A lot of details and times in this story have been obscured so I don’t get doxxed.
It’s sorta funny being a tall, middle aged white guy. I so rarely get shit for my idiosyncrasies. I can’t remember the last time people gave me grief about masking, reading constantly, not drinking, or being vegan. People in my life seem to learn very quickly that if they start bullshit with me, I’m going to drop 10 peer reviewed studies on why they’re wrong. I’m legit sorry for people who aren’t born into that privilege. My partner gets a lot more crap from acquaintances than I do.
My managers at work seem to understand that I mask because 1) my partner’s health isn’t great and I have a legit reason to keep her safe, 2) I will drop 100 peer reviewed studies on you if you suggest otherwise, 3) it negatively affects nothing about how I do my job, and 4) fuck you I will take it to the union and labour tribunals if I have to, and you’ll look like an absolute fuckface.
So guess how I felt when I got an email saying there was a big plan to get the one remaining masking student in the school to stop masking. I’ve never once asked this teen girl why she still masks, I just felt that it’s none of my business. But now I see a bunch of middle aged white guy managers deciding to make health choices for this young non-white girl, and it makes my blood boil. Not even for the covid thing, but every page of theory I’ve read says how fucked up this situation is.
So I talked to the staff directly, said that long covid is the largest chronic disease affecting children. Said that there’s an abundance of research on masking and education. Said there’s no medical or educational body that suggests doing what you’re doing, and that you’ve brought zero evidence for the claims you’re making. Said that this girl’s age is far old enough that the WHO and other research have shown that masking has no effect on her learning. Said that she’s a human being that deserves to make her own choices, and that children aren’t resilient to pressure from adults.
That was just the start of the issue. The anti-masking staff took it really personally. I was objectively not mean. I never raise my voice or use insults. But I was dragged into several meetings over my attitude. As far as I can tell, I was “too verbal” over the issue. People felt that I was calling them cruel or stupid, which other teaching staff in the room with us can attest that I wasn’t. It’s all incredibly over the top. For the first time since I was a student, I have quite a few people who won’t say hello to me in the corridor. Some of these people I’ve known for over a decade, and we’ve been very cordial and productive together.
If I may bring up my experience being a vegan: people don’t like being wrong on a subject. If someone is made to feel like an evil person, even if I explicitly never said anything close to that, their rage metre goes to 100%. I’m sure plenty of non-vegan leftists have similar reactions with other modes of oppression. I’m guessing people get pretty illogical when called a racist or misogynist?
Anyhow, it just sucks here. Meetings are being held with parents. Calls are being made to health authorities and educational offices. It’s tense in a way that I’m absolutely not used to.
i enjoy the hunt and privilege or not, if i have the time and spoons i indulge in recovering people i have bonds with that tell me i already know there’s something worthwhile inside - but the fact is it’s mostly a slow anti-courtship of the dissolution of the friendship
but to absolve myself i gotta be able to say i tried. i don’t believe in defaulting to, or even using extremes without exhausting kinder roads.
I’m a strong believer in letting people know multiples times, explicitly, how they fucked up before calling off a friendship. I think you’re doing the right thing.
With friends or even just people who aren’t my boss, it’s easy to just have a tough conversation once in a while. If someone was against being able to admit they’re wrong and grow, I wouldn’t be their friend.
I think this is the hard part of encouraging growth and coalition building. It’s so easy to just ignore and only slightly harder to cut someone off imo. The constant friction of telling someone you care about, you think what they’re doing is harmful? That’s difficult.
I’ve basically had a few friends that I’ve managed to yank away from a lot of reactionary tendencies, and that may have only been possible with literal decades of rapport and trust built up, as well as this friend having a higher-than-average self-awareness.
I know I’ve almost definitely avoided hard conversations regarding situations where I’m privileged in the past, which is why I feel a compulsion towards grace towards others who have done it towards my particular plight.
Also, frankly, being “roundabout” and calm has been more effective in my experience and has done wonders towards deprogramming reactionary or bigoted tendencies in those with whom I am in relations with. Though I am also mostly in social contact with marginalized groups and find it easier to address by relating struggles.
i.e., it wasn’t difficult (in my experience) having some black folk realize their response towards the trans-allegory of Spiderwoman (US treat-pilled conversations) in the recent Spider-verse movie was bigoted by drawing attention towards how their response mirrored those that discredited the feelings of joy and representation we had when Miles became mainstream.
Frankly, not sure how well my tactics can be used in predominantly white spaces. I know it’s generally effective with most people, but from my secondhand understanding, primarily white spaces and the actions and rhetoric used amongst white people tend to have some different dynamics, and I haven’t bothered trying to wrap my head around it. The class rhetoric (note: different than analysis in this case) that tends to serve as a neat bow is still there, but I find that to be most useful once I’ve already generated buy-in, not sure how it serves as the sole point of purchase.
Generally, I have found ironically that the less people feel I’m pushing viewpoints onto them, the more receptive they are. This doesn’t often apply to those closest to me, though; there often I just go some version of “that’s fucked” and then explain why I think what they said is fucked.