crosswind [they/them]

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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: October 20th, 2022

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  • I think the emphasis on “keep it in proportion” is trying to acknowledge that there’s a deeper discussion to be had there without getting too sidetracked from the main point of the post. To get in to that discussion, I would say that shame is not a tool to be used, but effectively handling a situation where a child has caused significant harm (maybe not swearing, but something more serious) is going to involve some amount of guilt or shame.

    Sometimes children misbehave because they have to, but often it’s because they don’t understand why what they did is wrong, or that there’s a better way to act. If someone can explain these things, a small, appropriate amount of guilt can make the lesson much more memorable.

    This takes a lot of skill, and understanding of the situation the kid is in, how they are feeling, and how they are reacting. Many people don’t follow this, and they can cause more harm doing it badly. But trying to educate someone after they’ve done something wrong while avoiding causing them any guilt at all is not going to be very effective. And reserving shame or guilt only for people you’ve declared to be lost causes is not a healthy approach.