my entire family got sick so i have been in the unenviable position of suddenly being load-bearing, and i’d greatly appreciate if that was not the case
Not great. I’m really lethargic lately. I don’t think I’ve done one thing for leisure, it’s all just cook/gym/work/sleep. Any second I’m not doing what’s necessary to maintain my body or my paycheck, I’m out cold.
My therapist had an emergency so we’ve had to delay the session by quite a bit. I have some social engagements coming up and I wanted to talk with her before canceling them. I think I’ll just do it, I don’t think I feel like meeting people.
Hope y’all feel better soon!
Had a lovely anxiety spell take over me the past couple of days, but I’m working on solving the issues that are causing said anxieties, bit by bit. At least the weekend will start, though my internship now seeps into my weekends… Don’t look forward to Saturdays as much as I used to. But Sunday, I’ll be hanging out with a friend. And then I’ll be hanging out with someone I really like. ⌯’▾’⌯ Trying to be optimistic and get work done so that the anxiety lessens.
Moderate. I’m angry with the U.S., but music and rhythm games help my mood.
I had a thought that if enough people coordinated to play a particular music or chant at a certain time, you would hear it for miles, much like people did with clapping for medical workers during the heights of lockdown. I think it’d be a powerful message if enough people joined in.
Individual acts of kindness are keeping me going through the late Weimar. I’m writing this from the garage of a friend who offered to let me stay with him while we deal with “not going to get above freezing for a few days.”
For a bit I thought my new prescription of lexapro was going to carry me through this year but the week of feeling joyful has leveled out and I am just as grumpy and annoyed as before. Just less sad. I want the joy part, though.
Been on Lexapro a while myself, and one of the most interesting effects about it for me is instead of being exceptionally depressed, I now get angry, which comes with the bonus addition of ✨energy ✨. It’s not joy, but it’s much more useful than depression! If I can get myself to direct the energy to exercise or angrily harping on a task I get to trade it for a little accomplishment and positive feelings. I just got done playing Ragnarok for a half hour after falling off the exercise wagon and it definitely put me in a better mood.
Lol ugh. My baseline was grumpy and extremely sad 80% of my week. They started me in Lexapro last November… week of election. Terrible idea. I wasn’t sure if I was experiencing pill side effects or dealing with the election results. After two months it was clear it wasn’t helping so we upped my dosage right in time for the fires that burnt my city down. I didn’t think it was going to help at all but by mid January I was starting to experience little moments of joy. Initially, those bursts scared me. I was like what even is this emotion? My doctor was like, its normal as you adjust. It only lasted about two weeks. Now I am emotionally leveled out but back to the baseline of grump, but at least I’m not disabling levels sad. 😅
Got like 3 feet of snow in 3 or 4 days, I stayed at home, good :)
Little high, little low. I’m adjusting to online discussions after not being part of them for quite a while. Had some fun conversations with my partner and I am writing again, which is great. Job hunting is such a drag though. Simply inhuman.
Hello and hope you feel better Alyaza!
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Spent the weekend playing TTRPGs and honestly, I’m learning to cherish these moments because it’s kind of awesome that I’ve got 2 separate games going on that’s able to fit in my schedule and energy levels.
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Watch the premiere of Last Week Tonight with John oliver and it’s such a breath of fresh air after watching Jon Stewart. It’s my first time watching Jon Stewart this past year and I don’t understand the hype around him. I guess he’s funnier than Oliver but that’s about it.
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Started playing Pillars of Eternity on Xbox Gamepass. I’m not super far in, so I’m hoping that the real-time with pause combat starts clicking with me sooner rather than later.
Agreed, I much prefer John Oliver’s vibe. I watched Jon Stewart a few times when he was popular on the Daily Show and tried his more recent stuff too, and it’s never stuck for me. So glad to see him back this week, it’s a comfort for sure.
I started PoE three times and couldn’t ever get into it. I hope you have better luck.
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Warning: Kind of a long whiny post
One of my roommates just told me she’s buying a house, and my other two roommates are moving in.
I’m invited too, but I feel like they’re doing so more out of obligation or pity than a desire to continue living with me. I hear them having fun in the living room when I’m holed up in my room, only for them to immediately cool down if I come out. They keep making plans without me, they went skiing last week on a day I was busy. I was the one who had suggested skiing… They just seem to vibe a lot better together than with me, which is fine, but it gets really tiring feeling like the odd one out at home.
I guess I just can’t help but feel they’d rather bring in a fourth roommate that fits their vibe rather than haul me over to the new place.
I’m frustrated because I can’t tell if this is all in my head or if they actually find me bothersome. I know I’m at least part of the problem, I’ve never been able to feel fully accepted in any group. Ever since I was a kid I felt like everyone just tolerated me, or accepted my presence, rather than feeling like an integral part of the gang. It’s at the point where even if I were to become accepted in a group, I don’t think I’d even be equipped to realize it. I’d just rationalise away any love and acceptance as fake. Or maybe it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy, where my incapacity to feel wanted results in no one wanting me.
OK so this ended up as more than “kind of a whiny post”, sorry for the feeling-dump. I just really needed to get this off my chest and yell it into the void.
Been sick since Thursday. Finally on the mend I think and I’m exhausted, hot, and mucusy.
Hopefully your family gets well soon, it really blows when you’re the only healthy in a household.
So far so good, I’m finishing a photo project I started last week and the band that commissioned me is so far happy as hell with the images they’re getting. They’re even going to be giving me a shirt and a copy of their album when it releases.
I can’t share the images until they get the ones they’re happy with but I’ll definitely share those over on my PixelFed when I’m done with them.
I’ve also got it down to just Lightroom holding me on Windows, I’m planning to learn some of the open source alternatives once I’m done with this project as not only has Windows over stayed it’s welcome so has the Adobe suite. My plan is to leave Windows (ideally) before the end of March.
Your Mt St Helens photo is beautiful!
Thank you!
I’m particularly proud of that one, I was hoping to give a couple other local peaks the same treatment this last year but the conditions just didn’t align right with my time off.
There’s hope for this year though!
Beautiful photography!!
How do you like PixelFed?
I’m in the process of establishing a nonprofit. I know I’ll have to manage the usual social media sites, but I’m looking at starting accounts on alternatives too.
Thank you!
Pixelfed is pretty chill overall IMO, especially with how it’s algorithm is implemented. Chronological and only what you follow unless you look for things, things it’s just chronological.
I’d recommend keeping your work social media accounts separate from personal accounts, it makes things easier to maintain and easier to keep a public image.
Good to know, looking to swap out Instagram for Pixelfed as I am tired of the Negative Nancys and Nicholases I come across on that platform. 😂
Hello! I’m sorry for your family and I hope they all recover quickly. I’ve been spending my days working and slowly getting better at managing my own stress levels; therapy was a godsend for me and my therapist is an angel.
