My mom is 78 and she has been guilt tripping me to be her care taker. She is currently living with my brother to help raising his kids.

She constantly tells me once they are old enough, she will move in with me so that I can take care of her.

The thing is I don’t know if I am capable. I can’t guarantee the future.

I also don’t want to shoulder the financial burden. She has money but she wants me to pay for her expenses so that she can leave (my brother’s) a generous inheritance. She always tellsd me I won’t get anything since 'i have no kids and I have enough money, and he needs more."

Now we are not talking. It hurts. Why can’t she understand not everyone can be a caretaker? Why is she expecting me to help raising his kids indirectly?

  • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    4 days ago

    I am sorry you are going through this.

    I’d say tell her straight, she is obviously closer to your brother, and you have not the means to take care of her. I sure hope my mom left more money to my sister, who took care of her, that’s fair, but she put her in assisted living when she couldn’t cope and that is important too. What my mom did not do is call up my rich and childless brother and unilaterally tell him she was moving in, and if she had, he would have turned her out faster than you can say “out”.

    If your brother is dealing with her ok, and their relationship good, he can continue to do that and get whatever money is left when she dies. Talk to him.

    • CatDogL0ver@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      1·
      4 days ago

      So far you are the first one who understands our dynamic.

      She is closer to me and relies on me a lot. I just hate to be a liar. I can get her a place to stay or even move to a bigger house and she can be the “downstairs tenent.” I just can’t see myself be the 24/7 care giver.

      Why is life so difficult? Why do people get old? Where do old people go?

      • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        4 days ago

        Tell her straight - she only wants to take from you, but gives to your brother. It’s really nothing to do with what she needs, or has.

        What my sister did was help my mom get a small apartment near her, then the care home. She had a family but a rich husband so didn’t work and had more time.

        I would actually let my husband’s mom or dad move in if we had space. They are ok and have enough money to cover nursing care, it wouldn’t be so bad. Not my mom.

        If you have to cut her off, do it, but I think you can just stand firm and keep telling her no. If she wants help finding a place with more help for old people, do that with your brother. That place is not your place.