I wake up at 3am to 4am daily as a neighbor makes noise walking their dog. This cannot be helped. Once I am awake, my mind won’t stop going over details about everything from the mundane to the critical. Often, I am able to fall asleep again after three or more hours of wakefulness, but only minutes before I have to wake for the day.
Does anyone have success with quieting the mind without substances so that they can fall back to sleep?
Edit: I want to thank you all for the helpful comments. I’m reading through them now and wioo be internalizing some of the suggestions.
To provide more context for those who asked:
I do have ADHD and OCD and Anxiety.
I sleep with a fan and a white noise track (10hrs of non-repeating noise I d/l’d with newpipe).
My apartment building has a fire escape that the neighbor uses as their front door. This path means using a heavy steel door on a power hinge. (Slam!) The door is against the wall that my headboard is on. They have every right to use whichever door they like, and I don’t know them well enough yet to ask them to change for me. They are trying to be as quiet as they can, other than using the loudest path possible. They seem very nice, and their dog is quiet and well trained.
I’m in the middle of a long period of unemployment and I am beginning to worry about finances, as my savings are about half gone in a year.
Thanks again for all the suggestions! I’ll report back with my results in a few days.
Here is what I do, it is a type of visualization meditation.
I have been watching futurama (original seasons) for 20 something years. I have seen each episode literally hundreds of times. I have them burned pretty well into my brain at this point.
I have ripped just the audio track from the DVDs. When I wake up in the middle of the night (2-4 times per night!), I turn on a random episode as audio only.
The goal here is to try to visualize the episode as you only listen to the audio. This forces you to focus on something rather than stress about life. It really helps me stop thinking about anything else. Because I know the episodes so well, it has become quite easy to stay focused on it (like watching with your eyes closed). And since I’ve seen the episodes so many times there is no fear of missing out, so you don’t try to stay awake to finish an episode. I can typically fall back asleep within 5-10 minutes with this technique.
I personally have these on my phone in a playlist and sleep with a single wired ear bud in one ear. I have a sleep timer set for 25 minutes. If I wake up, all I have to do is tap the button on my wired Apple headphones and it’ll continue playing for 25 more minutes. No need to open my eyes or take off my sleep mask.
6133 hours of futurama. That’s like 50 minutes or ~2 episodes every day for 20 years. And that’s just for 100 times for each episode. Nice.
He plays it at 10x speed
Well, for a long time the only thing my tv had was a computer hooked up to it that played random futurama 24/7!
I do the same thing with FBI files episodes and found the narration puts me right to sleep
Also Bluetooth sleep mask for the win
I’m amazed and so glad to read this. This is basically my exact strategy.
I watch the newer episodes (I’ll have seen them enough eventually) and I turn my screen nearly off (almost no backlight plus a filter).
I switch up the shows sometime, but if I need sleep it’s Futurama.
This is a great tip that I do as well
alot of stuff you can read about meditiation is hooey, but practicing mindfulness and letting thoughts pass you by is a useful skill to practice. it takes some work, especially if you have a focus/anxiety problem. dont let your mind dwell on a thought, but dont push it out of your head, just “finish the sentence” as it were and move on to the next empty moment. it helps some people to visualize wiping a white board, smoothing sand, calming waves/ripples, etc.
If you’re anxious you can also meditate on the feeling of anxiety. If you don’t like that then meditate on the feeling of not liking.
A pair of earplugs and a sleep mask have been a game changer for me.
This is the way
Have you tried a white noise generator, to stop you waking up in the first place? I use TMSoft (apple, Android, pc, web browser). I use a combination of pink noise, rain and thunder - the thunder especially helps with bass notes like garbage trucks and lawn mowers.
You can import your own sounds, use sounds other people uploaded, make your own mixes, change the relative intensity of different sounds (I usually have the pink noise faded behind the rain), change pitch and speed and variability of individual sounds (the rain is pitched a little too high and fast for me to fall asleep to, so I slowed it down and made it deeper), etc. Very nice little app, but try any white noise generator, really.
It might also be a combination of other things making you sleep less deeply at that time. So maybe blackout curtains or a sleep mask, pee before you go to bed, etc etc etc.
I focus hard and repeat to myself several times, “i deserve a full night of sleep,” to help get rid of whatever is in my brain. Then i take 5-10 breaths to think about getting comfortable, feeling my pillow and covers. Then i relax one body part for 3 breaths, starting at my feet, then ankles, then lower leg, … Keeping my mind as focused as possible on it to prevent brain wandering. If thoughts creep in, i start over reminding myself that i deserve sleep.
Ive never managed to sleep this way, I tried so many times, but instead of thinking about the thing I should think about, like breathing, my stupid brain thinks about thinking of doing the thing…
It is hard. Took me about a year of practice to be able to go back to sleep. Adding that i deserve sleep helps me put down my phone and turn off the tv.
- Make sure you can’t see a clock at night. Not knowing how late it is will stop your mind from going over at least one detail, how much time you have left to sleep.
- Get a notebook next to your bed so you can write things down if something urgent comes up in your mind. If you’re like me, changes are you’ll never write down anything.
- Try to not think about anything for 10 seconds or better 10 breaths. No toughts whatsoever.
- If everything fails, have a book or e-reader ready, so you can relax while reading for a bit. Nothing with LCD screens though, they tend to wake you up even more.
These are great tricks!! I’d add one that’s always worked for me: if you can’t get your mind to go still in pt#3 above, think back of the story in a book or show you like, and let your mind wander about the characters, the story, the background, the intrigue etc. Focusing on fiction and story helps me drift back, vs focusing on real life things…
I often wake up around the same time. What helps for me is a big soft toy cat to cuddle with. The feeling of security of being able to wrap my arms around something tight is soothing and often helps me drift off to sleep again.
I don’t use it until I wake up though, until then it’s lying on the floor next to my bed. It could be that the change in sleeping posture is what helps?Granted, this might be a bit too personal to be helpful. But maybe it will help for you as well? Alternatively you could try a big fluffy pillow if soft toys aren’t your thing :)
Do you have ADHD or something similar?
I always need to have something playing in the background to stop my mind from overworking.Me too . Lately I put on it’s always Sunny in Philadelphia since I’ve seen every episode many times and set the tv with a sleep timer . I’m also very nerdy so I like to imagine cool PC setups or electronic projects I would make if I had no budget . Somehow that helps me fall asleep.
so I like to imagine cool PC setups or electronic projects I would make if I had no budget
Combine the two without a big budget; I have a dresser with drawers at the foot of my bed, with a laptop on a cooling stand in the middle one (open for ventilation), and a cheap projector in the top one that shines onto the ceiling. Cables all tuck away around the back.
No, they have thin walls
That doesn’t mean they can’t go back to sleep when the neighbour is done walking their dog.
Lots of great advice here already, the only thing I’d add is 4-7-8 breathing. There are lots of guides and explanations online, but essentially you breath in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, then exhale for 8 seconds.
It takes practice before you can do it and stay relaxed at the same time, so I would suggest practicing during the daytime so when you do it at night it doesn’t fully wake you up. It took about a week of practice before I felt comfortable enough to feel the benefit, but I still use 4-7-8 breathing in lots of contexts four years later.
I think the theory behind it is tied to vagus nerve and helping the body relax and enter rest and digest states.
I’m a light sleeper with a loud mind, as well, so this kind of thing has always been a problem for me. The two main things I find helpful may not do the trick for you, but here goes:
First, trying to force myself back to sleep always just ramps my brain up worse and makes it more difficult than it already was to fall back asleep. I stopped trying to force the issue, which has counterintuitively sped up the time it takes me to fall back asleep. I don’t get up or engage my mind with anything significant, but if I’m awake, I’ll put soft music on my earbuds or scroll on my phone set to the dimmest setting. I may not fall back to sleep immediately, but I’ve found that lowering the pressure on myself to fall back asleep makes it happen more readily than when I spend 2 hours and 45 minutes being like “if I fall asleep right now, I can still get another 3 hours. go to sleep. fall asleep. sleep will happen… now!”
Second, I’ve increased my oversell magnesium intake. I know you said no substances, but I feel like this is different. There have been a few studies–popular science type stuff, nothing peer reviewed that I know of–indicating that magnesium improves sleep quality and the ability to return to sleep if woken up. Might be the placebo effect, but I don’t care because I’ve noticed an improvement.
Sorry you have to deal with this flavor of insomnia, too. Super sucks.
You’re experiencing the exact same problem as my wife, in the same time frame, but for her it’s the neighbor slamming his door on his way out to work.
I can’t speak for her, as she often just gets up after her mind begins cycling through anything and everything, but as someone who has a lot of difficulty falling asleep, I have some success with the following:
- Massaging my neck, shoulders, and shoulderblades
- Getting up and sitting in the dark of a different environment for a few minutes, like the living room or guest bed, then returning to bed
- Alternating between trying to sleep flat on my back and on my stomach
Have you tried ear plugs?
I second this. I’m a very light sleeper and earplugs filter out most of the small sounds so I am not awakened by them.
I have an ADHD brain, sleep lightly because of raising kids, and my wife snores. I have found the best comfort success with Mack’s Silicone earplugs. I can shape them just right, so they’re not painful when I am sleeping on my side. Each plug, split in half, lasts about three nights before my body oil makes them difficult to adhere to my ears. They’re don’t block a lot of sound, but they both soften the sounds that happen and they make me hear my own breathing more, which is relaxing and focusing in it’s own way.
Good information.
I get good results with the store brand, one use foam ones. I don’t need them every night, just when things are loud or I’m in a new place.
Put a Marpac Dohm white noise generator between you and the window. It’s basically a fan that’s modified to generate consistent white noise, and is somewhat adjustable (volume, tone for lack of a better term.).
It does take some getting used to, but once you do, it muffled a lot of noise. Any white noise generator will probably work, but my marpac has run for years with only needing to be opened once or twice for dust.
Another option is a thick comforter in the window (like curtains.)
Beyond mitigation, I keep some yarn and a crochet hook, and make stuffed animals for random kids of people I know. Crocheting for me hits the sweet spot between mindless and needs focus to still my mind.
My mom will do chores like folding laundry or dishes for a few minutes. Or sudoku.
Another option is meditation techniques- like meditative breathing will help with relaxing. Try breathing for a count of 3, holding to 6, exhaling to 9 (so each step has a 3-count in through the nose, out the mouth.)
Headphones with boring content is how I do it
Something interesting enough to you to keep your attention to stop your mind from wandering and working itself into a tizzy, but not so intense or dynamic as to keep you up thinking about it.
I like to listen to The Empty Bowl and a couple other podcasts at 70% speed. There are even podcasts out there, like Sleep With Me, specifically meant to help you doze off.
30 minutes math or philosophy videos narrated by a someone with a not annoying voice are the best, 3blue1brown’s videos are really good for this, and if it doesn’t work at least you kinda sorta learn something. I also quite like Vsauce
What helps here is to start reading. Most of the times I wake up with a book open, as I manage distract my mind from random thoughts.
I once decided to read the full text of my auto insurance policy while trying to fall back asleep. I awoke to find that I only needed to read nine pages haha