Even most “allies” view their support more as humoring or an act of common decency than any actual endorsement of trans identities. Many folks don’t actually view you as your gender. They just either respect you enough to call you the right pronouns, or they just consider it common decency.

But when a trans person does something horrible, something truly unforgivable? Suddenly that person isn’t worthy of respect anymore, so there’s no point in humoring their identity. If you actually believe trans identities are “valid,” then you won’t misgender someone, even if they’re a childremoved serial killer. Cisgender women don’t get called men and thrown in men’s prisons if they commit acts of brutal violence. Their gender isn’t invalidated, because their identity is not conditional. Most “allies” view respect for trans identities as conditional. For some, this means that true monsters are worthy of misgendering. For others, it means any time a trans person says something mean to them they’re worthy of misgendering.