Oooh, I get to share one of my all time favorite artists!

The taste is generally okayish, it’s the texture that gets me. It’s always so granular and just… Eugh. The impossible burger, to be clear, is amazing in both taste and texture.

Now, to be completely fair now that I’m really thinking of it, most of the meat replacements I’ve had were cooked by my brother’s ex fiance, who also ruined tofu for me for years. And my vegan buddy is the one that made me try tofu again and I loved it, and the impossible burger…

You know what. In retracting my comment. It’s absolutely possible that I just didn’t like it because she was an awful cook. I will go about trying them all again

So, I’m one of those “bring it out mooing” people. But I also know damn well what doneness levels are. I genuinely enjoy extra rare steak. All that said, one of the best steaks I’ve ever had was a medium-well sous vide. The best steak I ever had was a rare sous vide. It’s amazing. Hit with the blow torch, that bit of amazing char on the surface, perfectly rare steak that was an evenly cooked all the way through. My God that was good. Sous vide cooking is amazing.

But yes, I do absolutely prefer steaks as rare as I can get them. And I’ll (jokingly, lovingly) poke fun at a friend who orders their steak well done, but I don’t actually give a shit. Like, we’re both here eating an animal that died after being tortured, ripped too young from its mother, and scared, with all the associated environmental baggage that comes with raising livestock… This whole meal will fall apart if we start picking at too many threads. Neither one of us got room to talk, y’know?

Here’s a fun little story about the first time we saw black squirrels.

We had just moved to Norfolk, Virginia. My mom is driving through Norfolk, Virginia. Have you been to Norfolk, Virginia? Norfolk, Virginia is heavily African American. Heavily. We are white.

My mom is driving, downtown Norfolk. It’s very heavy traffic, we’re going slow. It’s one of those areas where you worry about someone randomly starts cleaning your windshield, or if it’s late at night you might you may worry about carjackings. We do not have air-conditioning, and our windows are down.

My mom sees a group of black squirrels for the first time in her life. And she yells out “OH MY GOD THEY’RE BLACK! THEY’RE ALL BLACK”

I swear to you, I have never seen turn so pale so quick. She looks around and sees that lots and lots of people walking around have, indeed, heard her.

Luckily, traffic was moving fast enough there wasn’t too long of an awkward time with the people on the street.

Given the reaction everyone has to black squirrel I’m pretty sure the folks on the street knew why she’d yelled, but we didn’t know that at the time. Lol

My mom told us that “taste buds change every 7 years” but that each individual tastebud was on its own 7 year cycle, so one could change at any time. Try it today, you may hate it. Try it tomorrow, you may love it.

Made us very adventurous eaters as kids, and if we didn’t like something she never forced us to eat it. But we were always willing to try it again later on.

Except for raw oysters. That’s a texture thing. Shudder

I don’t look like bubbles! 😭

A friend I had not seen in about 15 years, upon seeing a picture of me while we were on the phone, without a skipping a beat, no hesitation, blurted out “You like look bubbles from trailer park boys!”

I played it off, got off the phone, and cried. Straight up cried.

Firstly, fuck the assholes who go into the whole right wing punisher bullshit. Just getting that part of this out of the way.

Secondly, wear your fucking seatbelt. It’s literally there to save your fucking life. And the lives of those around you. Just fucking do it.

But finally, there are legitimate uses for (non punisher themed, I guess) seat belt silencers. Because of her disabilities, my mom had to use one of these for most of my life. She was unable to wear the seatbelt. There are also autistic folks with doctors notes exempting them from it because of severe sensory issues. Also, have you never put a bag of groceries on the passenger seat, only to be annoyed to hell and back by the beeping?

It’s not totally unheard of. Firefighters do it. I imagine back in the day when doctors lived at hospitals (does this still happen?) they did it, too. People who do live in caregiving often practice waking up routines in case of emergency.

Basketball shorts are my normal attire. I’ve also been a caregiver for many years for my mom, and I can assure you, in an urgent situation, I can have the shorts on before I stand. I’m a pro at wake up, reach down and grab, and slide my legs into them as I’m standing. It literally takes no more time for me than it would to walk out of my room naked. They sit directly on top of my flip flops that I also slide into as I stand up. Shirts take more time, but that’s less important for me as a guy (still pretty important as a fat guy that hates being shirtless beyond what I can even explain).

That said, not everyone is such a seasoned professional. Robe is probably the better call. I’d wear a robe more often if I could find one that wasn’t so hot, I can only handle them in deepest of winter

After

Exactly!

I mean, more than some other body parts. If a dude is walking down the street I’m gonna notice if he has nice calves. I’m unlikely to notice if he has nice wrists. Lol. But no, it’s not like my main focus or a full blown fetish. I just appreciate some nice calves.

My real fetish is ears. Love me some giant, George Bush style monkey ears. Sadly, all my boyfriends complain about getting swimmers ear afterwards D:

My poor little boy gets his eye gookies cleaned daily, but I would never wipe them back on him! That’s just cruel

As a reminder, the character who gives us that information has a vested interest in breaking the spirit of, and disheartening, Morpheus. He is an unreliable narrator at best, and should probably not be taken at his word.

Would that the internet would buy my feet pics! D: Alas, I have man feet :(

Reporting in!

I love nice calves. They’re sexy as fuck

As a lifelong meat eater, anytime I’ve been in a situation where I abstain from meat for whatever reason, I avoid meat substitutes. They’re just not good. Black bean burger? Fantastic. Beyond burger? Satan’s taint. Stir fried veggies with fried tofu? Delicious. Qorn chicken stir fry? Beelzebub’s unwashed ass.

It’s so much better just to stop trying to imitate meat, and just focus on how frickin delicious veggies and stuff can be. They’re very good, all on their own!

The exception for me is the impossible burger. I legitimately like it better than a regular burger. It’s like if meat could be sourdough. I love it so much. But it truly is an exception.

Bill’s is so accurate it hurts

They did you dirty, my friend. I’m so sorry. I will observe a moment of silence for your loss