You need to tell him not to get defensive.

This confused my friend, apparently, and he said “How was I supposed to know when he looks so feminine?”

If he is new to queer spaces and is trying to understand than the first thing is to listen, decanter himself and calm down. If for example he called his friend Jason by the name Tyler, would he instantly say "How could I know? you look like a Jason!* or would he say correct to Tyler and carry on.

I understand hee is trying to be an positive, but before he can get to that step he has to learn how not to be a negative, and being upset that someone isn’t gendered enough to be unclockable is just feeding fire to the most common trans anexity. He’s human, we all make mistakes, he’s not bad, wrong or instantly a bigot for assuming wrong. But he does become those things when he begins to argue.

I’m not trying to be hard on him, honest kudos for the effort, but he needs to work on not lashing out at anyone who made him self-conscious. Just gotta correct yourself and move on. Every single trans person would rather just be correctly gendered the next time instead of making an event out of it.

Oooh! Ursula is a fantastic pick and my personal favorite author. Even if we decide on something that’s a re-read for me from her I’d call it a good problem. And if not, all the better!

What I had in terms of serious movies was “Women Talking”, which is an entire cast of women and a single man who barely speaks. Set in an amish community where the women have been systematically drugged and SA’d. Tragically based off real events, but a fantastic film. Given the subject matter I wouldn’t blame anyone who would pass on it but it is one that prompts a lot of discussion.

Ooooh fun! I’d love something like that! Either book or movie, or heck. Both! I read a ton but my wife does not so I’m always itching to talk about it my latest finish!

Are you thinking more dramas/serious issues types or something more fun/lightweight? In these scary times both feel nessecary. 😂

Nope, the “even” is important. The NRA supports gun control when minority groups are buying guns.

In contrast to the NRA’s rigid opposition to gun control in today’s America, the organization fought alongside the government for stricter gun regulations in the 1960s. This was part of an effort to keep guns out of the hands of African-Americans as racial tensions in the nation grew. The NRA felt especially threatened by the Black Panthers, whose well-photographed carrying of weapons in public spaces was entirely legal in the state of California, where they were based.

https://www.history.com/articles/black-panthers-gun-control-nra-support-mulford-act

Breaking Bad and it’s ~5 second intro is easily the best.

I have a handful of dollar store glasses I popped the lenses out from. I don’t need glasses but these help me look.

Look cute. 😉

So I’m not into megs man, platformer shooters are super not my thing. But after loving Paradise Killer I think detective games just might be. I’ve never played any of the Ace games, any suggestions on which is a good entry point to the series? Is there an overall story of are the games self contained?

Oh that was it. My mom used to say it a lot. Sort of a meta answer I suppose. 😂

When getting advice, consider if the speakers life is one you want for yourself.

The uno reverse card you’re trying to play is so silly. Yes, I am intolerant of intolerance. This sort of queerphobic bigotry is hateful, cringe and diametrically opposed to “acceptance”. You can’t be supportive of queer lives when you are also demonizing queer repsentation as ugly.

None of the characters were attractive. One was morbidly obese. Almost all of them were gender non-conforming

Some real capital G-amer takes here. Come everyone, let’s join hands and “objectively” agree to hate minority bodies.

I was transfered to a specialist to start a new non-trans related medication. We had a zoom meeting and went through some test results before asking “is there any chance your pregnant?”

I laughed and said that wasn’t possible. She looked confused and started reading something on her other monitor. She muttered “Progesterone…?” and looking confused before turning back to me. “Okay Ma’am, just to be clear, you do NOT have a uterus correct?”

😂

Understanding yourself as trans, and deciding to transition are two very different things. I have the privilege to go out in the world as myself, but trans folk in various middle eastern countries would be killed for doing so. I am no more or less trans than any of them purely because of my context. Lots of trans women are not out to their jobs, so the are only themselves on the weekend. It’s tragic, but maintaining personal safety will always take priority.

Which is why I think moving slowly and making sure you KNOW what makes you happy, before deciding to let others know this aspect of yourself. Worrying about her reaction is putting the cart before the horse.

But let’s say the day comes where you do KNOW and want someone you love to know who you are. That’s also a baby step.

So during the androgynous middle ground which might take years to get through, she will not find me physically attractive in the slightest.

Well, that sounds like fear and anxiety talking to me but I won’t presume to know your wife. However if she is bi, than I can’t imagine she is so rigid in gender roles that she would hate you for stepping outside of them. And even if so, have you considered perhaps not changing your gender and place in the world right this moment, but just changing yourself? Doing something FOR yourself. You already mentioned wanting to go on HRT, but that doesn’t mean coming out. The majority of trans women on HRT for years before talking to their family.

Just know that are options for life post-egg crack. None are wrong, or better than each other and I couldn’t tell you what is right for you. But I do know that that it’s not selfish to find happiness. If you are posting here, then I think you owe it to yourself to begin exploring. Just for no other reason to understand yourself better.

Okay most importantly, the only person who can answer this question is you. You gotta look deep into yourself and see what truly makes you happy. I know that’s not helpful but the real answer is always going to be baby steps and lots of self check-ins.

Once I had my own egg crack moment, I just started trying on different type of clothes, see what made me happy, what made feel bad and especially what made me feel nothing at all. Then after deciding on things that made ME happy, I went out by myself to see how it felt to be viewed differently. I won’t lie, there was good moments but there were lots of scary ones too. But every time I got back home, I just wanted to do it again. Things got better slowly not because the world had changed, but how I have changed when I interacted with it. Again privately, I started adding make up, jewlery and wigs. Every new thing just made me excited to go outside and less scared of anyone who made me feel crappy, because I just felt so damn good myself. Going to the grocery store, to the movies, etc. Eventually a stranger called me “miss” and it damn near stopped my heart. So I made the next step of telling the people in my immediate circle that I wanted to use “she/her” and that took them some time, but the people in my life that valued my happiness stayed, those who didn’t… well clearly I wasn’t a priority to them, so why were we even friends? That’s fundamental to ANY relationship.

Then came a month of me deciding on names.

Then a month of trying on labels, like “trans woman”, “non-binary” or “femme”.

Then starting HRT.

Then changing those labels and names when I realized a better fit.

Then a year or so legally changing my name.

All slowly, all baby steps, all finding out what in your heart-of-hearts make you happy. There is no wrong answer to happiness. Only what harms other, and dressing in a way that makes you happy ABSOLUTELY IS NOT harming anyone. Existing is not a crime.

Here I am several years later, still following the things that make me happy. Movies and TV will show trans people as “getting the surgery” and then blamo, brand new person. That’s fiction, it’s always a slow, delibrate and introspective process.

I’ve love friends, relationships, but I have a new family I know cares for me and a new wife that loves me for exactly who I am, not who she wants me to be. I haven’t stopped looking for new things that might make my happy… but why should I ever? Why should you ever? Should anybody!? That’s life! So go start experimenting with what makes you feel joy! You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to the people who care about you. Realizing that something makes you happy and then NOT depriving yourself only fosters resentment.

So whoever you are, I’m excited and delighted that you’re asking these questions. I hope this is the start of something big, that five years from now you’ll look back on and laugh. Like I do half a decade later. And if you decide that all of this was a mistake, that’s okay too, well now you know! That’s an amazing achievement too!

Idk, don’t get me wrong, I’m going to devour a new season day 1. But the two of them running headlong into certain doom… Idk, I could be happy in a world where we don’t see that doom.

I mean, the guy worked for the Russian embassy stationed in Alaska. It’s not even a consisparcy that this was staged PR propaganda.

I smoked for a couple years but gave it up when a new GF complained. I know I’m lucky af for this… but I quit just over a single weekend. Physically it wasn’t a big deal for me. I only miss the social aspect of meeting new random strangers. This was about a decade ago and don’t have any cravings at all.

Booze? I used to binge drink in my 20s, not healthy mentally or physically, but once I hit 30 it felt like my tolerance dissapered and hangovers lasted days. Only on the rarest occasions do I have a single cocktail at a restaurant. Like maybe every 6 months or so.

Do a fair amount of CBD and CBN for pain relief, and around bedtime THC, but all that is edibles.

I’m not. I’ve seen it happen many times to friends. Straight girls can make out drunk at a bar/party and that’s the end of it, but two men doing so are absolutely and irreversiblly gay.

It’s just yet another facet of gender enforcement and cishet normalization. Heck during the first season of Love is Blind an engaged couple breaks up because he admitted to his fiance that he has slept with men before. Not that reality TV relationships are real relationships, but there are vast majority of women who see it as a deal breaker.

Unless of course you’re just doubting anon talks to women at all. In which case, yeah… sus… 😒

I have several decades of first hand experience saying AMC does love exactly that.

Transition decades earlier. Or more precisely have the courage, vocabulary and fortitude to stand up to my religious mother and bigoted father. I always knew what I wanted, but they both insisted on doing football and weight lifting, no matter how out of place and unnatural those environments felt to me.