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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 7th, 2023

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  • Unfortunately there are a lot of people, including other trans people, who will insist that even if it is a trans man. It mostly comes from radfem types that view trans men as ‘joining the enemy’, and they usually accuse femboy trans men of transitioning in order to selfishly escape society’s misogyny.

    Source: me, a very femme transmasc person who has had this thrown at me both online and in person, even in queer spaces.


  • In today’s political climate, when there are several groups trying to paint China as completely and uniquely evil in every sense, it is important to note that similar actions have been taken by other nations against them.

    Additionally, from the opposite angle, by providing examples of times when other nations did similar horrible things, it shows both that the information is plausible and that China definitely knows what the result of this will be. This arguably makes it even worse, given that they have seen the way that lives can be ruined by addiction and overdose when supplied with these substances.

    The poster you replied to said nothing except stating the fact, and too many people don’t know their history and are apt to think that situations like this are only a part of modern history. If he brought up an unrelated bad thing someone had done, that would be derailing, but providing this information opens up some real discussion about how this happened and how to deal with it.


  • As someone who has suffered from night terrors and other disturbingly vivid dreams, I would recommend starting to do “wake checks”.

    Set an alarm on your phone to go off every few hours at random times during the day. When the alarm goes off, do something that produces a reliable result, like turning a light on/off, turning on a faucet, checking the time on a clock, or pinching yourself. Make your checks as varied as possible, and do them in a different order from day to day, because you don’t want the results to become part of a pattern.

    Once you are in the habit of doing that, start doing those checks any time something ‘out of the norm’ happens. What ‘out of the norm’ means is up to you, but essentially any time you think that something is weird or out of place, do a check. What you are doing is training yourself to check whether you are in reality or not.

    Once you start doing that, you will probably continue that habit when you end up in a dream. However, these checks will not produce reliable results when you do them in a dream. Turning on the faucet won’t make it give water, the time will change drastically, lights won’t turn on when you flip the switch, etc. These are now your cues to see if you are awake or not. If one of these things ever DOES start to give reliable results in a dream, stop using it immediately and substitute a different one.

    Once you have a way of determining if you are awake or not, you have a way to wake up. Most people wake up after realizing they are in a dream, and even if you don’t, realizing you are dreaming should result in a massive shift in what is happening in the dream.

    One warning though: if you have night terrors where you end up paralyzed, you will want to have a contingency plan. My night terrors usually started in a situation where I was unable to move, and that is the main reason I struggled with them for over a decade. The only thing that helped there was meditation where I would focus on “feeling” my fingers and toes and how they moved, and then getting myself in the habit of using that meditation as an anxiety response. Doing that in a dream will usually end up waking me up because it forces my brain to focus and eventually move my body irl.


  • I would love to, and when I buy a house sometime in the future that is a major consideration for me. Unfortunately, right now I have to live where I can afford to. I have had to move almost every year since graduating college and have never been able to take that into consideration due to finances. Even now, hubby and I will likely be given his parents’ current house that is much further away from our friends, and we are taking the opportunity because we can’t afford not to.


  • My parents had kicked me out for unrelated reasons (I was a nerd and my mom was a believer in borderline Satanic Panic BS) and my extended family had welcomed me back because my parents were generally assholes to everyone and had been told they were no longer welcome at family get-togethers. When I rejoined that extended family, they told me all about how they couldn’t imagine kicking anyone out a kid simply for being honest about how they want to live their life.

    So when I came out to them a few years later, they realized that they couldn’t really say anything about it because it would make them the same as my parents. Most of my aunts have come around, and even my grandad was happy to call me his grandson before he passed away. The main holdouts are my uncles and the one aunt who is a strict Catholic despite being divorced herself. But if I weren’t to be invited, it would be a big issue with enough family members that they always ask.

    Thankfully I am not entirely alone, as my one cousin got gay married last year as well, so now we joke about being the rainbow sheep of the family lol.



  • The traditional way this was phrased was “bleeding heart liberal”. The implication being that they were so giving as to be gullible and not realistic.

    Nowadays the preferred insults are “commie” or “woke”. I don’t hear it directed at me much, due to particular family circumstances that forced them to accept my gay-married trans ass, but boy do I hear it about Democrats every year.

    (I know that Dems aren’t commie or even ‘woke’ most of the time, but to them it is a distinction without a difference. To them, those terms refer to anyone who thinks that people don’t deserve to die for the ‘crime’ of being homeless.)


  • Anything that was a major thing in your life, good or bad, can be missed in some way once it is gone. The trick is to remember that quite a bit of that feeling is missing the predictably of daily life, not necessarily missing the thing itself.

    I was also kicked out, though it was during my college years, and there are still times I find myself missing my parents, even almost 10 years later. The feeling isn’t as strong, and it is mostly just me lamenting the fact that I will not have a lot of experiences most people consider universal, such as having family to visit for holidays, or having someone to talk to no matter what you have going on in your life.

    It is a bit like grief. The parents you thought you had are gone, even if they are physically living, and you had no choice in the matter. The feeling will come and go, it will change over time. But it will get easier.




  • Full article is as follows:

    Toronto police sergeant gets eight-month demotion for her role in violent ‘mistaken identity’ arrest of U of T student

    Officers were looking for a different Black man — wanted in a domestic incident — when Sgt. Rachel Saliba spotted Hasani O’Gilvie on his way to class. The “mistaken identity” arrest ended with O’Gilvie being Tasered and the subject of a knee-to-neck restraint.

    Sgt. Rachel Saliba, one of two Toronto police officers who pleaded guilty to misconduct charges in the “mistaken identity” arrest and Tasering of Hasani O’Gilvie, a Black university student, was penalized with an eight-month demotion on Monday.

    Saliba pleaded guilty earlier this year to an unlawful exercise of authority in making an unnecessary arrest that she initiated — even though O’Gilvie had identified himself — triggering a violent take down of an innocent man.


  • One of my favorite songs from Jim Croce, Rapid Roy the Stock Car Boy, has a whole verse on this!

    Rapid Roy, that stock car boy, He’s the best driver in the land He says that he learned to race a stock car By runnin’ shine outta Alabam’ Oh the demolition derby and the figure 8 Is easy money in the bank Compared to runnin’ from the man In Oklahoma City With a 500 gallon tank




  • Dude, vegans can and do eat fruits. For people who can’t afford seasonal fresh fruit, we have fortified foods like bread, pasta, rice, and cereals, most of which are also vegan. I specified rice and beans (and everything else you conveniently ignored, lol) because they make a complete protein, which is usually the only thing you need to monitor closely if you are vegan on a budget. Anything else and you are best off getting a multivitamin for best bang for your buck.

    Also, you saying none of us have been hungry and then lecturing us about not getting both fruits AND vegetables when fresh fruit is one of the most expensive things in a grocery store, outside of meat that is? You clearly have never been poor enough that you have been needing to have your ‘fruit’ be the cheapest jar of grape jelly you can find, or the cans of frozen ‘orange drink concentrate’.


  • Fruits are also available but usually tend to be more expensive and are usually considered a treat for people on limited budgets. Me not listing them was part of keeping to the usual budget shopping lists recommend for people with limited income. Unless you are further being a pedant and insisting that tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables.

    And while I am fortunate enough to live in the continental US, I mostly buy what is in season and local and therefore on sale for relatively cheap. And anywhere where that isn’t available, frozen veggies are available, often for even cheaper and with no difference in nutritional value or content. If you don’t have a fridge/freezer, dried veggies are also available in most markets (dried peppers especially) and canned goods are far better for you now than they ever have been, with only marginal decreases in nutritional value.

    Where do you live that absolutely no vegetables are available in any form for a dollar a can or five dollars for a family pack that would make a couple dozen meals for a family of four?

    (Edit: Or, if not in the US, where you can’t even buy local produce, unless you are in an area where there is famine. In which case you may object to the fact that almost half our farmable land is used to grow crops to feed to animals instead of being used to grow more food for humans.)




  • Obviously this is a joke, but there used to be an important reason we kept the flags wrinkled like that: it meant that you never knew who had bought a flag at a Pride event and who brought one they owned.

    This meant that people who were ‘caught’ at an event by friends or family they weren’t out to, they could say they just bought the flag to support the cause. It also meant there was no way to tell who had been there longer than others.


  • Hmm, that is a question that more relies on your particular hair color and skin tone.

    What you could try first is a clear brow and lash mascara, which has no color but lengthens/widens the look of the hair you already have. Unless you way overdo it, it should blend pretty well.

    Otherwise, I would just pick the closest color match and try it out. E.l.f is not pricey, and they routinely have sales, so it will only cost $2-3 to try an item out. If you like it, it will last a long time, so you are getting a great deal, but if you don’t, then it isn’t a huge waste.

    Other than that, I would recommend just starting with a small amount, and only do it on one ‘side’ of your brow at a time. In other words, only use the makeup on the top or bottom of the brow, not both. Which one would work better for you depends on your style and the look you are going for. You can also use a makeup brush, small comb or q tip to ‘brush’ your brows immediately after applying to help de-clump the individual hairs in your brows.

    I know that all of this sounds very vague, but it really is a trial and error process to figure out what works for you. Following tutorials can help for general styling tips, but everyone’s face and hair is different, so what works for one person may not work for you.