Maybe we should kiss

That’s Apple’s style. It’s their artistic way of telling you that you’re only as valuable as the products you buy.

When stretched, the open textile subtly reveals its contents and allows users to peek at their iPhone display. iPhone Pocket can be worn in a variety of ways — handheld, tied onto bags, or worn directly on the body.

“Subtly” digging around your shoulder-holstered tube sock.

They forgot to mention that you can also use it as the world’s most expensive roll of quarters.

Are you referencing the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs or the bricks to the face?

Biden never sent me a check for this many zeros

“I can’t die as long as all you dumb assholes work together to keep me alive forever!”

I stopped ordering from them because of the heartburn and reflux. I stopped meeting friends there because of their morals. And I’ll mock them endlessly for sponsoring their own destruction.

I hope that the employees from all these Wendy’s (nutsonyourchin, I’m sorry!) land jobs at Costco and that local restaurants succeed at establishing roots in the ashes of this cursed company.

First name related?

So, the reality was that Manfred Mann recorded the song on a tape that supposedly was off-angle and unintentionally resulted in somewhat garbled lyrics. He did intentionally reword “cut loose like a deuce” (insert poop joke about pinching a loaf) to “revved up like a deuce.” But the public’s fascination with the unintelligible song that they could easily request/identify because Mann also added a Chopsticks solo resulted in a more popular hit.

This follows a similar pattern to Louie Louie, originally recorded by Richard Berry (Chuck and Marvin’s totally for real cousin, obv.) and received well regionally, but didn’t really get much attention. It was later covered and retitled Louie, Louie by The Kingsmen on a shitty setup that caused the lyrics to sound all sorts of wonky. This left the lyrics open to interpretations that escalated to the song being labeled pornographic. This, of course, made it more popular.

Point being, if you love the song so much, then people like me are important in bringing misguided attention to them. People like you are important in properly appreciating the artist and keeping them from going insane over internet users with “fart” in their names chewing up their art and pooping out immature comments.

Thank you! I misheard them myself and then concerned my parents by singing them out loud.

Are you trying to say that those lyrics make more sense???

all my job interviews would have gone more vigorously

“What can you bring to the team?”

“Bend over and spread 'em and I’ll show you.”

Hot take from Tech Bro Bevis

The furry one has a stoma

Hey, check in with us next year. Our ratio should have improved by then.

And she’ll be

Blinded by the li-i-ight. Wrapped up like a douche, another boner in the night

I look forward to the day that those words are accurate.

Yes, that usage was genuinely incredible.

Yeah right, crazy couch fucker

From my perspective, no need to apologize. You called me out where I deserved to be called out. You did not attack me personally and provided context. I seriously thought you were offering a stern and sincere response, which I totally respect.

That being said, I’m sorry that you were in a shitty mood. These are very stressful times and it’s easy to accidentally snap at your neighbor. Remember that the most valuable resource you can offer is yourself, which is why it’s important to take care of yourself. If you ever need to vent and just feel the acknowledgement of another human, feel free to send a message.