Have to admit that covid was for me the final nail in my radicalization five years ago. Been lurking the longhauler sub all this time and it’s been a place of both incredible “just throw money at it and you’ll be fine” takes and takes that show how people are becoming more class conscious due to the conditions they are in with longcovid.
The latest example is this discussion and considering that this is from reddit I’d say it looks like that people keep moving left when they have to live with the fallout of capitalism, even from more privileged positions.
I hear you, my longcovid ended most of my previously favourite physical stuff too and the grief and loss has forever changed me as well.
personal infodumb
Like I can’t run anymore, because it gave me severe plantar fasciitis and completely fucked up my left leg and can’t do any hard exercise like I used to or I get pain and exhaustion. I can’t really run away from a potential nazi anymore and that worries me.
Not to mention going to a gym or group exercise classes which turned out to be some of the most toxic and also dangerous places with covid, because the people in those are some of the worst.
We got ourselves a small home gym setup and I am able to do basic light lifts there, but I get too sore and broken if I go heavy like I used to. If I try running, my leg just falls apart again. I used to be a gym instructror and loved my martial arts. All gone. And I still know I got of easy, because I am able to do my current work and these days I can mostly walk again too, the hikes just can never be as long as they used to be or there is pain.
It’s been a hell of a time, it’s definitely forever radicalizing.
That’s funny, I have a whole squat rack and everything in my garage that has hardly been touched since I got sick. Honestly I’m faced with the thought of selling my equipment which feels blasphemous to me, but at this point it seems like I’m hanging onto it for sentimentality and self-image more than practical use.
I used to be, and still think of myself as, a bit of a meathead, but my body looks and feels very different these days. My garage setup was like a temple for me, and lifting certainly contributed to my concept of my masculinity. I’m still reckoning with the loss of that. And like, being the guy that friends call to help move furniture and play sports and stuff. It’s minor compared to what others have lost, but it’s big to me.
Anyway. I’m glad to have the online community here where people actually acknowledge how destructive covid has been, and where this kind of vulnerability is ok.
That resonates with me a lot, I used to always be the strong girl and lifting was one of the ways of affirming my larger bodysize and conflicts I felt with my gender as well, I took pride in being strong more than in how I look.
It has resulted in all kinds of soul searching that tbh revealed a lot of things about myself that I didn’t like, mainly attitudes, bodily norms and self stigma. These days I am working to be kind and loving to my body and accept it as it is. It has been through so much.
I suspect there’s a dopamine thing at play too with working out. I’ve realized that now as due to covid I no longer get that buzz or good feeling from working out much at all. That has been one of the hardest losses and I now understand I worked out so much and so hard to keep making it and to stay sane in this hellworld. Sometimes way too much. This has been replaced with class consciousness and a kinder outlook towards myself, but I do miss that high. But it also affirmed my understanding of undiagnosed neurodiversity which also came to me from all of this and covid.
Talking about all of this feels healing, I agree that it’s great that this comm is here and I am very happy that you chose to have this discussion with me. This is stuff that is wholly marginalized in the daily world.