Monkeytennis

That’s good, it might contribute to why I feel more mentally balanced when I stick to a green tea and high vegetable diet since that’s apparently a rich source of l-theanine and GABA. It’s hard to separate from the other benefits.

I don’t like our culture of having a magic pill for everything, when there are simpler (less processed, less packaging, much cheaper) things to try first that promote better health overall. But green tea, sweet potatoes and oily fish aren’t sexy marketing propositions that can be marked up x percent.

Ah yes, the placebo section. Like magic, the more it costs, the better it works.

My kids are 3 (girl) and 7 (boy), here are a few low effort things things that would win mine over:

• Let them choose what to watch and properly watch it together, no looking at your phone. Bluey is a great kids show
• Play Uno, Ludo, snakes and ladders, Dobble, snap, etc - you can team up with the 3yo
• Draw pictures together - mine love mazes, monsters, etc. There are loads of good YouTube kids drawing tutorials
• My girl loves anyone who will let her serve a tea party, and my boy loves to tell anyone about Minecraft or Mario games
• Before you go, ask the parents what small token gift you can bring, preferably a treat or a small game you can play together

If you want them to like you, you really just have to get down to their level and show genuine interest, or ask to join in. If that all sounds too much, then maybe it’s not going to happen.

If successful, you might need to gently set some boundaries… But hopefully you form a nice bond with them. You don’t have be an extrovert for kids to like you - I’m a firm introvert, and kids seem to gravitate towards me, like cats.

I used to meet a lot of these people in the office. They’d resign themselves to their situations and blame everyone else.

When I come across it now, I’ll listen and then ask what could make it better. 50% of the time it’s “does not compute” + excuses.

Choose to watch 2hrs Netflix every night or settle for a crappy job or relationship? Go for it, I’m not judging you. Bitch that it’s your only option? Nope.

I used to think that’s all I had the energy to do. Turns out reading a couple chapters, learning a bit of guitar, going on a short walk, journalling… all takes minimal mental and physical energy, but feels 10x better to do. I got stuck in shitty habits and convinced myself that’s all I could do.

Coddling has the negative connotation - to consistently overprotect. Occasional spoiling is an entirely different and good thing.

You missed my point. I’m ignoring nothing, I’m suggesting OP seek out men who will be supportive, because they’re not hard to find.

I’m certain I could find studies as proof, but don’t we all already know this to be true?

Plenty of men can deal with this, and plenty of women can’t. It’s not helpful to see this as a gender thing, you’ll only feel more alienated. You might want to seek out some new social connections?

I’ve been though divorce recently and despite being very amicable, it’s caused me to reset - some things broke, but being more emotionally open has been one of the good things. I’m still pretty reserved but a few things are different:

• I care a lot less about conforming to “ideals” or how anyone judges me. That means I no longer feel the fear and second guess everything I say.
• When appropriate, I ask people - especially other men - how they’re doing and gently push for a genuine answer. No one’s reacted negatively to that, so far.
• With my kids, I simply do the opposite to my father. I tell them I love them, I take an interest in them, and I take their feelings seriously. I don’t coddle them, but I want them to feel secure and confident in talking to me. They’re still young, so we’ll see.
• During work 1:1s, I take a genuine interest in people, most will subtly drop hints that they had a bad weekend or are feeling tired or stressed. I used to gloss over that, now I’ll ask about it and say I’m happy to listen. A surprising number will go on to share, with the bonus that it builds trust.
• If someone asks how I am, I won’t lay it all out for them, but I’ll be honest. Most people empathise and tell you they’ve been through similar. It’s never been awkward, and I’ve found out nearly everyone I know is pretty anxious and is going through difficult stuff.

As an aside, I never watched much porn because I found it so cold and alienating. It’s interesting that you found the opposite. Anyway, I’ll stop there and wish you well!

Tell us what you end up cooking!

I’m frying a burger patty, and then some diced potato which I’ll heavily spice with paprika, chillies, cumin, etc, and fry once the patty is done. Bit random, but I’m tired and want some flavour.

I’ve been cutting my own for years, never considered using a taper guard. Hmm.

I took Mirtazapine for a while last year, just the sleep and appetite helped a lot. I’ve considered asking about something else, since my mood and anxiety isn’t great, but I don’t know.

I agree, ghosting is necessary in many situations. Am a guy, have reluctantly ghosted both men and women (from a casual friend / professional point of view, rather than romantic) not because I think I’ll be yelled at (or worse) but if the vibe is wrong, it’s self protection - I don’t want to engage with them, full stop.

Seems more like Lemmy users are building up a mythology. “I was there in the early days. Remember poop and beans?”

Yeah, for a fair comparison the standard definition of “active user” is just viewing posts. Not sure why Lemmy sets the bar so high. Maybe they don’t care about vanity stats - besides mild curiosity, I couldn’t care less.

Posting or commenting seems more like “contributing users” and posts like this just encourage unhelpful noise.

No, in most situations it’s needlessly germ phobic and wasteful. Using copious sheets of paper or a liner which gets flushed or goes in the bin is objectively a bad thing.

City sewers are often a wreck because people treat toilets like a magic black hole.

I will pay full price, day one