its juuuuust meant to be a funi, oki? dont get too worked up about it…

for anyone who doesnt get the funi here, look at the alt text, i kinda explained it there.

alternative image link (blahaj zone)

i have some annoying neighbours and kinda thought bout how in anime, the characters yell haaiii and hooooiiii a lot when home - so heres my funi on that. (no, my neighbours dont do that >v< but instead they look into our windows and r uncomfy)

so like - how do u do today? i highly recommend drinking some water - its pretty refreshing. huge fan.

something something creative expression and self realization - who cares---

also - mygosh umm… ive been doing some stuff in blender and… see - its about time i actually make a thing which kinda… goes beyond what i usually do, u kno? not anything comercially, but something which is out there - which exists and such…
something i can point to and say

yea, i made that - but who cares

u kno?-- just some stuff i … make and then it… exists. and its not just some temporary funi which gets looked at by some hundreds of peeps - but instead more like… a genuine experience which maybe about 5 people will have (including myself…) and then these people say “yea - that was something” and then move on with the knowledge that this experience exists at all.

and - BAM! i have left something - in the world - like - a REAL LIFE thing which peeps can look at, interact with, plan within, explore and find some kind of story and meaning for themselves in it… yea - thats what i wana make.

ive not been posting much cuz i have a lot of.,. difficult stuffs goin on rn…

for anyone who cares
  • i am not studying bioinformatics
  • i am STILL too scared to get my blood drawn for those hormones - so im still… without… ;( and feel worse everyday.,.,
  • thats kinda it honestly, yea very smol things if im honest - but it feels like a lot when i also wana make cool experiences and be somewhat interesting…

something i thought a lot about the recent weeks is the idea of “artists”.

here my yapping about artists (which is bad btw)

for some reason, i had this idea in my head that artists are pretentious evils who go “oh well - you have a job which RUINS the environment, makes capitalists RICHER and you get mediocre moni- meanwhile i - they Artist (yesyes, capital A that is-) am earning money from the fact that my art is SOOOO GOOOD that people pay me REAL money for it - and im not ruining anything for anyone! im doing a purely positive thing for humanity -” and then they look down upon kinda everyone else while saying that.

this is obviously not true. like - totally false. but somehow i have a hard time getting rid of this mindset. its some brainworm presumably. its probably just envy - cuz they get to make a living off of something fun, creative and design-oriented, meanwhile everyone else works their ass off on some hard physical or mental labour which - in most cases - is not interpreted as being fun…

iguess its kinda like the imposter syndrom, but im not an imposter, i just imagine that if i were - id feel shiddy, cuz id feel like an evil pretentious peep… but now im really just askin for affirmations and whatever -. which is kindsa not what im here for… i got a lot of stuff to tell to my thearpist tomorrow >v<

have a nice day u peeps! <3

  • maria [she/her]@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
    3·
    22 hours ago

    next appointment is tomorrow. i will try my best.

    thank u very much, dear hildegarde von Bingen —

    i got som… chill pills from father now… will maybe use them. just tried one and it works reasonably well…

    anyway, thank u for sharing that comment, its nice knowing that this is a reasonably common thing.,…

    <3<3<3