Leave the house and find a hobby that women might also be into. Computers, cars? Mostly male dominated hobbies/women are afraid to actually go. Dance class? Now that’s fun, good exercise, and forces you to interact with other people, and there’s plenty of women there. Just make sure it’s something you’re at least kinda into. If you lie about your interest they’re gonna know and dislike you.
The other day I went to a watch party for the show Love Island and not joking, it was > 10 women to 1 man. I think there was over 100 women in that tiny room (definitely a fire code violation). But as soon as I started talking to a group about the show they were all over it.
This can backfire too though, since women assume any man coming to these events is just looking to hook up, so their guard is high. It’s also kind of shitty to make all extracurricular activities into dating events imo. People should have a space away from that pressure.
Honestly for me the best way to meet single is to have married friends who can play matchmaker. Of course that requires you to have friends, which brings us back to square one.
It’s also kind of shitty to make all extracurricular activities into dating events imo
You are telling me im not allowed to date. I personally hate going out to social events alone, its nerve racking, it makes my skin crawl. The ONLY reason I would consider it is because the alternative is I will never meet new people, and thus I will have a dating pool of 0 people. You don’t go out to social groups like some sort of creep hitting on every person, you go out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically.
People should have a space away from that pressure.
Id argue that a social group is not and should never be that place, and that if you think it should be you should reflect on what responsibility a person has for their own emotions.
As someone who is overly worried about making myself an outcast for ever admitting my intentions with someone, but who knows this is just a fabrication of my own fear of rejection, it really upsets me to hear someone effectively confirming my own neurotic fabricated mindset. But again, this is my emotion, and is my own responsibility.
Honestly for me the best way to meet single is to have married friends who can play matchmaker
While this might work for you, id warn against externalizing the responsibility of finding you a date, because if they stop doing it, you stop dating.
I mean the flip side of what you are saying is that people aren’t allowed to have a social life free from romantic pursuit. Yes, it’s a thin line to walk but you are only seeing the view from a person with limited romantic opportunities, not the person who is tired of every social interaction being hijacked by dude number 67897 “out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically.”
Like I totally get your perspective here. Doing things, and then… Organic relationship with no pressure. That’s ideal. The problem is that horny dudes hold this ideal in their head, and then use it to justify blowing up every coed activity in existence. You might think, “ok, if she says no, I’ll drop it” but the counterpoint is that this ritual becomes a chore for the other side of the fence. You are socially awkward, now imagine that any time you socialize in a group you have to awkwardly defend against someone’s iterative advances. And that this happens so often, it begins to color the way you interact with every acquaintance.
Yes, meeting people in group settings often leads to dates. But going into those settings with the intention to find a date is a recipe for problems. This is a subtle, but important distinction which seems lost on a lot of people.
But going into those settings with the intention to find a date is a recipe for problems
Here is the disconnect. You are working in the context of the fumbling weirdo who doesn’t understand when the answer is no, or d-bag who thinks its just playing hard to get and he needs to pursue harder, the person that is just “on the hunt” all the time. First you are missing the context of the thread, they were never talking about them, and we cannot always be saying ideas and opinions with 20 disclaimers all the time (this message doesn’t mean go out and treat social groups like speed dating, etc…) However to avoid those people you are making a blanket statement to everyone that people shouldn’t go and socialize and attempt to find romantic partners because we might accidentally enable a group of people who were going to do that anyways.
Unfortunately there will always be clumsy/annoying/overly-aggressive pursuits, and i can appreciate how exhausting that must be; but at the same time, I have to deal with mindless assholes everywhere, men who for whatever reason let their ego steer every interaction of their whole life (small dick energy), while it might be their fault that they could recolor how i perceive socializing, it is my responsibility to accept this is a fact of life, that it is unavoidable without extreme anti-social costs on myself, and learn to deal with it the best way i can. We cannot change others, we can only change how we react and feel about others.
I am also guessing this might be a difference of social bubbles, id imagine you might be in your 20’s, or maybe in a place in the world where its more acceptable for men to be uncaring about a persons comfort with being approached, this kind of stuff is quite rare in my social groups. If one of my friends was being made uncomfortable in this type of situation they would only need to flash the “I’m uncomfortable eyes” to the group and someone would go calmly pull them out of it and back into the group, and if it was a person in the group doing that, and couldn’t move on, they would be removed from the group.
Stop giving a fuck about that, work hard, eat right & exercise, get some great guy friends, community, get some hobbies you love.
It’s a great part of the human experience, but it’s not worth rushing or forcing a fit. I know a handful of guys that forced the fit, wasn’t worth it when they got run through the divorce courts. 😔
Some people just have to work harder in certain fields than others. You’re skills may be in building, writing, gardening or something else but they’re not in attracting a wide variety of matches and that’s ok. I also suck at making dating profiles, don’t photograph well and don’t have the most interesting job.
I just need to put in more hours on Hinge and reach out to more people than a friend of mine who says he just opens the app and can get a date within the hour.
For context, if I’m actively looking I can usually swing one or two dates a month which is fine for my schedule as I work and have other things I’m doing in my free time. I’m also in my 30s so am matching with people who also have busy schedules which makes scheduling even harder.
38 year old man here: you’re gonna be alone whether your dick’s in a woman or not. If you want companionship get a golden retriever and if you want your dick serviced be advised the Japanese do some pretty interesting things with silicone rubber these days.
My husband is 38, we’re eachothers best friend. Feeling alone even in company is a sign of depression, which we both have, and both have had, since we were children.
I’m glad to be there for him on his off days, and he’s there for me in mine. That’s what it’s about no? He doesn’t see me as a “dick servicer” though, so maybe that’s the difference.
I’m sorry you so feel alone no matter what though, must be difficult getting through some days
I don’t believe you. I do not believe a woman is there for a man in his off days. I’ve never seen that. Women do not support men, supporting a man is misogyny. They go on social media claiming to be “strong and independent” always in that order, and demanding heights and salaries that they will begrudgingly fuck for. “You take me on enough expensive dates and I might stoop to fucking you.”
That’s what the modern online-only strangers-only dating scene looks like. You will be alone with or without these women.
nooo! can’t you see, as a male, that you want to be with a woman means you’re sexist, because you’re reducing the women to something that you want to be with for your own well-being. how selfish of you. men are the blight of society!
i’m so sick of today’s “feminism” which plays women and men against each other, setting society up for a great divide, all to distract from actual issues such as social safety-nets, eroding wages and exploitative working conditions.
As a single (Maybe neurodivergent?) 30 year old male, what other option I have?
join IRL clubs, the first 5 to 10 times you go it’ll be painfully awkward, and I mean painful.
and the 5 few clubs you try will also feel painfully awkward.
but you’ll find a club you can’t wait for the next meeting. and you’ll make real IRL friends and connections.
just force yourself to attend.
Leave the house and find a hobby that women might also be into. Computers, cars? Mostly male dominated hobbies/women are afraid to actually go. Dance class? Now that’s fun, good exercise, and forces you to interact with other people, and there’s plenty of women there. Just make sure it’s something you’re at least kinda into. If you lie about your interest they’re gonna know and dislike you.
The other day I went to a watch party for the show Love Island and not joking, it was > 10 women to 1 man. I think there was over 100 women in that tiny room (definitely a fire code violation). But as soon as I started talking to a group about the show they were all over it.
This can backfire too though, since women assume any man coming to these events is just looking to hook up, so their guard is high. It’s also kind of shitty to make all extracurricular activities into dating events imo. People should have a space away from that pressure.
Honestly for me the best way to meet single is to have married friends who can play matchmaker. Of course that requires you to have friends, which brings us back to square one.
You are telling me im not allowed to date. I personally hate going out to social events alone, its nerve racking, it makes my skin crawl. The ONLY reason I would consider it is because the alternative is I will never meet new people, and thus I will have a dating pool of 0 people. You don’t go out to social groups like some sort of creep hitting on every person, you go out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically.
Id argue that a social group is not and should never be that place, and that if you think it should be you should reflect on what responsibility a person has for their own emotions.
As someone who is overly worried about making myself an outcast for ever admitting my intentions with someone, but who knows this is just a fabrication of my own fear of rejection, it really upsets me to hear someone effectively confirming my own neurotic fabricated mindset. But again, this is my emotion, and is my own responsibility.
While this might work for you, id warn against externalizing the responsibility of finding you a date, because if they stop doing it, you stop dating.
I mean the flip side of what you are saying is that people aren’t allowed to have a social life free from romantic pursuit. Yes, it’s a thin line to walk but you are only seeing the view from a person with limited romantic opportunities, not the person who is tired of every social interaction being hijacked by dude number 67897 “out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically.”
Like I totally get your perspective here. Doing things, and then… Organic relationship with no pressure. That’s ideal. The problem is that horny dudes hold this ideal in their head, and then use it to justify blowing up every coed activity in existence. You might think, “ok, if she says no, I’ll drop it” but the counterpoint is that this ritual becomes a chore for the other side of the fence. You are socially awkward, now imagine that any time you socialize in a group you have to awkwardly defend against someone’s iterative advances. And that this happens so often, it begins to color the way you interact with every acquaintance.
Yes, meeting people in group settings often leads to dates. But going into those settings with the intention to find a date is a recipe for problems. This is a subtle, but important distinction which seems lost on a lot of people.
Here is the disconnect. You are working in the context of the fumbling weirdo who doesn’t understand when the answer is no, or d-bag who thinks its just playing hard to get and he needs to pursue harder, the person that is just “on the hunt” all the time. First you are missing the context of the thread, they were never talking about them, and we cannot always be saying ideas and opinions with 20 disclaimers all the time (this message doesn’t mean go out and treat social groups like speed dating, etc…) However to avoid those people you are making a blanket statement to everyone that people shouldn’t go and socialize and attempt to find romantic partners because we might accidentally enable a group of people who were going to do that anyways.
Unfortunately there will always be clumsy/annoying/overly-aggressive pursuits, and i can appreciate how exhausting that must be; but at the same time, I have to deal with mindless assholes everywhere, men who for whatever reason let their ego steer every interaction of their whole life (small dick energy), while it might be their fault that they could recolor how i perceive socializing, it is my responsibility to accept this is a fact of life, that it is unavoidable without extreme anti-social costs on myself, and learn to deal with it the best way i can. We cannot change others, we can only change how we react and feel about others.
I am also guessing this might be a difference of social bubbles, id imagine you might be in your 20’s, or maybe in a place in the world where its more acceptable for men to be uncaring about a persons comfort with being approached, this kind of stuff is quite rare in my social groups. If one of my friends was being made uncomfortable in this type of situation they would only need to flash the “I’m uncomfortable eyes” to the group and someone would go calmly pull them out of it and back into the group, and if it was a person in the group doing that, and couldn’t move on, they would be removed from the group.
When the ratio is that high, you can be certain there will also be women looking to hook up.
I can vouch that the friend of a friend connection works really well.
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Stop giving a fuck about that, work hard, eat right & exercise, get some great guy friends, community, get some hobbies you love.
It’s a great part of the human experience, but it’s not worth rushing or forcing a fit. I know a handful of guys that forced the fit, wasn’t worth it when they got run through the divorce courts. 😔
Thanks, right message at the right time!
Book clubs.
Casting a wider net.
Some people just have to work harder in certain fields than others. You’re skills may be in building, writing, gardening or something else but they’re not in attracting a wide variety of matches and that’s ok. I also suck at making dating profiles, don’t photograph well and don’t have the most interesting job.
I just need to put in more hours on Hinge and reach out to more people than a friend of mine who says he just opens the app and can get a date within the hour.
For context, if I’m actively looking I can usually swing one or two dates a month which is fine for my schedule as I work and have other things I’m doing in my free time. I’m also in my 30s so am matching with people who also have busy schedules which makes scheduling even harder.
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38 year old man here: you’re gonna be alone whether your dick’s in a woman or not. If you want companionship get a golden retriever and if you want your dick serviced be advised the Japanese do some pretty interesting things with silicone rubber these days.
My husband is 38, we’re eachothers best friend. Feeling alone even in company is a sign of depression, which we both have, and both have had, since we were children.
I’m glad to be there for him on his off days, and he’s there for me in mine. That’s what it’s about no? He doesn’t see me as a “dick servicer” though, so maybe that’s the difference.
I’m sorry you so feel alone no matter what though, must be difficult getting through some days
I don’t believe you. I do not believe a woman is there for a man in his off days. I’ve never seen that. Women do not support men, supporting a man is misogyny. They go on social media claiming to be “strong and independent” always in that order, and demanding heights and salaries that they will begrudgingly fuck for. “You take me on enough expensive dates and I might stoop to fucking you.”
That’s what the modern online-only strangers-only dating scene looks like. You will be alone with or without these women.
Look up “spool of wire guy.”
No disrespect, I really dig your style. But man, this comment section keeps on giving 😂
So does the golden retriever!
nooo! can’t you see, as a male, that you want to be with a woman means you’re sexist, because you’re reducing the women to something that you want to be with for your own well-being. how selfish of you. men are the blight of society!
i’m so sick of today’s “feminism” which plays women and men against each other, setting society up for a great divide, all to distract from actual issues such as social safety-nets, eroding wages and exploitative working conditions.
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