its juuuuust meant to be a funi, oki? dont get too worked up about it…

for anyone who doesnt get the funi here, look at the alt text, i kinda explained it there.

alternative image link (blahaj zone)

i have some annoying neighbours and kinda thought bout how in anime, the characters yell haaiii and hooooiiii a lot when home - so heres my funi on that. (no, my neighbours dont do that >v< but instead they look into our windows and r uncomfy)

so like - how do u do today? i highly recommend drinking some water - its pretty refreshing. huge fan.

something something creative expression and self realization - who cares---

also - mygosh umm… ive been doing some stuff in blender and… see - its about time i actually make a thing which kinda… goes beyond what i usually do, u kno? not anything comercially, but something which is out there - which exists and such…
something i can point to and say

yea, i made that - but who cares

u kno?-- just some stuff i … make and then it… exists. and its not just some temporary funi which gets looked at by some hundreds of peeps - but instead more like… a genuine experience which maybe about 5 people will have (including myself…) and then these people say “yea - that was something” and then move on with the knowledge that this experience exists at all.

and - BAM! i have left something - in the world - like - a REAL LIFE thing which peeps can look at, interact with, plan within, explore and find some kind of story and meaning for themselves in it… yea - thats what i wana make.

ive not been posting much cuz i have a lot of.,. difficult stuffs goin on rn…

for anyone who cares
  • i am not studying bioinformatics
  • i am STILL too scared to get my blood drawn for those hormones - so im still… without… ;( and feel worse everyday.,.,
  • thats kinda it honestly, yea very smol things if im honest - but it feels like a lot when i also wana make cool experiences and be somewhat interesting…

something i thought a lot about the recent weeks is the idea of “artists”.

here my yapping about artists (which is bad btw)

for some reason, i had this idea in my head that artists are pretentious evils who go “oh well - you have a job which RUINS the environment, makes capitalists RICHER and you get mediocre moni- meanwhile i - they Artist (yesyes, capital A that is-) am earning money from the fact that my art is SOOOO GOOOD that people pay me REAL money for it - and im not ruining anything for anyone! im doing a purely positive thing for humanity -” and then they look down upon kinda everyone else while saying that.

this is obviously not true. like - totally false. but somehow i have a hard time getting rid of this mindset. its some brainworm presumably. its probably just envy - cuz they get to make a living off of something fun, creative and design-oriented, meanwhile everyone else works their ass off on some hard physical or mental labour which - in most cases - is not interpreted as being fun…

iguess its kinda like the imposter syndrom, but im not an imposter, i just imagine that if i were - id feel shiddy, cuz id feel like an evil pretentious peep… but now im really just askin for affirmations and whatever -. which is kindsa not what im here for… i got a lot of stuff to tell to my thearpist tomorrow >v<

have a nice day u peeps! <3

  • Da Bald Eagul@feddit.nlEnglish
    2·
    1 day ago

    This. I wasn’t too keen on it either, but I told them not to count down before sticking in the needle. If you’re not looking, you barely know it’s in there. For the most part it feels like it’s on the surface, about to in. It’s really not that bad.