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I can’t tell you how many times this has saved me at checkout.

The swallows can barely make Capistrano and we’ve got geese on Jupiter.

It’s likely just gas.

I’ve been around those higher hydrogen sulfate passers. If that’s beneficial…I’ll pass.

Dick Johnson?

Your farts are still worthless to others. Just sayin.

I don’t recommend getting it at Walmart.

Do you know if they actually check? My leopard has let himself go a bit and may not be typical.

In the unlikely event you don’t have eleven fingers, you could use an apostrophe.

Strange they don’t wear uniforms.

Corn people figure these things out.

Are you a longitudinal or latitudinal eater?

Nobody wants to go a-leaping a-lone.

Niblets obscured.

This is why a big…hard…drive is important.

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Named after a batch of memorable weed brownies.

The day before yesterday with great confidence.

…and I’ll show you a cigar trick I’ve been working on.