Hi, so me (29NB) and my partner (23F) of almost 3 years have realized that our goals and long term plans are incompatible and that we can’t stay together (not what I am here for, so no need to get into it) the thing is that we love eachother and get along great, and even after realizing that we are breaking up, we both still want to be friends. My question is, how? How to turn a relationship with plenty of sex and love into a platonic friendship without ending up emotionally stuck on each-other or having “slip-ups”?
At first I though that maybe starting with like 3 months of no contact can help make a clean slate to return to and start a new friendship on, but after discussion it I think that we still need eachothers’ support as friends and it would be quite hard for us to just cut contact.
I had another idea of slowely banning romantic elements until the relationship goes platonic, maybe something like every week ban a new element, first can be saying “I love you” or terms of endearment, second could be sleeping over (we don’t live together), third could be sex, etc, until we are essentially friends. But is this a terrible idea that will just leave us hung up on eachother?
Anyone with experience on how to turn mutual romantic love into a platonic love/friendship?
Please, please, please, look at the relationship books by Gottman, & see which of those will protect your heart-&-spirit wealth from this world’s toxic corrosion…
Then please also both of you invest in Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright’s book “Tribal Leadership” on the 5 culture-modes/levels ( not stages, which are irreversible, like caterpillar->hippopotamus: you can’t go back, right? ) of social-process, & how to get out from the subject-to-narcissism’s-rule mode ( level-2 ), that more & more & more of our world’s population is being locked-in, up through self-centered-mode, into the healthy modes, 4 & 5.
It gives systematic methods for protecting one’s life-worth, & is worth investing in.
Here is the TED Talk too-short-to-really-understand edition of that book: https://www.ted.com/talks/david_logan_tribal_leadership
Also, there’s some books by … Eggerichs … on a fundamental-wiring-difference between guys & wymmins, THE fundamental-need for male-ego, is “respect”-validity, whereas THE fundamental-need for women is feeling-loved.
NOT understanding that butchers much relationship-worth from our world ( wish I’d known decades earlier ).
Please read the on-the-web-page sample, to get the hang of the concept, for yourself.
You have to make what-you-value-&-need remain, among this going-to-hell world, you have to make it have its own time, its own place, same as some people have a room dedicated to yoga & meditation: their personal ashram… once that habit’s established, then even just going in the room begins their relaxation & healing, right? Make your relationship be the opposite of the Dark Triad sht that’s gaining dominion…
May your relationship remain treasure that you both value & love.