Work in the fact that Wilem Dafoe has a “confusingly” huge cock

Maybe dex based vengeance paladin?

Rogues. Our heroes are absolutely rogues. But not the deliberate “I went to thief college” or whatever kind. Their origin as accidental vigilantes with a natural knack for ending bad-guys, is the stuff of epic D&D campaigns. Let’s say they’re unnaturally good at sneak attacks from pranking each other and playing hide-and-seek as kids. The religion angle could also make them Paladins, but I think it’s more in line with their characters to say that they’re extremely “justice sensitive”; religion is just their upbringing and righteous framing for this revenge spree they’re on.

The conversation and argument around “why a rope?” is almost straight out of any session zero. It’s right there in every edition of the Player’s Manual, and seems like something that would get you out of a jam. Meanwhile, the other players think this is a stupid heavy thing to lug around with you everywhere, in a game that punishes you for lugging around heavy things. The shit that goes down in the movie: sheer DM fuckery that starts with “do you know any knots or have any life-experience with ropes?”

Dafoe’s character is clearly a bard. Unconventional, sure. But he channels his passion through the art of forensics, inspiring others, and really brings everyone together to close a case. Also: horny closet homosexual. So… completely conventional at the same time. I think you could also go for a Necromancer that’s a cop - asking the dead directly what happened - which would be a really fun take on the class.