like, if I’m nice (as I would prefer to be), a man might get the wrong impression, but I’m also afraid to be rude or do anything to upset them so I have to be the right kind of nice or polite - it’s a real double-bind, and something I don’t experience with women
This goes the other way too - can’t be too attentive (“nice” def isn’t the right word, bcs never be an asshole) bcs both man and women act (!!) like that when they have “romantic intent”.
I have to wait a couple of years to treat my friends/colleagues the way I want to (classic example: if I see a thing that makes me think of you/that would be useful to you, I wanna buy it as a gift - can’t really do to most folk after you’ve know only for a couple of weeks without it being weird).