we’re back after an absence. unfortunately my week has kicked off with a full day of completely dying from eating too much food, then my body rejecting food–this is not ideal, obviously. also my internal clock is messed up and i’m way behind on some stuff
I ‘adopted’ a cute femboy fox who came to SF at the beginning of pride month to experience a new city and life and cheer up from their depression. This is the fifth person I’ve ended up giving a spot to live for an undefined period of time and currently the third person at my house who isn’t paying rent. It’s weird to be in enough of a place of privilege to be able to give back in little ways like this.
Reflecting on this, in my early twenties I used to hate living with other people- I found them mostly inconsiderate and I tolerated their presence only because they shared the rent. Over time I’ve realized it’s just that I wasn’t picky enough with who I wanted to live with. As I’ve given space away for free to people I care about, I’ve also realized just how extroverted I truly am and how much happier I am to be in a big loving household.
Which is all a long preamble to just say I’m in a really good place right now and it seems like spending more of my life trying to chase happiness in the moment has lead to much more sustainable happiness in the long term too. Sacrificing happiness today for something in the future mostly just ends up making me not as happy overall.
I ‘adopted’ a cute femboy
I thought you were talking about a person
fox
I thought you were talking about an animal and describing it in an adorable and unique way
who came to SF at the beginning of pride month to experience a new city and life and cheer up from their depression
I realized you were talking about a person
man, that reminded me or r/maybemaybemaybe, I wish this was on here lol
I think they’d very much appreciate your thought process! I know I personally get a lot of validation out of confusing people about just what exactly I am
Well, dealt with a Lemmy fire last night/this morning and then immediately fell out of that frying pan into some work-related IT fires…and it’s only Monday.
It’s now after 5:00, so…
spoiler
I have a new internet connection that is vastly better than my old one. I live in a rural area that was still on dial up until 2012, then got DSL. It was archaic, to say the least. Mostly it was more reliable to use my phone’s LTE hotspot than to use the house internet. Starlink had a waiting list when I looked into them (not that I really wanted to give Elon any money), a local internet provider required us to install an 80 foot tower to get line of sight to them, and so far up until now all the cell phone companies that offer home internet plans have always had “not available in your area” when I put in my address.
On a whim, I checked one of our cell phone providers’ websites last week because they recently installed a new tower nearby and 5G home internet was finally available! The speed varies wildly, sometimes it is 20 Mbps and others it’s 100 Mbps, but the DSL varied from less than 1 Mbps up to 4 Mbps download speed. We can download games in minutes instead of hours now, it’s so exciting. It also costs $50 per month instead of $160, the old internet was a total rip off!
Congrats on the internet upgrade! I live in a rural area as well, but I (unfortunately) had to cave and get Starlink since the only other option is blazing-fast 5Mbps DSL, which unfortunately won’t cut it for my remote work. There’s a multiple-municipality fiber co-op getting established at the moment though, and I’m hoping that we’ll be connected with them by the end of the year. About the same price, but way faster speeds and way lower latency (and no reliance on Musk), so I’ll be switching as soon as I find out it’s an option!
Better now that I got the upgrade to 0.18.1 to run correctly. Blew up the VM twice last night, restored it again this morning, manually shut down docker and run the playbook again and it just worked this time. Got around to imaging the other parts of the network, broke a non-important router on upgrade. Fix that mess later, brain is fry.
But I have been given freeze dried strawberries and cheesy crackers from Big Dwagon, so all is good I suppose.
welcome to the upgrading lemmy experience; we experienced that bout of suffering in real time last week when we tried to do the 0.18 update too, lol
Thank goodness for virtualization and snapshots, right?
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What inspired you to eat so much? Where I am, portion sizes are absolutely out of control, and it’s reflected in the obesity rate. I literally get an average of full 3 meals out of anything I buy from any restaurant. A chipotle burrito is an entire days worth of calories nearly, and I just don’t understand how anyone over 18 can eat a full one. Kids, I get. I remember being a teenager and ravenous, but that goes away as you get older, so how do people keep eating so much??
What inspired you to eat so much?
unfortunately: an entire childhood (and so far, adulthood) of not consistently eating meals because we’re poor. this… does not endear you to good eating habits, and i’m pretty sure what i actually have at this point is a mild eating disorder that’s simply undiagnosed
That’s as bummer yo. We grew up poor, but had enough family support that food wasn’t ever a problem thankfully. It did give me a healthy hate of the Injustice system though, and a lot of trauma from state interventions into our lives that expresses itself as fight or flight anxiety when confronted. I hope you’re able to get somewhere you feel safe and secure enough that you no longer feel the need to overeat when food is available in case it isn’t later.
Not quite a disaster but a credit card got hacked, my Microsoft account was locked for suspicious activity, and I received a very targeted phishing attempt for my banking credentials. I’m now a paid subscriber of Bitwarden, set up a shared vault with my partner, and have 2 yubikeys arriving later this week.
This week is the first week I’ve felt halfway close to being a human being in a really long time. My rTMS treatment for depression is finally starting to kick in. This is my 3rd round now and each time I see significant improvements, but they only last 4ish months and I relapse horrifically after.
My most recent relapse lasted 3ish months while I was scrambling to get treatment (and an unsuccessful Ketamine trial). I finally found a hospital willing to treat me, and also give me maintenance treatments so hopefully I don’t relapse again.
It’s just been hell for a while. Last weekend I finally felt the gears in my brain “click”. I am capable of experiencing positive emotions again. I still feel emotionally dead a lot of the time, but at least I don’t want to die anymore (for now).
It feels good to not be in excruciating pain. It feels good to have less disordered thinking. I look back and it feels like I was a different person, I don’t even understand or recognize that person.
Anyways, I’m just… Trying to take a breather. Trying to fully experience the moment. I don’t know how things will go in the long term, but I know the next couple of months will continue to be livable. Trying to be grateful for that, and not think too much about what comes next.
Hey! You sound like a pretty tough person. Hang in there!
Thank you! I am tough. The last 3 years have been harder than I could’ve ever fathomed, but I’m still trucking on. There’s a lot more to me than depression, even though it swallows everything sometimes.
🤗 I get what you mean. I have PTSD which sometimes makes me feel like it has taken over my life.
My week is going well, all things considered. I’m in the New England area and all the surrounding areas are suffering from flooding, but my town is unscathed at the moment. The ducks are pretty happy with all of the rain, the chickens not so much, and I’m annoyed that the shipping container our friends gave us for a duck coop can’t be painted to protect it from the moisture, but I’m overall thankful that the government response has been pretty quick and everyone we know is safe and sound so far.
I thought it was going okay: I got 6 hours of sleep (unheard of!), I woke up on time, and work was moving along smoothly. But then… my cat got sick and a not-beloved coworker decided to be annoying, so I hit a snag for a while there. I’m back at it again, having survived the issue with my cat AND the co-irker, and the day is starting to look up again. Here’s hoping that the trend continues up tomorrow…
Well I’m sick (not Covid) so not a good week
One of my big life stressors was time limited, and that time expired today with everything getting done that needed to for said stressor to go away, so the week is starting our pretty well.
I’m wishing you excellent digestion, effortless prioritization, energy, ease, and efficiency. ❤️
My Buff Orpington, Welsummer, and guinea chicks are all 2 weeks old today, and they are legitimately trying to fly around their enclosure even though none of them are fully fledged! It’s crazy, they are like little peeping popcorn, hopping and popping around. And they’re so funny! Somebody will occasionally find an extra long piece of pine shaving to carry around, and it starts a mad scramble as everybody else tries to catch them to steal it. 😂 I’m trying to figure out how to set up a livestream so my parents can watch them from their home. I’m also scrambling myself, trying to finish the coop and run before they outgrow the indoor enclosure.
My golden retriever is a perfect angel with them and loves to sit and watch them play. It’s hard to believe he’s only a year old, we just can’t get over how unbelievably good he is for his age. Idk if all goldens are magic angels or if we just got crazy lucky.
My 16yo is still not interested in taking the permit test or driving. He’s got my sense of caution, so I’m not really surprised. I can’t believe he’ll be a junior this year! And he’s dating, he and his partner have been together for a few months, and they’re so very good to each other. It’s so lovely to see him in love, cherishing someone and being cherished.
And my husband is almost fully recovered from Lyme! We might have social plans this weekend for the first time in a while. 🎉
Good luck getting the coop finished! I still need to finish the coops and run for our chickens and ducks - they’re currently living in our woodshed at night and free-ranging during the day until those are done. Just a heads up in case you aren’t aware already - if your guinea(s) is/are male, it might start getting aggressive when it hits around a year old, so try to prepare accordingly. Ours got very mean towards any chickens other than the two Brahmas it had bonded with and was actually harming the others. Not a guarantee that it will happen, but it might be good to have a separate space for the sake of your flock if it does. For now though, enjoy the babies; it never gets old having little peepers scrambling around and being chaos!
Metaphorically grinding my teeth, dealing with an agonizing amount of mental anguish. Gender dysphoria is hitting me like a freight train, and I’m having a hell of a time trying to focus on anything else. Planning on phoning my GP this week if I don’t hear from the specialist they were supposed to refer me to. Failing that, I may have to look at my DiY options, potential health risks be damned.
could be better. I had a panic attack about 2 weeks ago, been feeling on edge ever since. I have moments here and there where it feels like another panic attack is brewing, but luckily it hasn’t spiraled out of control like that initial attack.
