If I remember correctly (it’s been over 16 years), my wife suggested separate checks the first time, and I told her I’d pay this time and she could get the next one if she wanted to go out again.
I think I still ended up paying for the next one (or separate checks), but that wasn’t a cultural norm thing, I just get uncomfortable with other people paying for me.
My current fiance said she almost didn’t want to go on a second date with me because I wanted to go Dutch on our first date. She still tells me to this day that I’m lucky I was cute.
Date pays for their stuff, you pay for your own. Basically, separate tabs.
To be clear, I would have paid if she had asked me to at the time. When the bill came for the food, I asked if she wanted separate or together, but my phrasing made it sound like I wanted to split it and she said that was fine. Whoops.
Don’t worry, she’s making up for lost time. I pay for almost everything when we go out now 😅
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay.
expect the man to pay
…they’re the same picture. Seriously, given the general dynamics of how straight dating actually ends up working most of the time IRL, these are basically equivalent statements, because the man is also generally expected to be the one to do the asking.
Agreed. Most of the time the man is expected to do the asking. From my personal, not reflective of the rest of society, experience…when dating if I asked someone out id plan the date and pay. It was usually second date when dating men, or once when I had to cancel on a first date I then asked the person out and arranged the first date.
The only time I ever felt a bit grumpy about paying was when the other person couldn’t decide between two dishes. I told them to order both, and I assumed theyd take their leftovers. They ate a tiny bit of each and didn’t take any home. Thats just wasteful. There was no next date.
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
Smart servers just put the check and the card between the people if it’s not obvious who’s paying. I’m a great test case for this because my spouse and I both happen to have first names that could belong to a man or a woman.
It’s pretty much random which one of us pays because we pool our money anyway.
Often they drop the bill in the little book and we stick the card in the end of it and put it back on the end of the table, they come by, run the card and then come back….
you can see the fear in their eyes sometimes, like “oh shit. This could be either one of them… 50/50 chance I annoy the one who’s writing the tip”.
We’ve both worked service industry so we don’t care at all and tip well either way but it’s pretty funny to see the realization sometimes.
Oh and, if it’s two people on a date (not a boring old married couple like us eating dinner) and there’s only one bill… 9/10 it’s the guy paying.
Is it still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it? 1825?
A lot of women consider it a deal breaker to this day
I call those women… never. Had a girl turn up with a friend, everyone paid for their own drinks. And this was in the early 00s.
If I remember correctly (it’s been over 16 years), my wife suggested separate checks the first time, and I told her I’d pay this time and she could get the next one if she wanted to go out again.
I think I still ended up paying for the next one (or separate checks), but that wasn’t a cultural norm thing, I just get uncomfortable with other people paying for me.
My current fiance said she almost didn’t want to go on a second date with me because I wanted to go Dutch on our first date. She still tells me to this day that I’m lucky I was cute.
what does go dutch mean
Butt stuff
???
Sorry, was funny to me at the time! It’s splitting the bill
Date pays for their stuff, you pay for your own. Basically, separate tabs.
To be clear, I would have paid if she had asked me to at the time. When the bill came for the food, I asked if she wanted separate or together, but my phrasing made it sound like I wanted to split it and she said that was fine. Whoops.
Don’t worry, she’s making up for lost time. I pay for almost everything when we go out now 😅
Humans are weird. I’m glad we penguins aren’t as complicated.
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
…they’re the same picture. Seriously, given the general dynamics of how straight dating actually ends up working most of the time IRL, these are basically equivalent statements, because the man is also generally expected to be the one to do the asking.
Agreed. Most of the time the man is expected to do the asking. From my personal, not reflective of the rest of society, experience…when dating if I asked someone out id plan the date and pay. It was usually second date when dating men, or once when I had to cancel on a first date I then asked the person out and arranged the first date.
The only time I ever felt a bit grumpy about paying was when the other person couldn’t decide between two dishes. I told them to order both, and I assumed theyd take their leftovers. They ate a tiny bit of each and didn’t take any home. Thats just wasteful. There was no next date.
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
Smart servers just put the check and the card between the people if it’s not obvious who’s paying. I’m a great test case for this because my spouse and I both happen to have first names that could belong to a man or a woman.
It’s pretty much random which one of us pays because we pool our money anyway.
Often they drop the bill in the little book and we stick the card in the end of it and put it back on the end of the table, they come by, run the card and then come back….
you can see the fear in their eyes sometimes, like “oh shit. This could be either one of them… 50/50 chance I annoy the one who’s writing the tip”.
We’ve both worked service industry so we don’t care at all and tip well either way but it’s pretty funny to see the realization sometimes.
Oh and, if it’s two people on a date (not a boring old married couple like us eating dinner) and there’s only one bill… 9/10 it’s the guy paying.
If it were the girl shouldn’t have any choice.
Now they have things called rights and stuff