Still investigating cause of death, but it appears to be some sort of puncture wound in the neck region

  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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    8 hours ago

    He was killed as a distraction.

    Susie Wiles: “Sir, they leaked the live copy of your letter to Jeffery Epstein. It’s having absolutely no effect on your public approval and Congress seems incapable of doing anything to stall your accrual of executive level powers. What should we do?”

    Trump: “I’m a great president, Susie. Some say I’m the greatest president who ever lived. That’s why I make the big decisions. And I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. We’ve got to save the nation. We need to get stronger. Some people are saying we’re not strong, but they’re wrong, Susie. This is the best this country has ever been and it’s only going to get better. Are you ready to make this country better, Susie? I don’t think you’re ready… you’re nodding. Does that mean you’re ready?”

    Susie Wiles: “Yes, Mr. President. Anything for you, Mr. President.”

    Trump: “Go talk to Pete Hegseth. He’ll tell you what to do.”

    Pete Hegseth, drunkenly: “Susthy, ith so good to thee you again. But I lothe to wath you leaf.”

    Susie Wiles: “The President said you would know what to do.”

    Pete: “Yeah, uh… kill the big head guy. You know the one. With the tiny face.”

    Susie: “Charlie Kirk”

    Pete: loud burping noise

    Susie: “Right away, Mr. War Fighter Commander Pete.”

    sounds of gunfire

    Susie Wiles: “Mr. President! In a strange turn of fate, it appears someone else shot Charlie Kirk before we could get to him.”

    Trump: “All according to plan, Susie. I’m the smartest man who ever lived. You can thank me with a kiss. Get over here, sweetie.”