I’m sure it can be done without being coercive, especially via the discussed and agreed upon thing you mention. But when I see it done in real life, I look at the woman’s facial expressions and body language. It doesn’t seem rehearsed or agreed upon in advance. It looks like it’s genuine shock, and in many cases the body language is intriguingly … defensive. Shoulder in and forward. Arms crossed. Head down.

It’s clear that this was sprung on them by surprise in a lot of cases and that it wasn’t particularly welcome, at least initially, as well.