i do well with spicy salsas. i eat mrs renfro’s ghost pepper salsa for fun. so my wife jokingly suggested i get one of those 5 million btu scoville gummi bears. i don’t think she thought i would say yes. i also don’t think she thought i’d say “let’s do this tonight, in public!”

it was good, but godsdamn. there was something what said chew for five minutes so i set a timer. my saliva turned into liquid pain. if you aren’t used to severe pain, 10/10. if you are used to severe pain, 8/10. it was intense enough, and the fact that it only lasted five minutes, made me understand folk who take too much capsaican as a religious sacrament. hell my experience was almost religious. left me like this for a while though.

i gotta say i’m not used to my eyes swelling shut and struggling not to drool because i’m terrified what the drool might feel like on my skin. and then like magic it was gone. so great. i don’t even remember what the ice cream i soothed myself with tasted like.