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5h 1m 1h 52m

Episode 3: The Snipping of Shears

At a broad table, here in the banquet hall of the Villa Aurora (the Halovar estate), Teor, you are seated on a exquisite, velvet-lined and cushioned seat as a small, white velvet sack of coins lands with a thunk in front of you. The woman speaking to you says,
“And, of course, for any accoutrement needed for your service as a guardian errant of the Lord Wicander Halovar. The Mercanaud Couturier will be happy to fit you and your gear to our station. We attempt to make clear that violence is always a regrettable, tragic, and final resort; that the weaponry, armor, and tabardry of our various vassals and men-at-arms bear the symbol of the Candescent Creed, but we would shudder to think of you going out of your own pocket for that.”
Teor:“Oh, that is most understood. I think, if I might suggest an alternative, perhaps for an extra level of security, perhaps I could stay as I am, plainclothes, to not draw attention to anything that needs to be done on behalf of the Candescent Creed. A more covert security force.”
“A splendid suggestion. It is such an exciting proposition to imagine, that by wearing the symbol of the Candescent Creed, you may attempt to be covert in proudly wearing the symbol of the order.”
Close behind you, you hear dogs barking as the door flies open and on these sets of silvery-white chains, this massive knight walks in, heavily-armored, gray-bearded, human knight. He’s got gleaming, luminous tattoos all around his neck that curl up around over his eyes. He walks in and goes,
“Ah, you’re the former Bannersman, yes?”
Teor:“That would be me, Teor.”
“Well, Teor, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I am Sir Filoneus Halovar. These are my dogs Wrath and Judgement. I can’t tell which one is which, but then again when it comes to wrath and judgment, who can?!”
Teor:“Indeed. Both beautiful companions.”
You see one dog snarls and it has a dull glow from the back of its throat. You hear a sort of faint humming from its vocal chords, almost like it can’t stop whining. This whining is sort of beautiful, ethereal, almost angelic.
Teor:“Such a beautiful noise they make. I have never heard the like.”
Fil:“Oh, yes. They can’t stop singing, these dogs. The song confuses spellcasters. They’re good dogs. Glad to have you aboard! Well you’re best on your way to the couturier. We expect you back first thing tomorrow.”

  • Ultragramps@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPM
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    ♪Episode Song References♪

    ᕕ( ᐛ)ᕗ


    Highlights

    • 00:06:52 Travis:“Not a competition.”
      Marketplace near the Davinos estate. Teor notices an official posting banning the use of magic within the area before the two meet each others gaze and converse.
    • 00:10:23 Matt rolls a nine (Nein!)
    • 00:12:13 …the Mercanaud are a family that have worked for the Halovars for a long time, that have a lot of “fronts”, but their main purpose for the Halovars is ‘Making Problems Go Away’. And we will discover what happens in that couturier in this episode of Critical Role.
    • 00:20:30 We return, deep underground in front of the opening of the Prismatic Retort, whereupon a towering celestial with gnashing teeth strains and fights against massive chains, each link more than an arm’s width around. Enormous muscles ripple across this monstrous body. Multiple skeletal fingers (more like a bat’s wings than a bird’s) stretch out and grind and crack against more chains and enclosures. You see the face ravaged by pain and misery as gleaming saliva (or perhaps blood) spills down from his mouth. Your grandmother Yanessa turns and says, “It’s something that’s almost too hard to be believed. Wicky, my little ducky, I love you and I understand that this is unusual.”
    • 00:22:34 Wicander’s older sister, Lady Zebani Halovar, arrives with the demon Cruelty
    • 00:24:58 Halovar Lore Yanessa:"We were the Family of Flames. We were the right hand of the Obridimian Royal House…Your grandfather, Aetheon, was the Servant of the Sun…we thought that the light was from Tansul, *
    • 00:26:47 Fan Art Moment The blindfolded Goddard Halovar releasing his bound wings.
    • 00:31:28 Wicander has an arranged marriage with someone named Ebecca D’Antonio.
    • 00:34:26 Yanessa lays out her motives for Thjazi Fang’s execution, and also explains how The Creed is a tool, much like a smith’s hammer.
    • 00:36:14 Wicander has a lost love (a commoner viewed unworthy by family); “the one who got away”.
      Yanessa:“Your life will be mostly the same going forward. We just needed you to know enough to stop believing.”
    • 00:39:17 Fun fact: Sam’s previous character, Braius Doomseed is an anagram for Disabused Romeo.
    • 00:40:51 The offscreen cackles are indicative of the massive release of tension. Whitney is clearly having fun watching Tyranny and Wicander get further entangled in the Machiavellian plans of granny Yanessa. After being put through the ringer, Whitney and Sam close their binders, expecting to be finished, and Brennan continues to the bathtub.
    • 00:42:11 Wicander expresses disaproval of Tyranny’s POO.
      Tyranny:“I was given a body six months ago with the explicit purpose of making you look good, okay? I am hired by your family. I am not going to be saved. I’m a demon, man. You can’t save a demon…Your family has been in bed with my family for a very long time. My maker, Ksha’aravi (the HIgh Prince of Demonkind and the Shadow of Suffering) brought me to you to spread the word of the Candescent Creed.”
      In exchange, he gets filament and souls. Wicander’s naïveté was so pure that Tyranny chose to be a genuine assistant.

    “My contract is with you, it’s not with your family…”

    • 00:45:47 Tyranny suggests a potential alliance with Teor and they make immediate plans to find him.
    • 00:48:27 Wicander:“Of course I’m not going to send you back!..You’ve been my only friend.”
    • 00:51:39 “Help, it’s again.” callback to C2 Caduceus getting stuck twice on a new island.
    • 00:53:30 Murray:“Oh, well, fuck you.” Lord Primus Tachonis:“Coarse language like that will not be tolerated. I’ll speak to Dean Kora about disciplinary measures.”
    • 00:57:06 Murray repels a powerful curse. Dean Tallbarrel avoids a mage battle.
    • 01:01:01 Fuck Me/Fuck You Dice
    • 01:01:33 Murray overhears that House Tachonis is staying at Obrimus Manor in the Tanners and vows to take her school back from these rich bastards.
    • 01:03:29 First Battle Map!
    • 01:09:50 Thundering Thimble
    • 01:10:22 Thimble:“I’m gonna go into his pants.”
      …on a 14, it’s BAD in here…the wash of embarrassment and sort of apology of the thief whose pants you are in, as he’s like, “Ah, I’m sorry.”
    • 01:12:43 A perceptive thief spots Occtis’ disguise.
    • 01:14:27 Robbie:“Oh, we are cooked, fam…we’re the worst!”
      Alex:“I’m a child!”
      Laura:“You’re not a child, you’re like 20!”
    • 01:16:56 So the first rogue reaches into his ruined pants, grabs Thimble and shoves you in a bag and pulls the drawstring closed…and then ten other rogues go…
    • 01:20:25 Vaelus comes in like a wrecking ball.
    • 01:23:17 Fan Art Moment Vaelus using the censor like a rope dart, one-shot KOs the guy with the bag and no pants.
      Laura:“And his dick’s out cuz he took his pants off! Haha!”
    • 01:31:17 Thimble:“You ARE an adult!”
    • 01:32:20 Green Fire Bolt
    • 01:32:50 Vaelus:“You’re a bit young to be in this fight.”
      Occtis:“I’m an adult!”
    • 01:38:48 HDYWTDT for Vaelus on Guildmaster Solomon

    “Run.”

    • 01:40:51 Thimble:“I’m looking for Casimir.”
      Casimir has just paid off his massive debt on The Gibbet List (marked for death) as of yesterday. Thimble remembers an attacker resembling him. He had a title for a stronghouse in Gormalay that was stolen by Teor’s brother Talcydimir.
    • 01:46:13 Alex’s neck crack
    • 01:47:34 The stronghouse in Gormalay is in an area called Timmony that Kattigan has just returned from.
    • 01:49:45 Fan Art Moment Pin rescues Wulfric!
    • 01:50:43 Thimble:“I’m really fucking strong.”
    • 01:52:00 Vaelus acquires a copy of the Gibbet List

    INTERMISSION

    At the very bottom of the cascading falls of Dol-Makjar where the river Vrosh lets out into Lake Nadami, as the city and its tall, spiraling towers begins to fade into the nearby woods, and the highway taking off to neighboring towns (deeper into the land of Kahad), we see here at the base (the tall spires of Dol-Makjar, this city that was the shield of Kahad during the long centuries that stood as the shield to the orcish homeland against the mountain dwarves to their east, to the humans to their north, at a time ruled by the Shapers). Now it beholds a metropolis (a place where all peoples united in revolution and rebellion against the gods can sing and trade, dance and perform magic). And when we speak of perform, a place of performance, at the very base of that city (surrounded by the woods at the very edge) we see an ancient place with a brand new wooden sign leaning against a massive stone entranceway, and we see some boots approaching that sign. Liam, what does it say on that sign that now waits with so much potential there by the wall?

    • 02:07:12 Brennan:“…I’m teeping a tally…”
    • 02:09:06 The Hallowed Round. The new name for Hal’s theater, an enormous and ancient dithyramb/amphitheater that had been dedicated to the orcish deity and banned from use after the Shapers War until very recently.
    • 02:11:37 Hal:“…get all our ducks magpies in a row…”
      “Once we came here to celebrate a god, now we come to celebrate each other.”
    • 02:14:07 “Shit or go blind” Some sources suggest that this phrase may have originated in the military, where soldiers were often forced to make quick decisions under pressure.
    • 02:14:25 Hal:“I’ve gone over it with Olgud, I think we’re in the black.” Ledger terminology where the color red indicates debt and the color black indicates profit in the win-lose margins of capitalism. The Black Friday shopping term comes from this.
    • 02:14:58 Shadia has been hard at work turning a place of bad memories into a concession stand with squash bread and fruit leather! She’s also made a retractable awning for rain
    • 02:16:48 …he’s got one of the ugliest crocheted hats you’ve ever seen. He looks like an old quilt monster that rolled out of bed. Uli the Orc
    • 02:17:12 “…it’s gonna rain.” High humidity can worsen symptoms of rheumatism, as it may lead to increased joint swelling and pain. Many individuals with rheumatic conditions report feeling more discomfort on humid days.
    • 02:21:18 The Tyrant God of the orcs had them know they were the only ones worshiping without a reward.
    • 02:22:57 Shadia:“The bins are for umbrellas.”
      Sam:“Episode title.”
    • 02:25:00 Mother and daughter reunite and catch up in a picturesque scene on the shore of a lake fed by a waterfall.
      Thaisha:“…you and your father are protecting this world by protecting and creating the stories and songs of it.”
    • 02:29:18 Shadia:“I’ll keep dancing and keep juggling.”
    • 02:29:57 Liam begins coughing in the middle of Aabria’s tender moment with her daughter.
      Aabria:(joking)“Goddamn it!”
    • 02:30:40 Bird Stuff **…the flight of some nearby magpies. This forest is telling you something."
    • 02:32:43 Bolaire’s museum archivist assistants Spiro and Rosadella
    • 02:33:22 It seems plausible to Thaisha that Bolaire has arrived with six crates of intoxicants. It’s revealed to be an enchanted paint gifted posthumously from Thjazi to Hal for his theater.
      It’s either magic you’ve never seen before, or this was sitting at the back of a workshop at the Penteveral for too long and got weird.

    (continued)

    • Ultragramps@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPM
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      • 02:36:34 Bolaire protests Olgud’s fruit leather.
        Bolaire:“That was supposed to be a gift shop, not a concession stand.”
        Olgud:“Gift shop museum ass.”
        Hal:“Shadia, we’re moving, come on. Don’t eat the paint.”
      • 02:41:31 Liam mimes a “facehugger hatchling” alien jumping from an amphora
      • 02:43:42 The prize for a nat 1 roll.
      • 02:46:07 High quality box wine
      • 02:46:52 Marisha’s idea for an episode title:“That’s not Great”
      • 02:47:42 Murray and Azune finally meet
      • 02:50:14 The illusion of intimacy provides privacy
      • 02:50:35 Cat Lady Crazy
      • 02:53:35 Murray’s Frog Boiling story
      • 02:55:08 Travis:“I cast xanax.”
      • 02:55:55
      • 02:57:20 The guard is into it. “It’s interesting when you can’t touch.”
      • 02:58:20 Scary music starts at the Couturier with Teor
        BLeeM:“This is what they’re playing at Abercrombie & Fitch.”
      • 03:01:24 Lore Drop Moment Teor recalls the smell from a summoning star ritual from battle long ago in the incense burning at the shop called Sapphire Orchid
      • 03:04:37 Taliesin makes an Exorcist reference by requesting a young DM and and old DM to cleanse the table of the curse affecting the low rolls.
        Travis:“Your mother is in here with us.”
      • 03:05:44 Aabria:“You’re about to get Aslan-ed?!”
        The Lion looks like he’s “about to get Silence of the Lamb-ed”
      • 03:07:32 Wicander:“Go in ahead and announce me, please.”
      • 03:08:00 Imagine such a wonderous world without such obstacles as doors.
      • 03:10:14 Wicander:“Oh, please, ‘Your Radiance’ is fine.”
      • 03:11:52 Liam names the “long vest” design, The Mercier
      • 03:15:11 Wicander is obvlivious to the conversation.
      • 03:17:17 Tyranny temporarily takes Teor’s flail
      • 03:18:35 The Couturier’s shears were cutting Teor’s shadow itself.
        “You would’ve had quite a ride come sunrise.”
        [Travis and Aabria exchange ‘WTF’ looks.]
        Liam:“Did they take the ballgag out?”
      • 03:21:11 Teor’s Poisoned condition is lifted
      • 03:22:28 Suggestion Boxing

      What a hoot.

      • 03:26:39 Thimble recognizes and remembers her dislike of Sir Julien, confronts him and gets caught.
      • 03:33:04 Matt and Brennan exchange roll information confirming a successful Stealth roll
      • 03:33:46 Kattigan plays Slap Ass
      • 03:36:40 The young Tachonis boy who walks away from you is of a family that for generations (even when the God of the Sun still lived) they were a family of shadow (of the journey through night to the next day; gifted with the rites of funerals/cremation/etc). The Halovars were the priestly family of flame. Though that young man is not a sorceror, he has wielded a strange gift to make a little dead creature that regarded you with kindness. Is it possible that dead things can still love us?
      • 03:37:59 Kattigan:“Heh, Nerd!”
      • 03:38:44 Occtis:“All the time.”
      • 03:41:39 Occtis:“Yeah, he[Pin] was supposed to be scary and then I made him and he absolutely was terrible at it…”
      • 03:42:54 Julien:“You are a name that has come up as of late, possibly tied to a dangeroud crux.”
      • 03:46:31 Fan Art Moment Vaelus cradling Pin while walking with Julien and Occtis.
      • 03:47:34 Robbie’s accidental ASMR “Hell yeah” in Whitney’s ear shortly followed by Brennan’s.
      • 03:50:57 Thaisha turns into a massive wolf.
      • 03:53:43 Azune finds out about Vaelus killing two Crow Keepers. It’s likely that reports of “a dangerous elven murderer wearing the garb of the Shapers” will reach what is left of the Revolutionary Council to pursue it.
      • 03:54:54 Too much of the Halfling’s Leaf! It makes you paranoid, Gandalf.
      • 03:55:52 Hal:“…I feel like my brother’s death has set off a lot of dominoes falling and I can’t see the board.”
      • 03:57:54 Teor, Wicander, and Tyranny make it back to Hal’s house.
        [Thimble is pointedly ignoring Wicander]
        Wicander:“Oh! Look at that (pointing at the passing light).”
        Tyranny:“We haven’t met. Hi. You’re so little. Hi, I’m Tyranny.”
      • 04:01:07 Kattigan joins Murray laughing at Wick and a ship sets sail.
      • 04:02:44 Kattigan compliments Thimble?
      • 04:05:34 So, you’ve got two friends downstairs that have day jobs and are okay and everybody else stinks to high heaven.
      • 04:08:38 Lore Drop Moment The Liar’s Blade crafted by the infamous Lloy family.
      • 04:10:20 Thimble:“I didn’t do it. I was just going to chop somebody’s balls off.”
      • 04:12:06 Kattigan:“If you’re going to go up north, you’re going to have to sleep outside.”
      • 04:13:51 Wicander:“In the shadow of the death of another man, I humbly ask for protection, shelter, friendship, loyalty, love and, uh…I don’t know where to go or what to do. I don’t have anyone and I’m very scared and could someone take care of me for a while?”
      • 04:15:35 Murray:“You can’t go, Hal. We got work to do. We gotta stay here.”
      • 04:17:44 The value of an apology.
      • 04:19:49 Stormhold?
      • 04:21:21 If you had a rich kid in your pocket to help pave the way, that is not a ticket you throw out.
      • 04:22:00 More Murriggan flirting
      • 04:24:54 Kattigan’s update on the Wild World of Timmony
      • 04:26:10 The story has taken a life of its own and Brennan can’t narrate, yet.
      • 04:28:02 More Murriggan flirting
      • 04:30:10 Lore Drop Moment Five brought together head north. A brother in danger, a life turned into chaos, and maybe (if you’re lucky) vengeance. We’ll see you five (Teor, Thimble, Wicander, Tyranny, and Kattigan) at the Soldier’s table.
      • 04:30:54 Subtitle Correction Sam Liam:“I’m a real boy!”
      • 04:31:43 Palazzo Davinos. Gorgeous. Lit with fairy light; dancing wisps of magic. As Julien, Vaelus, and Occtis arrives (Vaelus trailing some distance behind with Pincushion in her arms) walking through the gardens, you hear the rushing of the nearby river Vroche. Gardens here are beautiful. Some of these trees are not from this world. Seeds from far Faerie, Tír Cruthú.
      • 04:33:41 Matt employing some DM magic as a player to keep the party together and maintaining narrative flow.
      • 04:38:30 Vaelus senses a wolf moving swiftly, somewhere far away. Her powerful ears detecting that it is not even on the ground. Something wild and magical is moving on the face of the world…That wolf needs to get into this garden.
      • 04:43:50 …this door will be open when that wolf arrives.
      • 04:45:34 …the realm of death is so choked with is so choked with souls that cannot move to an afterlife because we killed the gods. That energy burst into our world and almost struck the heart of Faerie, killing it forever. [Our families] each have a castle not in this world.
      • 04:50:11 Cormorant (Cormoray) wine is an unfined, unfiltered wine made in an Old World style.
      • 04:56:41 *Julien is cursed. As Vaelus reaches out with Divine Sense, something more troubling than that curse is discovered. The garden of House Davinos is filled with hundreds of spectres of the restless dead just on the other side of the Veil.
      • 04:58:10 General Davinos is killed by an assassin from House Tachonis just before saying something kind to Julien for the first time in memory.
      • 04:59:35

      Put him on the table. Open him up, and we’ll put the stone where it belongs.

      • Ultragramps@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPM
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        Cooldown
        • 03:36 Travis:“You ever not trusted a lion?”
          Taliesin:“He’s grrreat!”
        • 04:13 The twins were the tailors and the wigs cover a translucent back part of their skull that has an infernal fire in it.
        • 06:22 Aabria:“No nobles. No cats.”
        • 07:25 Whitney:“I thought that I was going to be the one making his life hard. No.”

          (by leetle-bloo-tiefling)
        • 09:01 “You look warm.”
        • 10:19 Because you have a letter for Murray that says “Bolaire” on it from Thimble.
        • 10:45 Aabria rocked the “momma stuff”
        • 12:40 Boxed hooch
        • 13:36 Azune staying behind, reading the names of the lost from the wars, as his compatriots have to flee from the wave of evil in the city.
        • 15:29 I’m everybody’s friend and I’m clean, and now I have a Liar’s blade on my back.
        • 21:58 Soldiers have an episode off
        • 23:23 Aabria with shade for Aranessa