do something is being bored. So if you need a break, throw your fucking phone across the room (case recommended) and be bored for a while.
Finally, if you are well and truly tired, I re-recommend sleep. If you don’t sleep well… do it. Figure it out. There are tons of strategies, systems, science, and snake oil. Fucking try shit. The things that work for me:
- Establish a consistent but realistic bed time. I do midnight.
- Outside extreme circumstances, no naps.
- Ensure your sleeping area is as dark as possible.
- Remove your phone/screens from your sleeping area. Dont do things other than sleep and fuck in bed.
- Use blue light blocking glasses before bed. They are cheap.
- If at all possible, wake up naturally instead of using an alarm clock. If you must use a clock, get a sunrise alarm that uses light instead of sound. They are annoyingly expensive.
- Aim for 9 hours of sleep each night. Experts say 8) But you’re gonna fuck up.
- If you can’t stop worrying or thinking, start journalling before bed. You can write down things you are worried about, plans for the next day, etc. Find something that works for you to get the clutter out of your brain.
- If you can’t fall asleep but your brain isn’t spinning, doing a body scan/yoga nidra, or meditating can help. I also notice that I feel more rested for the same amount of time in bed when I do these things before sleeping.
What is it today and throwing my phone across the room? I’ve read that just now in another post. Its gona break, so i aint doing it.
Yes it is metaphorical. But a metaphor that makes people defensive isnt that great?
Thanks for the long message knstructing me on getting my life together. Perhaps I will even act on it, at some point.
Semi-common experience. What’s everybody who’s gone through it doing about it today?
I try to remind myself “criticisms” are usually just observations. They rarely need a response, even the ones coming from yourself
I just accepted a long time ago that being “smart” didn’t mean I was actually good at anything other than calculus - which it really worth approximately jack.
And then I looked at where I was in life, and where I wanted to be, and saw that if I wanted to traverse from A to B, I would have to work really, really hard. So I did that.
That’s just high iq adhd.
Yuuuuup
