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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 2nd, 2023

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  • OP: I sympathise and I can empathise with your situation. My advice would be to stay away and to move on with your life.

    The problem is that whenever you discuss this sort of situation in public or with people who haven’t been there themselves you always feel the burden of proof is on you to show how terrible the parent is- a burden that is never defined nor met. There’s always some new person to say “oh but she’s your mother” which is frankly irrelevant- if your ex became your stalker for example, nobody would say equivalent things. It doesn’t matter that you’re the one standing there and not the parent, people want to put them on the pedestal, not you

    IMO you should:

    • Accept and make peace that you explained yourself at the time on more than one occasion
    • Accept and make peace that parent won’t change- the site you’ve linked explained how narcissists can’t ‘hear’ you
    • Accept and make peace that you can’t continue to or return to dealing with them.
    • Realise that you won’t be able to discuss with or get validation from most people, even those supposedly close to you
    • Realise that this guilt/conflict is simply more narcissistic control/manipulation

    In my own case things that contributed towards finalising my position were:

    • Becoming a parent myself, so less time for other people’s rubbish and more awareness of ‘how should a parent deal with…’
    • That in the final few years we were corresponding mainly by email and so there was a written record to reflect on that clearly demonstrated a repetitive pattern

    Good luck


  • Are you able to provide an example as to how greater complexity makes it easier

    Edit: Thanks for the explanations. I get that multiple languages use gendered nouns to mean something that is clearly not ‘gender’ in the biological sense but key to understanding context. Seems strange as an English speaker where noun gender is vestigial if it even exists at all and even then it doesn’t matter if someone gets it wrong